have you met my best friend, cody?

There was something different about yesterday. I feel like I've gone through this eye-opening veil in life so many times before, and I believe those close to me will probably roll their eyes when I try to say that it's different this time, but I genuinely believe I was finally able to see things differently, and I don't think I'm the same person I was a couple days ago. I know the whole belief on the fact that "people never change" and "you are who you are" kind of thing, but I genuinely know that there is something different now. I'm a little embarrassed that I have let myself be treated the way I have. That's really not who I am, but I guess what's done is done, right? That's fine and I will take full responsibility for being so completely blind in the past. 

Okay, now that that's out of the way, I will get to the point of this post. I'm not sure if the world knows it, but I have never met a kinder, generous, or more selfless person than Cody Clay Foggin. He is the epitome of a true friend, and I wish I would have been able to be there for him the way he has never once failed to be there for me. I guess there's no time like the present right? So I know I'm done all my letters from my thirty day challenge, but I just want to dedicate my post to him, because he deserves it, and because he's been my best friend even if I haven't deserved it. 

Do you know Cody? Because I do. 

In case you don't, I will tell you a little bit about him.

He is the guy who may appear to be a trouble maker, but will always do the right thing when it comes down to it.

He is the guy who will drive to visit you when you are sick. 

He is the guy who remembers how much you love mini eggs and pick up a package of them on his way to see you.

He is the guy who will come see you no matter what the hour if he believes he has caused you grief.

He is the guy who will pay for the meal without thinking twice, and your friend's.

He is the guy who doesn't notice whether or not you are wearing make up or your hair is done.

He is the guy who will let you choose the music in the car.

He is the guy who randomly surprises you on a day you thought was going to end up a total flop.

He is the guy who will get along with all your friends.

He is the guy who avoids unnecessary confrontation.

He is the guy who could be going through the worst time of his life, but will still put everything aside if a friend needed help or simply to be uplifted.

He is the guy who can't stay mad.

He is the guy who has been hurt more than anyone I know, but has never held a grudge.

He is the guy who knows who he is, even if he forgets for a couple minutes.

{thank you} for drying more of my tears than anyone in the world
{thank you} for being patient with me while I've been figuring things out
{thank you} for being the type of person who doesn't "pick sides" (hahahaha)
{thank you) for teaching me what it means to be selfless
{thank you} for wanting to be the best missionary you can possibly be
{thank you} for being the first one to listen to my exciting news
{thank you} for pretending to think its exciting even if you don't
{thank you} for always coming back, and always apologizing even when you don't need to
{thank you} for not being a judgemental person, and for always assuming the best in people
{thank you} for putting up with me
{thank you} for tapping on my window and not leaving when I told you I was sleeping
{thank you} for always making sure I'm okay before I fall asleep
{thank you} for forgiving me more times than I can count
{thank you} for always being at my side when I need someone there

"In the end, you'll know which people really love you. They are the ones who see you for who you are and, no matter what, always find a way to be at your side."

source.

And just so everyone knows, it is possible to go from dating to being best friends. It takes some hard work and dedication, but I know we did it and I'm so happy we did, because I just don't know what I would do without him.  Honestly.

ask me for the source. =)

theeeee end.

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was how much I was looking forward to writing my blog post. I remembered it was day thirty, and I knew just exactly what that meant. I got out of bed and looked in the mirror, just so I could be absolutely sure of what to say in this post.

Day 30 - my reflection in the mirror.


When I looked at you, you were a wreck—a train wreck. I'd like to say a pretty little wreck, but pretty and you simply do not belong in the same sentence. My hair displayed the chaos of were once perfect curls that I so carelessly put in my hair so ridiculously early the morning prior. My eyes. Oh, my sad, sorry eyes. Slightly red, slightly swollen, probably due to the lack of sleep combined with the humiliation—not jealousy—drawn tears that took over my life the previous night. Pathetic really, but I won't deny it. Whatever mascara was on my eyelashes the previous day stained from the corners of my eyes down to the soft navy blue shirt I thoughtlessly selected while dressing for the day, what seemed to be only minutes before.
What was a perfect night spent with two of my dearest friends filled with checking things off bucket lists, starbucks, watching a friend play hockey, because he asked me to come, laughing, five cent candy, speech impediments, Lauren, pwice checks, singing and laughing, was immediately transformed into one of the most hellish nights I have ever experienced, all because of miscommunicated words, assumptions, the turning away of friends I truly thought existed, and the idea that making another person feel so completely horrible about herself.. would be the ultimate way to spend an evening. Yes, I was the object of pointing and laughing. I was the source of that car full of people's joy. Some people I don't even know. Sure, these seems like such a little thing and to be honest, I have been pointed and laughed at thousands of times before, but this time was different. Different because, it was all for the games of others. Thank goodness that two fifths of the world is filled with people kind enough to not judge a situation that they simply don't understand. And I thank those two sweet girls for that and I hope they know that I think they are darling and great and I wish we could have come to know each other on different terms. I suppose one fifth thinks she knows, but she doesn't and she never has and she should really just stop trying to think she does. I suppose I will just leave it at that, because she simply does not understand either so I can't blame her. Another one fifth knew better, and I appreciate him for that. I appreciate the extra trip he made not even hours later to apologize personally for acting the way he did. The last one fifth? People think differently of that one fifth. I know the person he is. To be honest, I have always thought highly of him, because I know him too. He truly is great, isn't he? But the person he is to everyone in the world is different than the person he is to me. There is another side that only comes out when I am around that he will deny until he dies, and it is ultimately the reason for you, my train wreck reflection in the mirror.
Fortunately, life continues and days end. Sleep comes and time heals. I could say a million bitter things. I could tell the entire detailed story, but it would take me a lifetime and I am not ready for that. I could use names and quote word for word just exactly what went on, but it's no use. I could again explain my exact whereabouts at 11:30pm last night. I could say so many mean things. I could cause many more problems, but it is no use. I will not hide the fact that everything I have done is far from perfect, but everything I have done or said has been genuine, and I believe that to be important. I am who I am, and I will be that person to every single person who comes into my life. I will not change from day to day, (disregarding the occasional bad day and mood swing..) and I will be okay. So, reflection, thank you for reminding me of what kind of a person I do not want to be. Thank you for showing me that I am a human being. I am genuine. I am capable of being utterly humiliated, but that is because I care. 
With love, 
Simply jane

ask me for the source if you care. =)

Oh happy day. I am done my thirty day challenge and thank goodness I can write whatever I want once again. Today I found my creative writing folders grades one through six. I was so cute, not even kidding. Also, look here what I found! It has been an exceptionally wonderful day. It has been one of those days where I feel like packing my bags and moving into a city far away and never coming back, because life is so great and there is so much more to it than I have yet been able to find. I believe I am about to start a fabulous new adventure. I can't wait.

.i.love.today.

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

N/A

What a good day? I'm afraid there just isn't anyone who qualifies today. So, I will just express how much I love my life today and how much I appreciate such fabulous friends.

Oh, and I like this. It makes me laugh.

source.

click photo to enlarge.

life changing?

I like this.
"Darling," you said, "We're a train wreck."

"Sweetheart," I said, "Train wrecks always make the front page."
click here for more.

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Dear You.
Telling you that you changed my life seems ridiculous because I have told you this before. Also, I think everyone who knows me any any sort of level besides what my first and last name is, also knows that you changed my life. I have been thinking very hard about how to pinpoint just how you have changed my life, and to be honest, I still find it simply inexplicable.
Here goes nothing.
For as long as I can remember, I was just living life. I was happy. I had good grades, good friends, and a good reputation. Life.Was.Good. 
 Looking back, I realize I was merely getting by. Life could have continued this way forever. Perhaps something would have changed eventually; I don't really know.
Then I met you. You pervaded my life.
And because of that, I met me.
 I discovered I had a zest for life I had only read about. I discovered new foibles, but also new strengths. I'm not sure it's possible to count the number of times I've heard the cliche, "live life to the fullest" and to be honest, hearing that phrase still makes my teeth clench a little bit and my insides cringe, but it is so incredibly true. I wanted to tell everyone.
I suppose it was like getting off the painted blue bleachers where I was comfortable simply blending in, and joining the action I had previously only watched.. literally. It was time to stand out because it is just so much fun. 
I discovered the joy of being spontaneous. I started living deeper, laughing harder, and loving purer. I discovered that I didn't care what people thought, and enjoyed being different. I wanted to be different. I started getting mocked, and people judged, but instead of hesitating and holding back, I simply embraced the fact that I could be different and continued with it. It led me to the discovery of my talents. It made me want to try harder, and it made me want to be an original. I started getting frustrated that every girl in our school was all wearing deep purple hoodies and AE jeans and Ugg boots. Sure, I still own a purple hoodie, a few pairs of AE jeans, and Ugg boots and I still wear them and love them, I won't deny that, but if I felt like wearing sweats to school, I just went right ahead. I started buying the things I liked. I started working harder in classes. People mocked me for that, every single day. Brown noser, teachers pet, suck up, and a lot more than that. It's fine really; I'm sure it looked that way. I honestly just started to love learning. I started to enjoy doing well in school, and I was proud of myself.  For the first time since I was six, I didn't want a boyfriend. I didn't care who my best friend was, and the continuous drama that stalks high school girls seemed to slowly fade away from my life. 
I'm afraid this next part sounds oddly familiar, but it is just something that I had to learn on my own: boyfriends really just don't matter, and friends will come and go. Status gets thrown away with the grad decorations. Jerseys get returned and lockers get emptied. The only thing that lasts is the yearbook, the memories, and the true friends. I am grateful that I am smiling in the yearbook, that my memories continue to be bulletproof, and obviously,that I made a few friends along the way. Friends that inspire me to write until my fingers ache... but in my opinion, those are the best kinds. Like you. 
Sometimes I still forget this. I go through phases where I get lost and I start worrying too much. I get stressed and start to care what people think, but I always come back to this place where I am so engulfed in a bubble of happiness. One day life is going to work out. One day the questions I have today will be answered. I'm just so happy I have been blessed enough to get a firm grasp on these realities. I worry so much less about such unimportant things. Life is simple. It is hard, but it is simple. Do your best, choose the right, love everyone, and always smile. =) That reminds me of the song, Love like Crazy by Lee Brice. It is a personal favorite. 
Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you. Go to work, do your best, and don't outsmart your common sense. Never let your praying knees get lazy, and love.like.crazy.
Wow. This post really went all over the place. I guess I still have a hard time pinpointing exactly how you changed my life. It wasn't like it just happened one day. All I know is that since I met you, my look on life has been different. Today, I am eighteen. Some things just don't matter at eighteen. Thank you for teaching me that. It sure has made a difference in my life.


Simple.As.That.
And for that, I will never forget you. That's a promise.
With love forever,
Simply Jane

source.

26/27

So I accidentally missed posting on day 26. I have a good excuse. You see, I had to watch Titanic, again. What a classic.

"A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets."

♥

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 26. Dear You.

Pinky promises are legit. I hope you realize that. I'm keeping this promise no matter what the cost, so don't be mad if you think I'm being drastic. I'll do what it takes to make sure I don't break this promise. Jus sayin.

With love,

Simply Jane

source.

Day 27. Dear Katie MacDonald.

So, I suppose I knew you for two days, but only a couple hours each of these days so I am choosing you regardless. I sat by you on my first day of Creative Writing down at BYU. You reminded me somewhat of myself, quietly sitting there in your desk, trying not to be noticed. You had a worn out notebook, that seemed to match the notebook I had been carrying around for the past year and a half. Your shoes were adorable, and I figured we could be friends.  Not because your shoes were adorable, but because we already had something in common. We both were in Creative Writing. The class was filled with the most unique of students. Not many people voluntarily take a Creative Writing course. You had dark hair, and dark eyes, just like myself. We walked away from class together, just maintaining small talk. You were a sophomore, and unlike so many other people I had met, you didn't care that I was a freshman.

The next week, you sat down next to me. We swapped our first assignments. You loved my story, and I loved yours. You loved the way I described impossible thoughts and my monster metaphor, and I loved all of the exquisite words you used. They made me grin, even though it was such an awful day. We could have been the best of friends I think. 

I'm afraid that was the last I saw you, because that was the day I stopped being able to swallow. The next week of my life down at school was filled with visits to the emergency room, returning books, packing, cancelling housing contracts, an endoscopy, and the dreaded intravenous therapy. I hate needles.

If you are wondering where I went, I came home. I wish I could have got to know you better. I liked the way you wrote your stories. Perhaps we will run into each other again.

With love,

Simply Jane

speak now.. =)

I'm sure many of you know, today is October 25. I'm not sure what it means to you, but to me, this means .. Taylor Swift. Today her album was released, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Taylor Swift is great. I know every girl is obsessed, and every girl thinks her songs are written for them. That is because she is such a great writer. These are just a few one liners I picked up from my scan through her new album today.

~ long live all the magic we made

 ~if this was a movie you'd be here by now

~ your hands are tough but they are where mine belong

~ I watched superman fly away

~ I always forget to tell you I love you

~ I'm far away, but I'll never let you go

~ You and I walk a fragile line

~ I still mean every word I say to you

~ never thought we'd have a last kiss

~ your name, forever the name on my lips

~ this is me praying that this was the very first page

~ turns out freedom ain't nothin but missing you

~ then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind

~ you held your pride like you should have held me

~ I've never heard silence quite this loud

~ you paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain

~ the girl in the dress cried the whole way home

~ I lost myself in a daydream

♥

What a gem. What girl can't relate to lines like those?

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Dear You. 

Here is a hug, just for you.

With love,

Simply Jane

memories.

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Favorite memory. How appropriate on a day such as today.  How do I pick one? Make that plural please. Memories, yes. There are many. And they are all my favorites.

- perfect weather - kool-aid optimism - two truths and a lie - town square - trying to drive - climbing the tower - cruising - i swear - the backyard couch - dark eyes - not wanting to work on july 1 - almost going into trappers for introductions - stealing kisses - dinner with the neighbours - Rambo - meeting halfway - calling out fireworks - the creepy shed in your backyard - lightning storms - bedtime stories - echo lake - coyotes - getting pushed in the lake - mint mojito - the movies - weak knees and spinning circles - songs songs songs - making big decisions - playing cards - pointless fights - songs songs songs - talkin on the phone - meeting halfway - darius rucker - not actually going to lethbridge - hockey games - mexico - songs songs songs - summer was our time for love, but then it all fell apart - tarzan and jane - skype - learning to wrestle - how could anyone be mad? - nick lachey - the numbing/tingling sensation in my bottom lip - frogger's - going to dq - not getting twenty five cent blizzards - the couches at the u of l - chilling in the parkinglot - the soundtrack birthday gift - henderson - saying hello to everyone - laying on the bench with our heads together - dance competition - spinning in the best hug - the last song - henderson in the rain - tie shopping - chinese food at the mall - may long weekend - corsage picking - grad - piling extra food on my plate that i didn't want - pictures (sorry) - driving your truck - the dance - summer - fall - 

So. Dear You.

Thanks for the memories. They aren't going to change even as you and I continue to change. Thanks for being so great and for being such the best example. Thank you, today, for once again showing me what is truly important in life. You seem to have done that a lot since we met. I hope you know just how much I appreciate it. 

With love always,

Simply Jane

source.

My dear friend Michelle showed me this song today. I thank her continuously for being inspired for sharing it with me because it is a good one. I thank her for knowing me so well that she knew I would love this song. She is the best at finding music.

Been a Long Day by Rosi Golan

"It's been a long day, and I just wanna hide away. It's been a long week, I'm finally feeling like it's okay to break. It's been a long year, and I'm finally ready to be here."

blessed..

I'm not writing today's post because my mind is all over the place and I don't even know what to say. Sorry Day 23. I failed.

Today. I am so grateful to have such a dear friend. A friend who will stand by my side when I need her there.. A friend who will give up so much to do something for me that may seem so small, because she knows it isn't small. She knows it is everything to me.

I am so blessed.

twenty two.

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Dear Everyone?

I just think life is too short to hold grudges. I hope if you feel you have wronged me in any way, you know that second chances never run out with me. I hope in return, you will forgive me for the mistakes I have made. Life is so much easier that way. =)

With love,

Simply Jane

twenty-first

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Dear You,

I'm sorry. 

I suppose I will focus on what I learned from this dreadful mistake. I guess in judging you.. I learned many things.

[I learned] that when someone admits to their mistakes, it is a sign that they have humbled, or are trying to at least.

[I learned] that if someone insists they are trying to change, I should give them a chance. They might surprise me.

[I learned] that people with a bad reputation deserve a fresh start.

[I learned] that some of the best people I have ever met, are those that have once made the biggest of mistakes.

[I learned] that judging a person only leads that person to become disappointed in themselves, and makes everything worse...

[I learned] that everyone is guilty of judging others on occasion, and it is something that I really should work on, and learn from.

[I learned] that making judgements too quickly can result in long-term heartache.

[I learned] just how important it is to let a person show me who they are,  and not let everyone else do it for them.

[I learned] that some of the strongest people are the ones who go through the most public ridicule.

[I learned] that there are two sides to every story.

[I learned] to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. There is always time to figure out the entire story.

[I learned] that by choosing to disregard first impressions and judgements, I will be able to meet some fabulous people.

Thank you for teaching me all of this. I'm sorry again for judging you in the first place. I hope you believe me when I say that I quickly realized the kind of person you truly are deep down, and deeply regretted the problems that were caused because of my impulsive judging.

With love,

Simply Jane

Also. Happy twenty-first birthday to my sister, Jennica! I love you!

source: ask me if you are really that curious =)

twenty.

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Yeah. There was one that hurt me a little bit more than all the rest, but my dear friend Spring stated, "The very reason for her greatest joy has been her deepest sorrow." Indeed, I do believe this to be true.

Dear You.

I try not to think about the hurt anymore, because is truly doesn't matter right now, does it? Sorry it has taken me so long to be understanding. I almost feel like I shouldn't even be writing this post because, well, why dwell on such things? 

It truly is in the past, but I guess I can't just opt out of the 30-day challenge once I hit day 20. So yes, here is a little picture  that pulled at my heart strings.

And yes, you were my deepest sorrow, but only because first, you were my greatest joy.

I could fly.

So all in all, not a big deal right? Everything kinda equals out.

Loveeely. =)

With love,

Simply Jane

source

dear pester-er

Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad.

source unavailable. =)

Pester-er: —noun: 1. One who pesters.

Why would I choose to write on someone who pesters my mind in a bad way? As we can see from the above picture posted, this pester is a good thing.

Dear You, the Pest.

You pester my mind, yes. Sometimes you creep in when I least expect it. You sneak into my thoughts leaving me with the lamest of crooked grins plastered across my face. Then I blush and realize that I am being lame again and I try to pretend the whole thing didn't even happen. I really don't know how you do it, because so much of the time you drive me crazy... Okay, so I suppose maybe you do pester my mind in a bad way as well. Not in the bad way such as.... I sit here and plot ways to destroy your life. I don't even sit and grit my teeth at the thought of your existence. I don't seethe in anger or even contemplate why in heavens you sometimes act the way you do. There is no conniving, no undermining, no manipulating, and no games. Not even close. I guess the pestering in "bad way" pretty much means... I don't understand how somebody that drives me as completely insane as you do at such odd hours of the day, always leaves me with a smile. Through everything, the disagreements, the misunderstandings, the silences, whatever it is, you always find a way to find my smile. Thank you for whatever it is about you that keeps me drinking a glass half full of kool-aid on the rainiest of days. Thank you for pestering my mind and making my world so... lovely. You can  just continue to pester my mind if you'd like. It's alright by me.

With love always,

Simply Jane.

day 18.

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

You are smarter, prettier, and thinner than I am. You don't get angry and you don't play games. You always stay calm, and you are never overly stressed, but on the contrary, you aren't too laid back either. You never procrastinate, and you do things when you are asked. You volunteer, you use your time wisely, and you work hard. You never gossip, and you always say nice things about other people. You aren't too shy. You are reserved enough to be polite, but you are not afraid to branch out and start a conversation with a stranger. You don't ever wear make up, because you don't need to. You don't care what other people think, and you don't judge others. You stick up for others, and you stick up for yourself. You don't let others be disrespectful of you, but you are able to stand up for yourself in such a polite way. You are kind, you are generous, and you are humble. You are not over-eager, but you care about what you do. You put your heart and soul into the things most important to you. You accomplish those things you start. You never get jealous. You always want others to be happy even if it comes at the cost of your own. Your standards are set, and they never are lowered. You stick up for what you believe in, and you have the desire to always make the right decisions. You love others, even when they have done you wrong. You don't hold grudges, and you understand how to forgive and truly forget. Please teach me how to become you.

With love, 

Simply Jane

I guess it would be nice to be perfect, although I am who I am, and that is alright by me.

source.

childhood.

Day 17 - Someone from your childhood

 I was an avid collector of ©Ty Beanie Babies. I think I ended up with maybe nearly fifty of the little animals. I wonder where they are now? Anyway, I don't remember how old I was—five, maybe six— but one year for Christmas I got a brand new bright purple teddy bear. Princess was her name. I had never been attached to a stuffed animal, but Princess became my best friend. I hope she is currently stowed away in a box of things from my childhood. I think I will search for her this week. 

Day 16.

Someone who lives in a different state or country.

Naturally there was one person who came to mind.

Tribute to:

Oprah Winfrey

Did you know it's her farewell season?

If you didn't, now you do.

I expect you to start watching.

i misssss you plus songs.

Day 15. Dear Person I miss the most.


I really don't know who this person is. I miss a lot of people. I miss old friendships that have dimmed, and I miss relatives that I just don't see very often. I miss my siblings. I miss my high school teachers. I miss my room mates at BYU. I miss everyone, so I guess I have nothing in particular to say about that today. 

Every Song

side note: don't judge my links. I was just making it easy to hear the songs, not see the often lame videos.

Dream - Priscilla Ahn

Madly - Tristan Prettyman

You Will Never Be - Julia Sheer

Superman Tonight - Bon Jovi

Papercut - Apollo Drive

Gotta Have You - The Weepies

Dance So Good - Wakey Wakey

When You Come Back Down - Nickel Creek

I'll Hold My Breath - Ellie Goulding

Silence - Aly & AJ

Run - Rex Goudie

When You Find Me - Joshua Radin

Do You Remember Me? - Liz Golden

Okay I'll stop myself before I just write one million songs.

I could go on forever.