Sometimes I just have to say whats on my mind. Sorry if you don't like it.

I miss my best friend.
It's been lovely to have time to grow and learn about myself and become independent.
It's been lovely to be able to simply be me, and to work on becoming the person I want to become.
It's been lovely to be able to be in school without the distraction of a boyfriend that I want to be with all the time.. (I'm quite terrible at prioritizing when it comes to that sort of thing..)
It's been lovely to have someone to miss so much
someone to write letters to and someone who writes me back just as much, sometimes more
It's been lovely to live in this middle place where the future is so unknown
where nothing is really for sure
but I'm ready to stop this now.
I'm ready for these last few months to be finished.
I'm ready for a big hug. 
I'm ready to sing at the top of my lungs all of the songs I used to sing
I'm ready to really smile again and mean it
I'm ready for movie nights and airsoft wars.
I'm ready to have someone say goodnight to me and someone to listen to my ranting
I'm ready for someone to laugh with me when I'm being ridiculous
for someone to make me laugh when I'm sad
I'm ready for Sunday naps and late night conversations
I'm ready for my heart to stop hurting
and I'm ready to never have to say goodbye, ever again.

one hundred and six more days. 


"I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!"

Yesterday my two lovely room mates Sarah and Bailey packed up the car and drove 27 hours to Utah. 27 hours. That's just one way.
I almost went with them. Almost. They've been planning this trip for a couple weeks and they have been trying to convince me.
They came quite close, here and there.
I'm a fan of road trips and such. I love spontaneous things.
And let me tell you, this was tempting.
You see, my sister and her husband live in Utah, two of my best friends live in Utah, my mom and brother are going to visit this weekend there, and my other best friend is going to Utah too. Everyone is going to Utah.
We saints sure know how to gather.
Except for me I guess.
I simply just didn't want to go.
Maybe it was the fact that I didn't want to drive for 27 hours.. x2
Or maybe it was because I still haven't quite recovered from my trek from Canada to Texas last January...
Or maybe I just want to hide in Texas a little bit longer..
Or maybe I just simply felt like having the weekend to myself.
Whatever the reason is, I find myself alone in my apartment and let me tell you, I am happy as a clam.
I could definitely live alone. I love my room mates. Let me make sure that's clear. They are the best. But I'm just throwing this out there.. I'm kind of a loner sometimes and I kind of like it that way.
I haven't said any words for hours now and I just really like that.
Is it weird that my thoughts keep me plenty company?
No, I don't hear voices. But I sure do think a lot.
So far, I have read a book, suntanned at the pool, watched ten episodes of Gilmore Girls, painted my toenails and my fingernails, took two naps, and ate pizza, twice.
I'm not even going crazy being alone. Not even a little bit.
I still have Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and half of Tuesday until they come back.
So much time.
Tomorrow I'm having a candlelit bubble bath and going shopping I think.
I might make a cake but just eat the batter and not bake it. I'm not sure. That may be pushing it.
Who am I kidding. That sounds awesome right now.
Well, that's all right now. Hope everyone else's weekends are as positively wonderful as mine.

Oh, and now that everyone knows I'm home alone for four more days, I'm double locking the door so don't even bother trying to break in. Also, Sarah and Bailey both left their mace behind. 

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