I need to stop taking such long Sunday naps.

Sometimes I do this thing where I randomly stay up until three am.

No real reason I do this.

I'm actually quite tired.

These are some of my scattered thoughts today.

I like skype, but apparently not as much as my roomies do.

I want it to snow here. I'm in the Christmas spirit.

It's still eight degrees every day and I wear shorts though so I don't think snow is in the books.

No bueno.

It bothers me when people think I'm dumb.

Sometimes I am dumb though, but you can stop thinking it, thanks.

I like aprons.

I suddenly feel horrible for all the times I ditched my friends for my boyfriend in the past.

It's something everyone experiences I suppose.. 

but I sure liked it better when my roomies were single.

Sorry friends. Sorry for being lame sometimes.

I'm so happy I'm Canadian. Canada is lovely.

Do you know what else is lovely? New socks.

I hate finding a clothing article I like only to look at the price tag and realize how expensive it is.

I've stopped looking at price tags. Problem solved.

I like cookie dough better without chocolate chips.

I like cookie dough better than cookies.

I finally bought a chair for my room and I'm so happy.

I'm sitting in my chair right now.

I have a fetish for soft shirts. You know the ones with the material so light and thin and cozy that it makes you want to cuddle up. Yeah. I can't say no to a cozy shirt.

Boys are pigs, but you know what? Girls can be too. It goes both ways.

We need to all sort out our priorities.

I want a swing in my room. Or a hammock. I would make such good use of either of those.

Sometimes I think it's funny when people think I'm clueless about things but really I'm not.

I want to go sledding.

I don't believe in internet dating. Long distance, yes. Internet dating, no. 

I also do not like how many people get divorced. It makes me sad.

It makes me very hesitant about getting married in general.

Good thing I'm single. haha.

I really like being single I think. Life is all about me. 

I'm numero uno. 

I didn't mean for that to sound so selfish, it's just nice to have some time to figure myself out, ya know?

Not be defined by another person.

I like saying numero uno and numero dos. 

Sometimes I find ways I can sneak it into conversations.

Joshua Radin is my go-to music.

I love all of his music.

I want to buy some twinkle lights for my already cozy bedroom.

And I want to put the word dream on the wall.

Not that I need a reminder or anything. 

Speaking of dreams, have I ever mentioned how I have the most vivid dreams regularly?

Yeah. I'm a dreamer.

But really, doesn't this look fabulously cozy?

source.

It's like I've been living life wrong. This will be my project next week. 

White lights in my room.

Well, rant over. I guess I will go to sleep now.

Hello, Governor!

I think I've learned patience pretty good over the past few years... I'm not saying I'm Queen Patience, by all means. Sometimes I am pretty sure I am less patient than I was when I was a toddler. Anyway, since Cody has been gone, I haven't known for sure when he is coming home. Just an estimation. And that has been fine. But now.. I'm going a bit crazy. You see, there are three potential dates for him to come home. He has said he might come home February 14th, March 1st, or March 22nd. Those dates might seem close to each other when in the scheme of things he has been gone for two years so whats another couple weeks here and there, but seriously? I'm going crazy. I have three countdowns.

95 days.

110 days.

131 days.

.. that 95 days is sure making me excited. It's such a tease. And when it was at 131 days, it was still making me excited. But now seeing a 95 days next to a 131 days, I am not sure I have ever felt more depressed about 131 days in my life. 

I am pretty sure he is doing this just to be a trickster. He's just going to show up at home one day. "Surprise! I'm home!"

Not cool. 

Scratch that... That would be freaking amazing. Now I not only have my hopes up for 95 days but my hopes are up for him showing up randomly unexpectedly. Like January. Or next week. Which isn't going to happen.

I guess in all reality, it isn't going to make a huge difference which of those days he comes home, because I live in Texas until April 22 anyway. 

So now that I've complained about not knowing when Cody is coming home for long enough, I am going to take a moment here to celebrate the fact that I graduate so soon. And Cody is coming home so soon. Regardless of the fact that it is either 95 days or 110 days or 131 days, its not 700. or 600.. or even 200. 

Now, disregarding all of that. I took this lovely photo on October 12th. The day I skyped Justin Bieber. Okay so not really. But kind of. That is the day that my lovely best friend Steph skyped me from a Justin Bieber concert. That glowing blob in the middle of the screen is in fact Justin Bieber, in the flesh kind of. As you can see, I'm not excited about it at all.

Sometimes I just have to say whats on my mind. Sorry if you don't like it.

I miss my best friend.

It's been lovely to have time to grow and learn about myself and become independent.

It's been lovely to be able to simply be me, and to work on becoming the person I want to become.

It's been lovely to be able to be in school without the distraction of a boyfriend that I want to be with all the time.. (I'm quite terrible at prioritizing when it comes to that sort of thing..)

It's been lovely to have someone to miss so much

someone to write letters to and someone who writes me back just as much, sometimes more

It's been lovely to live in this middle place where the future is so unknown

where nothing is really for sure

but I'm ready to stop this now.

I'm ready for these last few months to be finished.

I'm ready for a big hug. 

I'm ready to sing at the top of my lungs all of the songs I used to sing

I'm ready to really smile again and mean it

I'm ready for movie nights and airsoft wars.

I'm ready to have someone say goodnight to me and someone to listen to my ranting

I'm ready for someone to laugh with me when I'm being ridiculous

for someone to make me laugh when I'm sad

I'm ready for Sunday naps and late night conversations

I'm ready for my heart to stop hurting

and I'm ready to never have to say goodbye, ever again.

one hundred and six more days. 

source.

"I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!"

Yesterday my two lovely room mates Sarah and Bailey packed up the car and drove 27 hours to Utah. 27 hours. That's just one way.
I almost went with them. Almost. They've been planning this trip for a couple weeks and they have been trying to convince me.
They came quite close, here and there.
I'm a fan of road trips and such. I love spontaneous things.
And let me tell you, this was tempting.
You see, my sister and her husband live in Utah, two of my best friends live in Utah, my mom and brother are going to visit this weekend there, and my other best friend is going to Utah too. Everyone is going to Utah.
We saints sure know how to gather.
Except for me I guess.
I simply just didn't want to go.
Maybe it was the fact that I didn't want to drive for 27 hours.. x2
Or maybe it was because I still haven't quite recovered from my trek from Canada to Texas last January...
Or maybe I just want to hide in Texas a little bit longer..
Or maybe I just simply felt like having the weekend to myself.
Whatever the reason is, I find myself alone in my apartment and let me tell you, I am happy as a clam.
I could definitely live alone. I love my room mates. Let me make sure that's clear. They are the best. But I'm just throwing this out there.. I'm kind of a loner sometimes and I kind of like it that way.
I haven't said any words for hours now and I just really like that.
Is it weird that my thoughts keep me plenty company?
No, I don't hear voices. But I sure do think a lot.
So far, I have read a book, suntanned at the pool, watched ten episodes of Gilmore Girls, painted my toenails and my fingernails, took two naps, and ate pizza, twice.
I'm not even going crazy being alone. Not even a little bit.
I still have Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and half of Tuesday until they come back.
So much time.
Tomorrow I'm having a candlelit bubble bath and going shopping I think.
I might make a cake but just eat the batter and not bake it. I'm not sure. That may be pushing it.
Who am I kidding. That sounds awesome right now.
Well, that's all right now. Hope everyone else's weekends are as positively wonderful as mine.

source

Oh, and now that everyone knows I'm home alone for four more days, I'm double locking the door so don't even bother trying to break in. Also, Sarah and Bailey both left their mace behind. 

but then I just smile.

There are just a lot of things that are making me very very very happy right now. 

So.. I'm gonna make a list so someday when I'm grumpy I can remember that not every day is a bad day.

I'm happy

[because] I get to go home again in two and a half months. Maybe sooner. Maybe?

[because] I'm graduating in seven months. Say whaaa?

[because] I have the best roomies ever. Honestly, I don't know how I got so lucky.

[because] I'm going to New York in May to fulfill a lifelong dream of singing in Carnegie Hall. FACT.

[because] mine, Sarah's, and Bailey's mattresses have all been in the living room for almost three weeks now. Best.Decsion.Ever.

[because] someone loves me even when I make stupid mistakes. Which happens a lot.

[because] I have so many wonderful years ahead of me to do so many wonderful things. I think the best is yet to come. =)

[because] this semester isn't so bad. It isn't so bad at all. 

[because] I finally like vegetables. (Except tomatoes. Never.)

[because] I have the best friends. Ever. Karlee, Steph, Kate, and Michelle. Honestly, days and days and days go by and we are all living our separate lives but I love each of these girls with all my heart and I would do anything for them if they asked me to, and I think they feel the same.

[because] my school just decided to give me and my roomies all $2500 for a scholarship. I'm so glad that my roomies make sure I study sometimes.

[because] I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And every single time I make mistakes... Every single time I mess up and get lost, Every.Single.Time. God is there, welcoming me back with open arms. I am so so lucky to have the knowledge that I have of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

[because] Texas has been good to me. I live in a darling little apartment with wonderful roomies and have the best instructors and am in an amazing educational program helping me get an amazing career and a wonderful little Texas family whom I love with my whole heart. I have a cozy bed and the sun shines even when it's cloudy.

[because] I'm healthy. I am lucky to be as healthy as I am.

[because] happiest girls are the prettiest girls.

[because] being happy is so much more rewarding than being sad.

x

this is wisdom.

x

spring cleaning.

Well, summer has left me. It came and went quickly. Some days were perfect. Some days I regret. There are words I wish I would have said and words I wish I wouldn't have. There are things I wish I wouldn't have done, and other things I wish I would have...

 Regardless,

it's time to let summer 2012 rest in peace. 

With that, I think it's time to take a bit of a break. 

With some wise wise words from my lovely friend Karlee, I've decided to simplify things in life. Sure, my life wasn't overly complicated before...

 but I am still taking some me time.

Karlee Rae told me to focus on me. 

Focus on making my life what I want it to be and also focus on becoming who I want to become.

 I really love her for telling me that. 

I feel like I've tried doing that before and sometimes I feel like I figure it out. 

Apparently not.

Truth is, I still just don't really know who I am. I change my mind about things every day. 

I'm scared of commitment and decision making.

I'm scared of honesty.

I'm more scared of dishonesty.

I'm scared of the future and unfortunately, I'm still scared of my past.

And mostly, I'm scared to death of getting hurt.

So, I'm just going to take a little break from planning and dwelling and wondering and pondering and just kind of let myself breathe a little bit and have a little faith that things willlll in fact happen the way they are supposed to. My heart hurts a little bit, but it will be okay someday. =)

source.

half over.

Being home has been quite a treat.  

Southern Alberta has treated me well.

Quite well.

I have to say the fact that I'm going back to Texas in twelve days makes me panic a little bit. 

I've already been here for twelve, and it's gone so fast.

 I feel like I'm not quite finished with my time here. 

Hopefully the next twelve days will go perfectly. 

The last twelve have certainly had ups and downs, but despite the downs..

  the ups and the realizations I've made and the chances I've decided to take

 have made everything so worth it..  =)

I keep learning a little bit more about myself every day.

 I like that.

I'm making a list now.

1. My bed is my favorite belonging. Is that bad?
2. I love the weather here. I love that it cools down at night.
3. I like wearing jeans better than wearing shorts.
4. Having a washer and drier is so convenient. Also having a fully equipped kitchen is so convenient.
5. Sometimes you just have to be spontaneous and try to win fifty bucks by running through the mud bog, because sometimes you win.
6. People don't change all that much. I'm still the same me I was when I was 12 and when I was 17. Sure, there are differences, but deep down, I have the same heart. It's just a little tougher and experienced.
7. I love my friends with all my heart.
8. I want to go back to school after I graduate from Dental Hygiene.
9. I want to be an English teacher... Surprise surprise.
10. Being straight up is the only way to be. Nothing to lose, right?
11. Random people you hardly know like to take it upon themselves to make your business their business. So not cool.
12. Life is all about adjustments.
13. Boys like to be the hero, and girls just want a hero. How convenient.
14. Summer is the best time of year.. and summer stories are always the best. =)
15. Time can pass.. from days to weeks to months to years, but some things in life just never, ever change, no matter how much you think you want them to. Some things just are the way they are.
16. Some people ya just can't trust. It's sad really.
17. Sometimes you just have to choose to find your own way for some places in life instead of following the map you created for yourself so long ago.
18. I don't care about what other people think nearly as much as I used to. It feels like heaven.
19. I'm me. I'm Jane. I tell myself not to put my heart on the line, but I always do. Can't help it.
20. Some risks will always be worth taking, no matter how many times you've taken them before.

~We Bought A Zoo

every summer has a story.

Okay so I guess its more like every summer SHOULD have a story. But you see, last summer didn't really have much of a storyline for me. It involved working and going to bed early and waking up early. It wasn't terrible and of course, life threw me a curve ball or two in attempts to mix things up for me... but I didn't really do anything about it. I don't think I exactly took advantage of the summer sun and the freedom and the experiences I could have had.. and I'm kind of regretting it.

I think I had a bit of a wake up call. I arrived home, not expecting all too much of my three weeks, with a few plans here or there. Nothing set in stone, but sometimes crap just happens and makes you realize that in fact you gotta make life count.

So, in effort to make up for my terribly dull summer of 2011, combined with the fact that I was in school until five days ago, I have exactly three weeks to make up for lost summertime.  Now I have three weeks of no job, no commitments, and no expectations, I am quite determined to make the story of summer 2012 one worth smiling about and maybe even writing about if I find the time. I already have a few things checked off my bucket list, and I certainly have a few more things I need to do before I am headed back to Texas. I suppose this is my vow to make every second count this summer. I have to say I'm looking forward to having no regrets, not over-thinking things, and just living a little bit, because I'm tired of being a student zombie. I'm ready for a few more spontaneous late night adventures, a few more days on the lake, perhaps a little camping and hopefully not too much sleeping. I'm excited to just stop worrying about doing what everyone else expects me to do this summer and not caring about what everyone else thinks. It's gonna be good.

x

Adios Amigos. Actually.

I want to go homeeeee. I haven't been home since Christmas. I know I shouldn't complain because lots of people go much longer than seven months without being home, but oh well. I'm complaining anyway.

I miss Waterton. I miss my cute little uniform that I got to wear all last summer. Oh and by cute I mean ugly. But wonderful nonetheless. I miss the mountains. I miss the smell of crisp air in the morning. I miss the deer. I miss the freezing cold lake. I miss Big Scoop. I miss Scrubway. I miss Pat and Ralph, and Anders. I miss the campground Kiosks. I miss being greeted at the gate by Bart, or Ethan. I miss the cute little movie theater. I miss the golf cart, and the club car. I miss Crandell and seeing 9283749238 bears on the drive there. I miss spraying down the bathrooms and squeegie-ing the camp kitchens. How the heck to you spell squeegie? I miss angry campers. Okay mostly I miss telling everyone about the crazy campers. I miss everything. I had the best job last summer. Ever. Confession: I have a dream about once a week that I am all geared up in my green pants and polo, cruising the campground on the golf cart like a champ. Seriously miss it.

I miss Cardston, all lit up at night. I miss driving and seeing the temple glowing. I miss my giant bed and how it feels like a cloud. I miss the unpredictable weather. I miss being able to be outside and not have to worry about all my makeup dripping off my face from humidity. I miss rootbeer slurpees from Reddi Mart. I miss BBQing with my dad in the backyard. I miss tanning with my mom on the deck. I miss my besties. I miss having sleepovers and watching movies all day. I miss not having to study for tests. I miss not having to wake up early. I miss the colorful Canadian currency. I miss saying garbage instead of trash, and bayg and flayg instead of bAAG and flAAAg without being laughed at.

I miss Canada. I want to go home. Texas is lovely and I am loving my time here, but it simply is just not home. Okay now that I have that all out, I should go pack because I am going home in two days! =)

x

I really can't think of a title because this is really short.

Someone please grant me patience to survive these next seven months.

+

Because I miss Cody. Accept it.

Don't say you haven't been warned.

Memory lane.

Well its 2 am and my heart hurts because I am missing Cody tonight. I have been doing that a lot lately. I think maybe it's because he is actually coming home soon(ish) and I am starting to get excited/nervous. 

Did you know he will be home in 204 days?

Okay so I guess I don't know for sure when he will be home yet.. but 204 more or less.

To most, I'm sure, that seems ridiculous.. 

but when you compare it to 731, it's really not very many days.

 In fact, that number seems quite small. =)

Maybe that is what has been picking at my mind. 

A return date would be nice. I like knowing things.

Anyway.  What I'm here for..

Story time.

So a little over two years ago, I was really sad. Looking back, I realize it was silly to be so sad but, my eighteen year old heart was quite broken it seemed.

Cody and I weren't dating at the time, but he was still very important to me and always remained a good friend through the ups and downs, even when I didn't deserve it.

We were in Waterton, and he knew I was sad so he was just keeping me company because he's a good friend like that. We decided to go for a walk. I was kind of cold so I took the big down-filled comforter off of my bed and wrapped myself up inside. We walked to the docks overlooking the lake and then decided to just lay down and talk.

He didn't have to ask why I was sad because he already knew, and even though it hurt him that I was sad, he just let me be sad and he let me talk about it. He offered advice, but he also just listened. I remember him scratching my back and then I remember him holding my hand. Not in a romantic sort of way, but in a "I'm your friend and I'm not leaving you because I know you need someone" sort of way. Sometimes thats all you need.

I shared my blanket with him and we just stayed there side by side.

I think I cried for a while. It's definitely possible.

Cody listened to every single reason why I was sad, even though it broke his heart to hear. We just stayed there on the docks, looking at the stars, and talking for hours and hours. 

That was the night I knew that Cody was for real. 

He wasn't going anywhere.

He showed me what unconditional love was.

Even though I didn't deserve a friend like him

even though I had hurt him

even though he loved me and I wasn't quiiite ready to love him back

even though I was silly and lost

even though I was immature and confused and blind

he was there for me.

Every single day.

He always said someday I would see 

Well, he was right..

and sure didn't take long. 

=)

And that is why, nearly eighteen months of being apart, I haven't been able to come close to replacing him.

I don't know what's going to happen when he gets home, but I am sure excited to find out.

And I think that no matter what happens,

 he will always be that friend that is always there.

He's a keeper I think.

+

It's okay to like things that other people don't.

Something that makes me crazy is when people aren't themselves. I have posted about this so many times before. I go through phases I guess, and I should probably stop letting this bother me because it's never going to go away. It just makes me so sad to see people who don't know who they are .. and then they end up just latching onto the personality or life or ideas of someone else.
I can't even imagine how much that would suck. Seriously.

Everyone is different. It's better that way.

Sure, trends happen. Fads happen. Styles come in and out and some things are just popular.

It happens. And there's nothing wrong with that.

But for goodness sakes, that still leaves room to be a little unique.

I just wish everyone would:

say whats on their mind

dress how they want to dress

do what they want to do

love the things they want to love

It's okay to like things that other people don't.

It's okay to not like things that other people do.

Really. Thats what keeps things interesting.

Too many people are concerned with conformity.

Doing whatever it takes to fit in.

To not be noticed.

Or worse,

Seeing what makes others stand out and then using that same thing to make yourself stand out?

That doesn't count.

I know maybe it's hard, but it's not impossible.

Find what makes you different from everyone else. That's what makes you you.

Find that thing and embrace it.

Wear the ugly shoes.

Listen to that strange song.

Realize you don't actually like the new Katy Perry song, and don't be afraid to admit it.

Eat that odd food.

Wear that unknown perfume.

Listen to that old song.

And stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

Okay thanks. =)

I'm going to the beach today.

I don't think I will be getting in the water though. 

You see, we will be fishing for sharks.

Yes, sharks.

Luring them to the shore.

Gah.

I will stay on the shore thankyouverymuch.

Wish me luck; it's supposed to be a hundred degrees.

Plus humidity.

I might die. From a shark... or heat. Either way.

I might die.

If I do, it was nice knowing y'all

even though I don't really know y'all.

Whatever.

Happy Saturday!

+

If only it rained more in Texas

It's thundering outside and I had a three hour nap.

It's a good day.

+

Not too shabby..

What makes today good.

1. Finding out I actually passed two tests I thought I failed. Two tests I was sure I failed. I'm so glad I didn't study any longer than necessary.

2. Canada day cupcakes. I wish I had a picture to post. Let's just say beavers and hockey sticks were involved. 

3. No school tomorrow. NO SCHOOL TOMORROW. Yay. I might have to suntan since how I have not spent any time outside since May.

4. I have clean laundry. Hallelujah. This is a feat for me. Not having a washer and drier has proven to be quite a frustration. Ohhh the life of a poor college student. 

5. I got a letter from Cody. And even though I have received 80+ letters from him now, I STILL get just as excited to see an envelope addressed to me sitting in the mailbox.

Every.single.time.

+

Liebster Award

Sometimes I get nominated for awards on blogger and it makes my whole day. I haven't been nominated for a while (that I know of..) probably due to the fact that I haven't been as active in the blogworld as I used to be. When I saw this tag I was quite excited. I received, from Chrissie from Life with Ze Riberts, the Liebster Award!

This is the description which I got from Chrissie's page.

The Liebster Blog Award is given to upcoming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The Meaning; Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome.

(Aww so kind. =) )

Here are the rules for receiving this award:

 1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you plus create 11 questions for the people you've tagged to answer.
3. Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
4. Go to their page and tell them.
5. Remember, no tag backs!

11 Things About Me.

1. I have 43 pairs of underwear. Yeah, I counted. I don't think you can ever have too many.

2. I have two paintings of Audrey Hepburn in my room to remind me to stay classy. Also one poster in my living room.

3. I think I might really love animals and it breaks my heart when they are hurt or neglected. I went to the pound once. Worst decision ever. Soo sad. I didn't really know this about myself until recently.

4. I am waiting for a missionary. Yep.  I am I am. Took me until now, nearly 17 months of Cody being away, to outwardly admit that, but I am. Anything could happen once he returns, I know, but I'm still waiting to see what happens. I miss him a lot. He's been gone for 511 days incase you were wondering.  

5. I haven't been home for 179 days. 31 more and I will be home for three whole weeks.  =)

6. I don't really mind doing dishes just as long as they aren't all dried and haven't been sitting there for a long time. 

7. I don't really like breakfast foods. Pancakes, french toast, waffles... they all kinda just make me feel sick.

8. I am a visual learner, not an auditory learner. I realized that most of my life I have spent not paying attention in class because I just have to go back and memorize everything after anyway. Sure, to help me understand concepts if I stay really focused, listening in class helps me, but for memorizing purposes? I'm terrible. I can hardly even repeat a sentence back to someone right after they say it. I think maybe I'm ADD. 

9. I've only used a flat iron on my hair twice in about four months. 

10. Sarah and Bailey are my roomies. They're the best.

11. I remember my dreams probably 4/7 nights a week. Sometimes more.

Okay, here are Chrissie's questions for me.

1. You're about to be shipwrecked... Which 3 items do you grab? Why?

Letter binder. I'd keep it dry somehow. That thing isn't replaceable. 

Water bottle. I'm pretty grumpy when I'm thirsty plus I get terrible headaches when I don't have enough water and it makes everything else in life seem impossible to do.

A knife? Because it seems like a good idea.

2. What's your "guilty pleasure"?

I have so many. Pinterest. TV series. Chick flicks. Mint chocolate chip ice cream. Just to name a few.

3. How many parts of the country you're from have you visited? Where?

9/10 provinces. All except for Newfoundland. I better make it there someday. I also want to visit the three territories just because that would be amazing. I just love Canada.

4. What's your biggest pet peeve?

Having the envelope on your phone telling you there is a voicemail or a text. Some people leave that thing on there for weeks saying they have a voicemail. GAH. Just delete it! Okay I actually have a lot of pet peeves but thats the first thing I thought of. Another one that is huge, ever bigger than the envelope on the phone, is when people leave banana peels or apple cores sitting out. Oh my word. They start to stink and get all shrivelled up and look so nasty. Seriously people just throw them away. Or out the window. Or something... but do NOT leave them laying around!

5. How many times have you moved house? Have you ever moved to a different part of the country or even a different country all together?

Well, I lived in the same house my whole life growing up. Then I moved to Utah for a few weeks and moved back home because I got sick. And then I moved to Texas for school... then I moved to a bigger apartment. So however many that is. I hate moving.

6. What's your "catchphrase"?

I have no idea. I say "that's lovely" a lot I think?

7. Favourite thing about blogging?

It's a release. Such a good way to get my thoughts down and I love reading old posts and remembering exactly how I was feeling on that day. I also love comments! haha

8. Reality TV programs? Yay or Nay? (if yay what's your favourite one, if nay which one gets on your nerves the most)

Does Bachelor/Bachelorette count? Man I love that show. So dumb but so addicting. 

9. Do you have any allergies?

I do. I was born with a milk allergy that I semi-grew out of when I was about 10, however if I eat dairy products when I am sick or run down I have bronchospasms. Not fun. Also seasonal allergies. And kiwi makes my tongue get all prickly.

10. If you could choose anywhere in the world, but only one place, where would you visit? Why?

England. I want to go to England.

11. If you won the lottery, what would you spend your money on?

School first haha and then I'd definitely have to shop. Then maybe save for a house?

Okayyy here are my 11 questions!

1. What is the best book you have ever read?

2. Who was your first love? When? 

3. What is your worst fear?

4. Why do you blog?

5. What is the last movie you watched?

6. What part of your morning routine is essential?

7. Who has influenced your life the most?

8. What was your best birthday ever?

9. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime?

10. How many times a day do you brush your teeth, and for how long? (be honest!)

11. How many pillows are on your bed?

Tags =)

 Chelan

Missijo

Mikenlee

Josabet

Kate

Tessa

Kiara

Jennica

Kinzee

Victoria

Desiree

pick a side

The other day I decided to take a trip down memory lane and read some of my old blog posts. Well, I ended up reading like 100 from over a year ago. I realized how my blog posts used to be a million times more interesting, and I realized that's because I used to be better at sharing the thoughts deeper inside my heart. I guess it's safe to say that I've changed a lot the last two years. Just a little realization. I will try to be better at blogging whats really on my mind. Wish me luck.

So, lately I've been thinking a lot about the terms selflessness and selfishness. These paradoxical terms go hand in hand when determining the nature of a person. I realize, it is impossible to be both. It's the same thing as knowing that "No man can serve two masters "(Matt 6:24). These contradictory terms are the foundation for interaction with other people. Lately I have been surrounded by people who, to me, appear either very selfish, or very selfless. I can't help but want to be surrounded by those people who are only selfless. People who get caught up over the tiniest details and spend their life making sure everything is completely fair in all directions, I find to be very selfish.

Newsflash. Life just isn't fair, and it is impossible to make sure that everything is equal 100% of the time. Selfishness doesn't always mean wanting the most or wanting the best, it sometimes just means not being willing to give a little bit extra, or not realizing how being so self-centered can hurt others, or spending so much time worrying about how you can be successful that you forget to notice the things you are doing to reach that success are hurting others. Selflessness, on the other hand, only ever results in blessings. The person who is willing to give the last few dollars to pay for something, or the person who is willing to make a sacrifice to make sure someone else is able to succeed means a lot. The person who is willing to give advice over and over and listen to others over and over without ever being asked if they need anything. Small acts of daily sacrifice and kindness can make a world of difference. Being surrounded by both of these characteristics has made me question myself: which master am I serving?

When put into that context, it appears quite clear which master I want to be serving. Selflessness comes from God, and selfishness comes from the devil. There really isn't any other way to say it. When it's put that way, I choose God. Every.single.time.

I do find myself getting caught up on little things that don't matter often, and I want to stop. I want to be the person who is willing to make that sacrifice for other people.  I'm far from perfect, but learning a little bit about these two words and experiencing the effects of them has really been eye opening. Being selfless doesn't mean you have to donate your life savings to a charity. It doesn't mean to let others walk all over you. It simply means being open minded enough to see that the tiniest details really don't matter. Being willing to help someone out if they need it, and being aware enough to realize it before they have to ask.  It means buying the bracelet from the little kiddos in Mexico even though you already have five. They are only a dollar anyway. It means taking care of yourself and your things so no one else has to do it for you. It means giving spare change to the beggars on the street, because you know what? No one really knows for sure that they are going to be spending that money on drugs an alcohol. It means thinking about yourself less so you can realize how your actions are impacting other people. It means buying the cookies from the girl scout trying to raise money. It means not spending so much time thinking about how you can make your own life better, and maybe thinking about how you can make the life of someone else just a little bit easier. Now, I'm sure it's easier said than done, but theres no harm in making a good effort. I'm starting today.

+

Okay, I'm done now.

I choose happily ever after, please and thank you.

Sometimes I see everyone's lives as a novel. I'm not sure thats a good thing, but it's just something I do. Sometimes I look at the lives of others and think their lives are perfect full of adventure and self discovery and happy endings. I see people who travel the world living the nomadic life of a gypsy and are tasting the deliciousness of culture for years on end. How incredible. I also see the lives of some living the quietly quaint life of a perfect housewife, baking beautiful cakes and creating beautiful children. Everyones lives are so incredibly different. Each their own kind of plot line. Each their own kind of wonderful. Inevitably, everyone has low points in lives. Turmoil and tumult. I see once ideal lives fall apart from wrong choices or just a round of terrible luck. Sometimes this gets me down, whether it be because I feel lost in my own life or because those I care about seem lost in their own. The other day I was thinking a lot about this, and then I read this quote.

"At any given moment you have the power to say, this is not how the story is going to end."

**Problem is, I don't know who said it. I've seen it a bunch of different places. So to whomever first said these beautiful words, nice work. The credit is all yours.


How lucky are we that at any given moment we can stop and decide that this isn't the right ending for us. Sometimes I've felt like the direction my life is headed has already been decided due to expectations and assumptions. I know {generally} where I want to go and the true long-term goals I have for myself, but just because people assume things are going to happen in a certain way, doesn't mean they have to happen that way. It's really not up to anyone else. I love knowing that even though so many people have certain expectations of me, I can choose how MY story ends. No matter what that ending is, I know it's going to be the happily ever after kind. Those are the best kinds.

I only wish those dear to me would all have this same realization. Just because they have been dealt a lousy hand as of late, doesn't mean there is always time for another round.

source

Okay I'm stepping off of my soapbox now.

Does anyone have a GPS for life?

I feel like you're always told that you go to college to find yourself, whatever that means.

Well, I'm going to be honest. 

I've changed, yes, but deep down, I still feel like that same seventeen year old girl who has no idea what she wants in life and no idea where she wants to live or what she wants to do. College is ending [somewhat] soon and I still feel like I'm STILL at a crossroads. 

That same crossroads I was at this time last year, 

and the year before, 

and the year before.

I don't want to choose paths. 

I don't want to decide whats next.

 I don't want to make any life changing decisions. 

I want to learn more.

I want my heart to heal.

I want to travel more.

I want to meet people.

I want to spend too much money.

I want to fall in love all over again.

I want to be spontaneous. 

I don't want to be an adult yet.

 I'm not ready for bills or houses or responsibility.

I'm not ready to be a wife or a mother. 

I'm not ready to find a real job.

 I'm not ready to graduate. 

I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations.

I'm not ready for decisions and life.

I just want to keep being me.

 I want to stay right in this place that I am.

I know it's unrealistic and just apart of growing up.

Girls my age are all getting married and even having kids.

I'm so happy for them. But my mind is blown.

I'll get there someday.

but for now, there's no harm in admitting that maybe, I'm just scared.

Yep. That's it.

source.

Fill in the blank Friday

I found this here, and I like it. I'm going to do it more often maybe if I remember.

1.  The best surprise ever would be, a visit from a friend. I love surprise visits. There is something magical about having someone knock on the door only to see someone you love waiting outside very unexpectedly.

2. Summer. Every year of my life. From days at the swimming pool and lemonade stands as a little munchkin to being wreckless and falling in love under the stars as a silly teenager. Summer is my most favorite memory .

3.  The hardest, but most worthwhile thing I've ever done was   getting on the wall in Mr. Heninger's class. From the beginning of my grade twelve year I knew I wanted to achieve excellence in that class to the point of getting my picture hung up alongside the English All-Stars. It was worth every re-written essay and flash card and late night of reading.

4.  The best part of my day is   free time. Whenever that ends up being. When my studying is done and my room is clean and I am free to lay on my bed and text whomever I please and think and listen to music and ponder life and write in my journal. It usually happens a few hours before midnight.

5. Something I like that most people don't is    visiting the dentist. I seriously love it. I guess that gives me comfort in the fact that the career I've decided on is a dental hygienist. But seriously, sit me in a dental chair and pick away at my teeth and clean them as long as you want. I love it.

6. Something I am willing to fight for is   my beliefs. Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has helped me become who I am. It is the center of who I am and directs me where I want to go. I can't imagine living life without knowing what I know and being able to live the way I want to live according to my standards. 

7.  Something you might not know about me is  I love swings. I always have and I always will. Whether it be the freezing cold in the dead of winter or a beautiful summer night under sthe stars, I can be happy on a swing for hours.

Things you should know about me if we're gonna be BFFs.

So I've been in a blogging rut. I don't know what to write about so I don't even go on blogger and read other posts so now I am so far behind on everyones blogs I don't know where to start. Also, so much has happened lately in my life that I don't know where to start blogging to catch up on everything. Ya know what. I'm not gonna do that whole catch up thing. Nope.

Today I came across this and thought it was a lovely idea. 

I'm doing a bit of a different take on it. I will do another one again soon more like the post I read because it's hilarious. But here I go.

If We're Gonna Be BFFs.

1. You have to call me Jane, not Janeen. I don't mind either name to be honest. But all of my best friends call me Jane. And when you call me Jane it makes me feel like we're tighter. I don't know why. It's just how I am.

2. Don't tell me not to buy something because I don't have enough money. I already know I don't have enough money. I like shopping. Impulsive shopping. When you tell me that I don't have the money for it it just pisses me off and sort of humiliates me and makes me want to buy it more just because I can. Terrible, I know. If you really think I shouldn't get it, tell me I could find something cuter for cheaper somewhere else.

3. Don't steal my clothes. I don't share clothes. Maybe this isn't very nice but I have never been a huge clothes sharer. Probably due to the fact that my mother wouldn't let my sister and I share clothes because we fought like rabid beasts whenever we did. I won't borrow your clothes so don't ask to borrow mine. (this is not including sweats, pajama shirts, and big comfy sweaters.)

4. Don't copy me. Dangit this is my hugest pet peeve. Sometimes I feel like a twelve year old still when I get so frustrated when people use my ideas as their own. Sure, we can be friends if you do this but we will never be BFFs.

5. Don't question my love life. Don't criticize me for mistakes I've made in past relationships, or even just criticize relationships I've had in the past. I don't regret dating anyone I have dated. All of the guys have been very important to me for different reasons in my life so when you laugh at a relationship I've had or say something rude about one of my ex boyfriends I will be extremely defensive. I'm the only one that is allowed to hate on my ex's.. and I don't hate any of them.

6. You have to sometimes just let me be lazy. If you don't want to sit around all day and watch TV or movies and have a relaxing day of accomplishing nothing, thats fine... you can leave or do whatever you want.... just don't whine about how I don't want to do anything. Sometimes I just need those days.

7. Don't date anyone I've dated in the last three years. Before that, I'm sure I could move past it. Call me a hypocrite or something (haha) I'm just being honest. I will not feel okay if you start dating anyone I have dated [seriously] since the middle of 2009. We will not be able to be BFFs. We probably won't even be able to be friends. Okay thats too far. But seriously. I will try really hard but it's just still too soon.

8. You can't ever laugh at my unrealistic crushes. Yes, I have a few. Justin Bieber is the only one I will admit to the blog. Mock me of my crazy ideas about love and romance I will never forgive you. I can't help it if I had many secret love affairs in another life. And when I tell you about the dreams I have about these wonderful unreachable men, don't you dare judge me.

9. You have to be secure... Now.. I know everyone has insecurities. I do too, and I am not saying you have to be 100% confident because I think that's kind of impossible at this point in life. But honestly, you have to be you, and you have to be okay with that. Comparing yourself to me or others around me just stresses me out and I don't know how to handle it or what to say to you. Everyone is different for a reason.

10. You can't be embarrassed of me. I'm me. Yes, I blog. =) Yes, I'm ridiculous sometimes. Yes, I'm quirky and weird and love with all my heart and am not ashamed of it. Yes, I cry too hard sometimes and yes I laugh too hard sometimes. Yes I get overly involved in things I should not. Yes sometimes I say too much, and other times, not nearly enough.  Sometimes I just have to sing at the top of my lungs and run down the street to click my heels. Sometimes I make a fool of myself and sometimes I get humiliated because of that. But, it's just who I am. You have to love me despite my weaknesses, but because of my strengths.

source.

"I believe in wearing pink."

Although I have not yet adjusted to the changes blogger made, I have to admit I miss posting just at tiny bit.. even though I have nothing really to post. All I can think of is these new pants I bought. I love them. They are my new best friend I think. Its usually too hot to wear them, but I made the sacrifice so Kate could snap a few pictures. Okay so they aren't quite as bright as they appear in this photo because Kate's camera does tricks or something but yes they are coral and yes I would wear them every single day if I could.

gone fishin.

This new blogger look has thrown me for a loop and every time I come to post I see the new layout and I just close the window because it looks complicated.
  I think I might be am slightly computer illiterate.. ?
So much change has been going on lately such that I feel as if I need a few more days to adjust to all this newness in life...

 ... so if you could excuse my absence while I gather myself I would greatly appreciate it.
Have a lovely day.

source.

birthday void.

I'm afraid that I can't let the day pass away without writing a little something about the meaning of today.

Today is April 16th. 

To some that might mean one thing or another, but to me, this means that my best friend is now 21. 

It means he could gamble in Las Vegas if he wanted to

It means he is no longer the same age as me

It means that he is the age he will be when he comes home

It means he has had two birthdays in Puerto Rico

All wonderful things.

However.

It means this is the last time Cody has a birthday that he doesn't receive birthday kisses. 

HALLELUJAH. 

I'm sure he is fine today with his lack of birthday kisses.

In fact, I'm sure it didn't even cross his mind.

Thats fine. 

It sure as heck crossed mine.

and you know what? Next year, I'm pretty sure it will cross his mind too, 

and thats good enough for me.

source.