butterfly.

I've had the hardest time blogging lately, and I don't know why.

Today, this is all I can come up with.

you said.

tribute.

This summer I have been lucky enough to live with six of the greatest girls you will ever meet. I honestly love them all to death, and I'm so happy I have had the chance to get to know these girls before I leave.

Baby Brooks
I love your crazy photography skills. Seriously? You have such a talent. I love how you are so laid back and are cool with just chilling.. with whoever, wherever, and doing whatever. I love that you are only fifteen, but I always forget. I love how you look so cute all the time, and whether or not you believe it, you really don't need to wear make up because you are absolutely beautiful. I love your high pitched little squeal. I love how tight you are with your family. I'm so happy I had the chance to get to know you this summer!

Shikaaakaa
I've known you for how many years? Maybe five? But never ever ever ever have I actually been around you. You are seriously hilarious. I love how blunt you are, and I love how you aren't scared to stand up for yourself and that you aren't even close to being a pushover. I find you truly inspiring.. hahaha. I love your crazy hair that no longer stays straight..ever. I love your sweet black girl music. It suits you.  :) I love how you sniffle all the time and how your allergies are so terrible that mine seem to be not so bad.. I love how long you sleep for, and how you have to do something super fun every night.. no matter what!

Krem
Ya, like Krem 2 news from Spokane. I love that you are my bfffff. Really. And that we get to live together every summer. I love how you are so beautiful, no matter what. I've kinda written about you before on my blog, but thats okay. I love how you really do clean up after yourself real good. You will have one lucky room mate! I love how you are so adventurous and that you sometimes inspire me to not be anti-social and get off my bed and go hang out with people. I love that you are such a hard worker, and whenever I see that I'm scheduled to work with you I get a little bit extra excited.. because sometimes we just need some time together to catch up on life..

Syd
I've also written about you before, but thats okay. I love that you can actually miss a night's sleep and work an eight hour shift the next day and be totally fine. I love that we can look up crazy youtube movies and watch them over and over and still laugh about them. I love that you love turkey subs as much as I do, and that you agree that sometimes it's okay to just sit in bed and listen to music. I love that you listen to music really loud while you shower. I love that you let me use your speakers so I can listen to music really loud while I shower too. I love that you make the best mac and cheese in the whole world.

Meesh
I love that you can draw so great. I love that you insist that everyone can draw, and that it's not hard. You are so humble. Honestly? It's hard. You are truly talented. I love that you are Canadian and American at the same time. I love that you always wake up so early to get ready for church. I love your cute dresses and shoes and that the quantity of your wardrobe here far surpasses the rest of ours. Probably most of ours combined. I love that you are so willing to let everyone borrow your clothes too... and your milk. Thank you for always having milk in the fridge.. :)

Bai
You are such a sweetheart. I love that you get so excited about everything in everyones life. I love which team you are on :). I love that you have so much faith. I love seeing you study your scriptures and I love how you read them to me when you find a good verse about missionaries, or another other verse you think I might like. I love how you can tell when I'm sad, and how you will just crawl into bed with me and let me cry. I love how you genuinely care so much about other people that when they are sad, so are you. That's a gift you know. I love that you took my advice about your school schedule next year. It will be so worth it.... ;)

These are my best friends today. Yes, I have a lot of best friends, but these are the girls I live with, eat beside, work with, and share everything with. These are the girls that I will remember from this summer for the rest of my life. These are the girls I will miss terribly when I move away. This summer has been lovely, hasn't it? :)

Just a letter..

Dear Isabel Miller, 

I don't know you. I don't know who you are, or what you have done, but I have some things to say to you. This may be a strange letter, but I really feel it is necessary for you to know a few things..

I'd first like to thank my Aunt Janet for introducing me to you. She always has such great intentions for me and my talents, and I finally decided to take her suggestion and meet you. :)

I'd like to thank my English teacher, Mr. Heninger, for giving me the confidence to see what you had to offer. I think he knew I could do it. He was the one who encouraged me with a simple hand-written number on a printed page—of what I once thought were meaningless words and ideas concocted in the wandering mind of Jane—that made me realize I was capable of being apart of a world of people like you.

Thank you everyone else who inspired me to create, My Feature Presentation without even knowing it.

Now, this is what I want to say. Isabel Miller. I don't know you. All I know that there is a writing contest because of you. Thank you for existing.

Love Jane.

OK. So, the reason for my strange letter is because of an email I received recently..

Dear Janeen,

I am pleased to tell you that you are about to become a published writer: your piece “My Feature Presentation” has been chosen to be included in WriTeen 2010, the anthology of the Isabel Miller Young Writers Award. Your entry was selected out of almost 250 applications that were submitted this year. Congratulations!

In honour of all of our young writers we are having a celebratory launch party. This gathering will take place Sunday, September 19, at 3:00 pm, on the main floor of the Stanley A. Milner Library located in downtown Edmonton (7 Sir Winston Churchill Square).

As a special treat we are holding a reading, and you are invited to read your entry to the eager crowd. Show off your talent by sharing your piece with others! Whether or not you choose to read at the launch, you will receive a free copy of the anthology and additional copies will be available for sale. 

blah blah blah.

That's basically it..

Conclusion:

I am absolutely thrilled.

Who'd have thought? :)

July

Suddenly July is ending. It has been here before, and it sneaks away.. every single time. It hid from me for so long, and then before I even saw it coming, it crept right back under my nose once again with its incredible heat and shattering thunderstorms.. and it is just about to leave. July is beautiful. July has meant so many things before. I believe July is the time when I started a new sort of list. July Favorites.. thanks to Spring.  I found my list today from last July. It contained so many things. Things that brought smiles to my face, immediately followed by a prickling of pain deep inside of me.

There was 
the day I dedicated to memorizing every single word to Paper Planes by M.I.A.
the time Kaylee drew me a picture
the dream about the Cardston Parade
the soaping of a heart
the popsicle date
the terrible movie
the boys who played polo
the man who ordered thirty footlong tuna subs during lunch rush
the night at the Prince with Kaylee and Tycee
the one night I went running
the fireworks. and not being able to yell the colors out because I was laughing too hard.
the underwater camera
the stories
the obsession with double chocolate chip cookies
the swing
the lack of a perfect evening
the discovery of a perfect evening
the night Kaylee read from her quote box for hours
the epic failure of learning how to drive a standard
the haiku
the diet coke
the greyhound bus 
the phone calls
the carefree atmosphere
the ability to stray from worrying
the road trip to Echo
the weak knees
the spinning
the shift from you know where
the earthquake dreams, nonstop
the lightning


There are so many more. So many more favorites from this memorable month of magic. For some it was full of firsts. For some it was about peaches and rain.  For some it was about work, and others about play. Some fell in love, and some hearts were shattered into tiny pieces.  Some lost themselves I'm sure. I was lucky enough to be among the people who discovered themselves for the first time, ever.

It was July. It happened. It was real.. and it was simply beautiful. 

I spent the majority of the year longing. Not only for last July, but all the July's of my past. I neglected to realize that July is July, no matter what the situation is and no matter who you spend it with. 

"In the depths of winter, I finally learned there was, in me, an invincible summer.." - Papertissue

I think it is only right that I make a list of new July favorites. This July has been so incredibly different than last July. It hasn't failed to create bulletproof memories. New memories.. not to replace, but to add to the others.

There was...

the night on the docks

the purple comforter

the fireworks

the shut down

the epic cleaning rage

the boys from the Philippines

the missionary letter

the times I got better at driving a standard.. sort of..

the day I was informed of my achieved goal

the letter

the picture Kate drew for the bulletin board

the week I spent with Katy

the reply to the letter

the perfect day at the Stampede

the mission call

the rain storms

the water fight

the day I watched Eclipse

the first time Sydnee and I didn't wake up in the morning for our shift

the second time Sydnee and I didn't wake up in the morning for our shift

the day I finally watched Annapolis

the night I washed away my problems, for good

the day I met my room mate, Sarah

the day I let go

the stargazing

the time I hid all the dishes in the kitchen because I was tired of washing them

the day I made that terrible discovery

the day Bailey rubbed my back while I cried

the soccer nets

the San Fran hoodie
the day I realized I was jealous, and understood why.

July? I know you always come back, but please slow down.. I don't know what I will do when you are gone again..

38.

Incase you didn't already know, I am leaving in thirty eight days. 

It makes me want to smile and laugh and scream and cry all at the same time.

Since that's impossible, I'll just pick one today.

drumroll please

Today.. I am all smiles. For so many reasons. Mainly two. Or five I guess..

Part I-IV

I have these friends. There are a bunch of them. I haven't known them for long, but they have each become so important to me in their own ways. Maybe I sort of like to think of them as all my big brothers in a sense? I love them all to death. 

Anyway. They have already started heading their separate ways. One has paved the way and has already started his journey to the Baguio, Philippines Mission. Carson will fit in there as much as he will stand out you know. Those people are so kind, just like him. Maybe they are a little bit shorter though. :)  Surprising because he got his call last of the remaining three, but Cody is going to be next! In 40 days,  he will reporting to the MTC to prepare to serve the San Juan, Puerto Rico Mission. Spanish speaking. I'm pretty sure that was a given. He will love those people so much; I can already tell. Next is going to be Tyson following Cody just a week later! The Halifax, Nova Scotia Mission awaits him. What a beautiful thing to be able to serve in Canada! I have to say, I am slightly jealous. The east coast is beautiful. Last but certainly not least, Jord will be headed to the Charleston, West Virginia Mission. Perfect, right? Early to bed, early to rise. I'm sure his West Virginian accent has already started.  Oh what a happy time it has been waiting for this to happen. What a crazy, hard, painful, beautiful, exciting, and unforgettable year it has been. None of that matters anymore. What matters now is that these boys are going to be some of the finest missionaries you will ever meet. :) Congratulations to all of you!

Part V

This year I had a goal. I made in the first period of the first class of the first day of Grade 12. Yesterday, I was informed that I reached this goal. I wish I could say it was a piece of cake, but it wasn't. I worked my freaking butt off for that. I am pleased to announce it was a pleasure, and well worth it!

There you have it. Life is simply sensational.

life today.

People always say that life doesn't get any easier.

For the record, these people aren't kidding.

Somedays.. 

I wish classes would register for themselves.

I wish school paid for itself.

I wish my clothes would clean themselves.

I wish my cold would heal itself.

I wish arguments would settle themselves.

I wish friendships would form themselves.

I wish pride would swallow itself.

I wish wounds would heal themselves. 

I wish my hair would cut itself.

I wish groceries would buy themselves.

But then.. life would live itself...

and thats not really what life is about, is it?

the girl in yellow trapped behind a fence.

There are more than a few thoughts that creep into my mind when I see this picture

but I'd rather keep them to myself.

The Canadian Beach.

Today. I spent hours on a beach. I can't express how much I truly love the beach. I've been to many of them, and I've found that no matter where I am, I love it. Today I am in Powell River, British Columbia. The beach is a little bit different than Daytona Beach or Clearwater Beach in Florida. It is a little bit different than the beach behind my resort in Puerta Vallarta. This was a beach in CANADA. Yes, Canada still has beaches. You know what else? It even has star fish and sand dollars . It was sandy, and the water was warm. Who wouldda thought? I even got a sun tan. I love Canada.

Canada Day was a few days back, and I didn't even mention it. How patriotic is that? I'm slightly embarrassed. I am Canadian! I love Canada and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else... Yes. I am moving to Provo in a few weeks here, but Canada is home and this is where I want to end up. I love that we had a snow storm just over a month ago. I love that school gets cancelled when we have four feet of snow (not 1 centimeter :) ) I love that we use the metric system and I love that our money is colorful. I love that we understand that we, too, have nickels and dimes and quarters, just like the United States. Working in Waterton exposes me to many people from other countries and I am always surprised to find how ignorant some are about Canada. I love that we don't just study Canada at school, but we study Japan, and China, and Brazil, and the USA.. point made. I love that our school curriculum is so hard that people say maybe I don't need to worry for my first year of sciences in the states because it will be generally review. I love that we are known for saying "eh" even though I have never used that word in every day speech. I love that when we tell other people that as soon as you hit the Canadian border you will be greeted by a dog sled that will carry you through a blizzard to your igloo.. in July, and they will believe it. I love that people are surprised when we tell them that we actually have hot weather in the summer. I love that we have provinces, and I love that we have two official languages. Where would I be without ketchup chips? And what about our chocolate? It truly does taste better here. And of course.. where would I be without my lulus...?

Thank you Canada, for giving me everything! 

There's this girl I know.

If this little brilliant phrase reminded me of her, you must know she is something special. I miss her. I guess you could say we have a summer romance. Minus the romantic part. Sometimes I follow her around like a little puppy dog. She kinda bosses me around, and I let her. We both know its not because I'm a push over. It's really because I only have a few months a year with this girl. We live in the same town and go to the same school, but there is something about the months of May through September (not anymore :( ) that are dedicated to just the two of us I guess. Sometimes she gets sick when she sits in the sun too long. I appreciate her sitting with me for as long as she can. Sometimes she forgets to do her dishes, but I don't mind as much as when everyone else forgets. I just do them for her if I notice. That's just because she's special. Sometimes we like to sit on her bed, the bed that used to be mine, and look out the window listening to my "chill" playlist. Because we are chill maybe? I tell this girl so many things you know. Even things I swear I am not going to tell. She has good taste in music. Good, meaning she likes the same music as I do. We go through these phases where we both fall in love with one song, and we play it over so many times that everyone else wants to kill it. Everyone else mostly meaning Kate. (I love that girl too. I love all my room mates, but today this is just about this one girl.) Sometimes when we pretend we are fighting, it turns into a silent treatment. This make me sad even though they are sometimes funny. Everyone will think we are mad, but we will look at each other and she will wink. And I will smile right back. We used to eat Mr. Noodles together on a daily basis. Then it changed to pizza subs, and now it is Aquafina Vitamin Plus. We're kind of getting healthy I guess you could say. She kind of becomes my other half a little bit. About a week ago we worked every single shift together for what, 5 days straight? Our time off was spent together as well as we ventured to Cardston or Magrath or even just the docks.  It's been a week since I've seen my favorite Sizzle D, and I miss her.

I'm coming home soon. :)

that would be nice.

It would be nice to have a good suntan right now.
It would be nice to be all caught up on sleep.
It would be nice to not have to work at Subway, but be able to live with all the lovely girls I get to live with. :)
It would be nice if Bailey's hammock didn't break.
It would be nice if I got my English diploma back to find that I will be appearing on the wall...
It would be nice to win the lottery too, and have all my schooling paid for.
It would be nice to be friends with everybody? hmm..
It would be nice to win a shopping spree.
It would be nice to own a pair of flats in every single color. And a cardigan in every color.
It would be nice if I could lift the delivery boxes at work without being sore the next day.
It would be nice if I could run for three hours without getting tired.
It would be nice to own a condo on the beach. In Florida.
It would be nice to own a pair of coach flats like Jenn's that I so dearly love.
It would be nice to know how my life is going to pan out..
It would be nice to be able to live just one day from the past.
It would be nice to be able to fix that one day from the past.
It would be nice to be more organized.
It would be nice to have a summer romance. To keep me happy. To pass the time. To learn. To love and to grow. :)

Yes, I think I would quite like that.

elephant

You know what I like? Avoiding questions. I've become quite skilled at it. I have learned from the best I suppose. It's becoming easier to avoid questions that I don't want to answer. That has lead me to be able to avoid all sorts of things. I'm not sure if its a good thing.

It's the elephant in the room that we pretend we don't see.

.

bubbles.

In a perfect world, maybe I would live in a bubble. I would still be able to see the beautiful things to see in the world. I could still make friends. I could still live and laugh and learn I suppose. Mostly, if I lived inside this bubble I would stop getting hurt. More importantly, I would stop hurting people. 

source.

I'm sorry.

dear friend.

I have this friend. Such a great friend. I miss this friend.

Thank you for your hugs. Thank you for our late night chats. I love them you know. Thank you for being you.

Thank you for always being there. no.matter.what.

Sorry sometimes I don't make any sense. I'm trying real hard.

jar of hearts.

Who do you think you are? Collecting your jar of hearts.

First of all. Thank you Michelle. For showing me this song.

LOVE you.

Second of all. Thank you Christina Perri. For writing this song.

LOVE it.

Third of all. Thank you life. For letting me live in lyrics of songs.

LOVE them.