every summer has a story.

Okay so I guess its more like every summer SHOULD have a story. But you see, last summer didn't really have much of a storyline for me. It involved working and going to bed early and waking up early. It wasn't terrible and of course, life threw me a curve ball or two in attempts to mix things up for me... but I didn't really do anything about it. I don't think I exactly took advantage of the summer sun and the freedom and the experiences I could have had.. and I'm kind of regretting it.

I think I had a bit of a wake up call. I arrived home, not expecting all too much of my three weeks, with a few plans here or there. Nothing set in stone, but sometimes crap just happens and makes you realize that in fact you gotta make life count.

So, in effort to make up for my terribly dull summer of 2011, combined with the fact that I was in school until five days ago, I have exactly three weeks to make up for lost summertime.  Now I have three weeks of no job, no commitments, and no expectations, I am quite determined to make the story of summer 2012 one worth smiling about and maybe even writing about if I find the time. I already have a few things checked off my bucket list, and I certainly have a few more things I need to do before I am headed back to Texas. I suppose this is my vow to make every second count this summer. I have to say I'm looking forward to having no regrets, not over-thinking things, and just living a little bit, because I'm tired of being a student zombie. I'm ready for a few more spontaneous late night adventures, a few more days on the lake, perhaps a little camping and hopefully not too much sleeping. I'm excited to just stop worrying about doing what everyone else expects me to do this summer and not caring about what everyone else thinks. It's gonna be good.

x

Adios Amigos. Actually.

I want to go homeeeee. I haven't been home since Christmas. I know I shouldn't complain because lots of people go much longer than seven months without being home, but oh well. I'm complaining anyway.

I miss Waterton. I miss my cute little uniform that I got to wear all last summer. Oh and by cute I mean ugly. But wonderful nonetheless. I miss the mountains. I miss the smell of crisp air in the morning. I miss the deer. I miss the freezing cold lake. I miss Big Scoop. I miss Scrubway. I miss Pat and Ralph, and Anders. I miss the campground Kiosks. I miss being greeted at the gate by Bart, or Ethan. I miss the cute little movie theater. I miss the golf cart, and the club car. I miss Crandell and seeing 9283749238 bears on the drive there. I miss spraying down the bathrooms and squeegie-ing the camp kitchens. How the heck to you spell squeegie? I miss angry campers. Okay mostly I miss telling everyone about the crazy campers. I miss everything. I had the best job last summer. Ever. Confession: I have a dream about once a week that I am all geared up in my green pants and polo, cruising the campground on the golf cart like a champ. Seriously miss it.

I miss Cardston, all lit up at night. I miss driving and seeing the temple glowing. I miss my giant bed and how it feels like a cloud. I miss the unpredictable weather. I miss being able to be outside and not have to worry about all my makeup dripping off my face from humidity. I miss rootbeer slurpees from Reddi Mart. I miss BBQing with my dad in the backyard. I miss tanning with my mom on the deck. I miss my besties. I miss having sleepovers and watching movies all day. I miss not having to study for tests. I miss not having to wake up early. I miss the colorful Canadian currency. I miss saying garbage instead of trash, and bayg and flayg instead of bAAG and flAAAg without being laughed at.

I miss Canada. I want to go home. Texas is lovely and I am loving my time here, but it simply is just not home. Okay now that I have that all out, I should go pack because I am going home in two days! =)

x

Because I miss Cody. Accept it.

Don't say you haven't been warned.

Memory lane.

Well its 2 am and my heart hurts because I am missing Cody tonight. I have been doing that a lot lately. I think maybe it's because he is actually coming home soon(ish) and I am starting to get excited/nervous. 

Did you know he will be home in 204 days?

Okay so I guess I don't know for sure when he will be home yet.. but 204 more or less.

To most, I'm sure, that seems ridiculous.. 

but when you compare it to 731, it's really not very many days.

 In fact, that number seems quite small. =)

Maybe that is what has been picking at my mind. 

A return date would be nice. I like knowing things.

Anyway.  What I'm here for..

Story time.

So a little over two years ago, I was really sad. Looking back, I realize it was silly to be so sad but, my eighteen year old heart was quite broken it seemed.

Cody and I weren't dating at the time, but he was still very important to me and always remained a good friend through the ups and downs, even when I didn't deserve it.

We were in Waterton, and he knew I was sad so he was just keeping me company because he's a good friend like that. We decided to go for a walk. I was kind of cold so I took the big down-filled comforter off of my bed and wrapped myself up inside. We walked to the docks overlooking the lake and then decided to just lay down and talk.

He didn't have to ask why I was sad because he already knew, and even though it hurt him that I was sad, he just let me be sad and he let me talk about it. He offered advice, but he also just listened. I remember him scratching my back and then I remember him holding my hand. Not in a romantic sort of way, but in a "I'm your friend and I'm not leaving you because I know you need someone" sort of way. Sometimes thats all you need.

I shared my blanket with him and we just stayed there side by side.

I think I cried for a while. It's definitely possible.

Cody listened to every single reason why I was sad, even though it broke his heart to hear. We just stayed there on the docks, looking at the stars, and talking for hours and hours. 

That was the night I knew that Cody was for real. 

He wasn't going anywhere.

He showed me what unconditional love was.

Even though I didn't deserve a friend like him

even though I had hurt him

even though he loved me and I wasn't quiiite ready to love him back

even though I was silly and lost

even though I was immature and confused and blind

he was there for me.

Every single day.

He always said someday I would see 

Well, he was right..

and sure didn't take long. 

=)

And that is why, nearly eighteen months of being apart, I haven't been able to come close to replacing him.

I don't know what's going to happen when he gets home, but I am sure excited to find out.

And I think that no matter what happens,

 he will always be that friend that is always there.

He's a keeper I think.

+

overdue.

Welp. I knew this was coming for a while now.

My blog is a place where I blog my little heart out.

Literally.

And today this is whats in my heart.

I miss Cody.

Say whaaa?

I dont know what it is this week, but its been a long time since I've missed him like this.

Perhaps due to the fact that I got a little lost in life. Perhaps because he is so focused, which is just so awesome. Perhaps because we communicate less and less. Perhaps because thats just what happens when two people go this long without seeing each other.

Whatever it is, it's all catching up to me.

My heart hurts today. 

I found myself snuggled in bed reading a letter I received from him just a few weeks after he had been away.

Confession. I teared up. haha

I don't tell him I miss him anymore, and he doesn't tell me either. We both figured it was better that way, and I think it is. I can tell him after he gets home. It makes it much easier.

Except this week. He told me he missed me this week. Thats probably whats making me this way.

Hearing that just makes everything seem so real.

Bittersweet.

Jus a few little stories that I have been reminded of this week.

Story number one. April fooools. Two years ago, Cody and I had been dating for about two and a half months by April Fools. We were "facebook official", you know, such a big deal. Hahah.

I vividly remember sitting in English class and receiving a text from a friend asking when Cody and I broke up. I was so confused. I got onto facebook.. naturally.. only to discover that he dumped me! On facebook. Little turd. 

Good thing it was just a joke. He thought he was so funny. 

I smiled about that all April Fools this year. =)

Story number two.

Once upon a time I was living and working in Waterton and Cody was at home in Magrath for the weekend. It was Sunday night and I was super bored and just curled up in front of the TV to watch a movie. We were texting and I was sad that we couldn't hang out that night because I had worked late and you know, it just didn't work out. All night I had been joking about him making a teleporting device so he could magically be in Waterton so I could see him. About ten minutes into my movie, Cody calls me and says, "Guess what! I finished my teleporting device. Look out your window!" noowww Cody thinks hes a little trickster so I didn't get too excited. Well, I tried not to. I laughed at him and told him not to trick me because it was mean to get me excited for nothing. All he said was.. "No really. Look outside." I ran out the door to the balcony of the apartment to find Cody standing with the phone up to his ear with a big smile on his face. Best surprise ever. 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is my best friend. I miss him today, and I am so excited for him to come home, even though its not for 10 more months. 

Okay. Now that I've shared a little piece of my soul, I will stop again because I don't like doing this very often. 

+

sometimes my head gets lost.

Sometimes I'm really dumb..

I have no idea where my head was today.

You see, today, I did this dumb thing.

At work, we have this van we drive around. At the end of the day, one of the girls I work with asked me if I would return the keys to the kiosk. I thought to myself, "I'm going to forget to put them away."

I took the keys from her and dropped them in my pocket and went into the kiosk.

I got home a while later and reached my hand in my pocket and there were the van keys. I panicked a little bit, sent my boss a text to tell him that I had them and then tried to figure out how to get them there the next morning by 7:30am. I don't work until 11am. (sidenote. I work in Waterton. It's 35 min away.) I then got a phone call from a girl at work. 

"Hey.. do you know where the keys are?"

I answered with a yes.. and let her know I had them. I apologized. She figured she could do without them the rest of her shift. Meanwhile, I was failing at finding a way for the keys to get back to Waterton. I decided I would just drive them back.

I pull up to the kiosk and hand Laurie the keys. She smiles and as she is taking the keys from my hand, she says, "the van keys.. wait.. do you know where the EP3 keys are?"

sidenote: EP3 keys are important. Storage room keys and what not.

I then realize that the phone call earlier was in fact not about the van keys but about the EP3 keys. I then think about where the EP3 could be. Who was the last one to open a storage room...

No idea.

Then I have a memory of Jenn tossing me the keys in the last few minutes of work. I realize I maybe had the keys.

Great.

So, I tell her it's possible I have them.

She laughs. Not a big deal... 

but kind of.

I come home and reach into the pocket of my work pants and there are the EP3 keys.

source.

Sometimes I wonder about my brain.. 

The end.

To Do List Ish Thing

First off. Uh. Cody has been gone four months today. Admit it everyone. 

Time is flying!

So. I'm getting reeeally excited to go to Texas. It's coming so soon! I'd fly there today if I could. 

Problem though.

 I have a few things in the way of me and my destination.

It goes something like this.

This blog post.

Me. 

Lab Report.

Work. 

Play with Steph, for like the last time ever?

Work

Book Flights

Work

Midterm

Work

Units D, E, and F

Work

Final Exam

Work

Another Final Exam

Work

12 Experiments and reports

Work

Get 20/20 vision

Work

Make ten thousand dollars

Work

Probably my Chem Final around this time

Work

Chiropractor Appt

Work

Dentist Appt

Work

Hair Appt

Work

Fit everything I want to take with me into a suitcase

Work

(insert .. Cody will hit six months around this point. WOAH.)

Finish working

Texas.

source

Okay, thats not even bad. 

Good thing I like my job..

Seriously though? 

73 days is going to go so fast. 

=)

summer secrets?

Waterton has welcomed me back with open arms. =)

I love it. I am so happy to be back.

However, it makes me miss Cody a tiny bit.

The swings at the Bayshore just aren't the same without a snuggle buddy to stargaze with and someone to listen to me chat for hours on end.

The docks aren't as cozy without my big purple comforter and my best friend by my side.

Getting off work isn't as exciting anymore because he isn't on his way to see me.

Everyone I lived with knew we hung out every single day after work.

Everyone around knew we were the best of friends and that we spent our summer together.

But no one knew we were in love.

I liked it that way. It was just for us to know about. 

The best secret in the world. 

It was just ours. And we wanted it that way.

source.

Well. Now the secret's out. 

Sorry Cody. =)

Perhaps I will spend the summer writing him letters from the docks and the swings? 

I think he'd approve..

Yeah, you make me merry make me very very happy

So, I'd like to apologize for my somewhat negative posts the past few days. I'll try and make up for it right now.

I am just going to list things that make me smile..

being able to wake up early without being tired (its a rare occurrence for me)

beautiful weddings with beautiful brides.. such as Jordan

drives to Waterton with Sydnee

curtains that keep my room dark during my naps

mail in any form, just as long as its not a bill

dedicated bloggers

the anticipation of summer

purposely setting my alarm early so I can hit snooze a million times

hearing birds chirp for the first time in the spring

missionary experiences

the thought of soon being able to wear flats without my feet freezing 

blue toenail polish

summer clothing

babies

that moment someone realizes they are in love with their best friend

not owing anyone money

catching up with high school friends for hours

bringing a friend to church

dressing up real nice

when Justin Bieber tweets

full moons

how Cody has changed sooo much in six weeks.. but is still his same quirky self at the same time

sun dresses

having a good hair day

being able to make people laugh

stealing Sydnee from school to go shopping 

wearing a new shirt for the first time

PDAs. Okay.. not when people are crazy... but when a couple is obviously in love and I happen to see them kiss a little bit, I seriously think it's just cute

young adult fiction

when my dad tells stories in great detail

puppies that fit inside purses

dark wash jeans

discussing politics with my parents (seriously its a good time)

fake engagement rings from Walmart

Cody's sense of humour

songs about summertime

the swing behind the Bayshore 

finding an song from a long time ago that you still remember every word to

the thought of a summer not spent at Subway

the smell of Chapters

hummer cologne

the giant piles of snow in Waterton

finding a perfect song for a perfect moment

remembering that one time I went to Vegas and Cali on a road trip with my favorite people in the world

finding money in my pocket unexpectedly

when Cody comes to visit me in my dreams

when people let me check my facebook on their super cool phones

when Rascal Flatts did a song with J Biebs

living in Canada

this article

the fact that people actually want to read my diploma essays

how it is extremely unusual for a week to go buy without having an in depth conversation with Spring

infecting people with Bieber Fever

when I have really weird dreams about horses and escalators

I started this post nine and a half hours before posting it. It took me a while to finish and I almost stopped many times altogether. I left and came back a few times. There really are lots of reasons to smile.. even if you just have to sit and think about what they are for a while..

x

06

My Day Day?

 Okay. What the heck does that even mean? I truly am stumped.. So I will just write a post about a few of my thoughts. 

Today I taught some three and four year olds how to point their toes and jump at the same time. I have a new appreciation for people who are naturally born coordinated... but also those who aren't.. because it is just so dang cute.

I got a letter in the mail a while back from an Elder Wadsworth serving in West Virginia. I have never met him.. but it was nice of him to write. Word is he got transferred, so I'm not sure how he expects me to write back...

I reeeeeeally don't like when people lie to me.. and okay. Sometimes things that are said aren't actual "lies".. but still deceitful. That makes me just as sad.

Who doesn't miss the way things used to be on the odd occasion? I do. If you don't, please tell me your secret. Thanks.

I went visiting teaching for my first time today. It went exactly how you'd expect visiting teaching to go.

Spring is living across the ocean from me but she still knows every daily occurrence in my life and hears about my astonishing discoveries from facebook. Even though I can't text her.. everything else is the same. Minus going to Firestone and Starbucks. =(

Have you seen Country Strong? No? Okay stop what you are doing and go see it. It's seriously so good. Hands down, best movie I've seen in a long time. It was the kind of movie that would be entertaining to watch me watch. Seriously. I wouldn't wipe the smile off my face the whole thing. It just put me in theeee best mood, ever!

Speaking of Country Strong... there is some great country  music from it. Even if you aren't a fan of country music.. you should take a look. My sister hated country music her whole life but.. she even bought the album. I highly recommend Give Into Me by Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester. I'm just obsessed with the whole album now. I will probably be talking more about this movie in the near future.

Today was that day of cleaning the drain in my shower. I seriously wonder if I lose more hair in the shower than others. I'm kind of concerned.

Sydnee slept in my bed last weekend. She brought ketchup chips and I like her for that.

Okay so last time I recommended a movie to someone.. the movie was All About Steve. Some of my best friends and I went, and we were just in the perfect mood to see it. Everyone who we recommended it to.. along with most of the world.. seems to think it was awful. Hahaha so maybe Country Strong won't be the best ever but... very quite possibly okay! I'm serious about this one.. and even other people seem to agree.

A lady gave the best talk in church on Sunday. It was about the importance of not being judgemental. Seriously.. It really got to me. It brought me to tears and I hope I can do better in that area. I also hope in return, less people will judge me.

Speaking of judgements. For anyone out there who has seen me or heard of me do anything you didn't like? I'd really appreciate it if you would stop judging me for that. We all have our flaws, yeah? We all make mistakes. I am who I am, and I've been who I have been. The point is, I am trying hard to be a better person and a more mature person, and I really would appreciate it if everyone would stop giving me such a hard time for things I've done in the past or ways I've acted. Word spreads so quickly these days you know. It is tough to hear people mocking things I have done such a long time ago. Things people don't truly know much about. =(

I miss Waterton.. and last summer.. and the summer before.. and the summer before.. and all the people associated with all of that.

I don't like swimming. I don't get the point. You just jump in the water.. then what? I prefer laying next to the ocean for 8 consecutive hours and not moving except from my back to my front.

I just wrote a whole bunch of things on this blog post earlier today and they didn't all save and I'm really mad because some were good but I forget what they were.

I bought a pair of $90.00 jeans and a pair of $6.00 tights in the same week. Guess which ones I have worn more? Yep. The tights. I think I might save some money and cut back on my jeans purchases.

A lot of people have been blog bashing Simply Jane. That's fine; everyone is entitled to their own opinions... but seriously. This is my blog.. so don't read it if you don't like what I have to say. Problem solved?

Sometimes things that happened forever ago have a way of resurfacing. It's surprising how much things I thought once were buried with the weeks and months and years haven't changed a bit. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

I miss being in school a little bit. I hope next fall comes quick.

Did I mention how sad it makes me when people lie? And then they get caught in it but they straight up just deny it?... I don't lie to you.. why do you lie to me?

It has been decided that I will be travelling to England in 2012 for the Olympics with Spring. This isn't just a hope and dream either.. I am fairly certain of this one.

It was a hard day today. I hope tomorrow is better.

source undisclosed.

i love her.

There is this darling girl in my life that has come and gone for the past three plus years. I mean, not gone in a sense that we fought, or weren't friends. More in the sense that we spent summers together. My three beautiful summers would not have been even CLOSE to what they were without this girl. Then the summers ended, but we just decided to stay close friends even when it wasn't summer, and I'm so happy, because she sure gets me through some hard times. =)

I love her with all of my heart.

photo taken at our apartment in Waterton in the summer of 2008

Remember when we cleaned the loft in search of the mysterious.... scent?

Remember turkey subs x four thousand probably?

Remember not doing anything on the closing list until nine?

Remember going for a bike ride and how I was so jealous of your cutest bike ever?

Remember the weepies?

Remember the video you posted on my facebook wall?.. "he's a boy Jane! His name is Sam, Jane!"

Remember Mr. Noodles eighteen times a day?

Remember popsicles and freezies?

Remember watching movies every single day?

Remember how everyone would go hang out and we could sit on my bed and listen to music?

Remember when we worked like a million shifts in a row together?

Remember distracting the customers so we could add water to their coffee?

Remember when you spelled things in sandwiches?

Remember our incredible pizza bun creation?

Remember cheese and bacon?

Remember when we went to the Stampede and it was the best worst day ever?

Remember our matching boooty shorts with Bailey?

Remember writing notes on the whiteboard to each other when we fought?

Remember filling the fridge together?

Remember when we didn't go hang out with that Alberta Vball team at Heninger's but instead bought popsicles and hung out on the highway by Leavitt?

Remember when you covered your face when you ate because you had braces and it made me giggle?

Remember how I taught you that subs were best with no veggies? hahaha

Remember the fort with the delivery boxes?

Remember Large Gloves?

Remember how we shared bunk beds for two summers?

Remember when I straightened your hair with tweezers?

Remember when cruised for four hours on Halloween?

Remember when we were in Welling and no one believed us?

Remember garden salsa chips?

Remember Vitamin Water. Figi Apple Pear being our favorite?

Remember when we'd have sleepovers on the living room?

Remember when we almost killed Sparky in the middle of the night because she needed to go out?

Wemembo Pwaying chicken wif dat powice man?

Remember how I think you are the funniest?

Remember how we bought matching sweats socks underwear and slippers because our clothes got all wet in Calgary?

Remember way back in the day when we drove to Magrath and discussed that we didn't like it there so much, but then when we drove home we decided it was a good place?

Remember the Haunted Hutterite House right after watching that scary movie at Tyson's?

Remember when you had that horrible adventure and you told me all about it in the back of the laundromat?

Remember our rootbeer guzzling competition?

Remember mac and cheese at midnight?

Remember pizza in the middle of the night with Kate?

Remember when we fell in love with Lenka and Ingrid and Meiko and every other person on my "Chill" playlist?

Remember how we've had matching phones twice?

Remember sitting in bed and talking all hours of the night?

Remember waking up at any hour of the night if there was something bugging us?

Remember watching Pretty Little Liars?

Remember the freaking avatars in My Sister's Keeper?

Remember watching Juno like a million times?

Remember when Gary came?...

Remember how we were scared of each other before we knew each other?

Remember when you busted the sidebar off of the bunkbed for Bianca and I was so impressed?

Remember how much I loved the ringtone on your phone the first summer because it reminded me of Disneyland?

Remember how you were one of like, four people who knew about my first blog?

Remember how you bossed me around, and I just let you because .. well I don't know why.

Remember when I squirted your bum with the water bottle while you were on till?

Remember how you just sometimes wouldn't go to sleep at night when you had to work at seven?

Remember how when we worked mornings together we often didn't make it?

Remember doing entire prep lists at four in the morning?

Remember taking shifts on shift.. and napping upstairs?

Remember between summers how we would just give each other that look in the hallways, but never actually talk?

Remember how you call me Janice?

Remember watching youtube videos on that one computer and then freaking out because we thought we broke it?

Remember when you saw that cougar? With four legs and a bushy tail?

Remember how you randomly text me with excellent questions or information that I love you for telling me?

Remember the song about the American cheese? Well, just about not living in America.

Remember you holding the pans and me making the bread?

Remember when we'd sit on the counter and our legs would swing each others? hahaha

Remember how I stepped on your mirror?

Remember how I broke everything of yours?

Remember how you are in denial with me?

Remember facing some of the same battles at our own time, but still silently together?

Remember how we both just sometimes like sitting there and being sad together, because we both just get it?

Okay. Remember how I feel like I could keep writing this list for another hundred years!

Remember how I fweaking wuv you!

jus sayin.

Oh dear. I just started realizing just how soon I am actually leaving this place.. I am going to miss everything and everyone, and I am sure I will be posting more about this whole moving away situation; however, this is about why I am going to miss one particular friend.

I don't think I could ever list all of the reasons why I am going to miss you. I'll just touch on a few of the little reasons...

because we made a bucket list

because you are scared of heights

because your shoes have to match your shirt

because I have your orange hollister shirt, your blue hollister shirt, and your black superhero shirt and have no intentions of returning them, and you are okay with that

because you taught me how to smile again

because of your parks uniform

because you gave me a perfect summer

because you helped me learn how to forgive

because even though I hurt you, you were always there for me

because I now honk at people who ride their bikes on the highway

because of the innumerable occasions where I was so overwhelmed and upset that I could no longer hold back tears, and you just let me cry

because you steal away the rain, just like that

because you would drive an hour any time of day just to hang out for such a short amount of time

because as cliche as it is.. you walked in when the rest of my world walked out.. honestly

because you know all of my secrets

because you have been the best friend I ever could have asked for

because of your integrity

because you can read my mind

because of your testimony

because you are going to make the best missionary ever

because you do crazy things like bungee jump off bridges and hit the bottom and sprain your wrist..

because you almost drown me in a lake full of seaweed and fish

because you made a teleport device 

because you are so selfless

because you make the right decisions when it really counts

because I think you secretly like Charlie

because you can swallow your pride when you need to

because I've heard your real laugh

because you forgive me when I do something wrong, which is a daily occurrence

because you don't care what people think, even though I tell you that you care too much. You have certainly proved me wrong on that one

because you let me pick the movie, every time

because you have put up with everything..

I'm sorry I couldn't have been better for you, and I'm sorry I'm not perfect. Thank you for being such a good example to me in all things. Thank you for reminding me to read my scriptures and say my prayers. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve the best. I hope you know I'll never forget you.

I'll miss you more than you even know, but I'm glad I was lucky enough to be called your best friend for as long as I was. I wouldn't trade our friendship for the world. :)

However hard it is to say goodbye, it was worth it.

You don't know.

I saw this picture and sentence quite a while ago, and immediately decided I would probably need it someday. Sometimes I browse through my pictures and stop when I come to this one. I have debated using it many times, but I can't ever quite settle with this one. Today, it is perfect.

"Things are not always as they seem" - Phaedrus

"Never judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes." - English proverb

You know how it goes; we hear these quotes all the time. Do we understand them? Do we live by them? Truth is.. we honestly can't judge anyone. We can't judge a situation. Sure, maybe we think we understand. Even if we see someone do something crazy, and even if we think we know why they did it.. we don't. We can't think we do, because hiding deep inside of each name is a story. Maybe it is something that happened a week ago. Maybe a month ago, or even a year ago. Maybe it is a thousand things that have happened over the course of a year.  Maybe we've heard what happened. So and so said this, or so and so saw this. Maybe we even saw something obvious, but misunderstood.

You know what? No one has lived my life, except for me. No one has experienced the little things, the little pains and the little heartbreaks that I have suffered. No one completely understands the little things that make me happy, or the little things that make me cry. No one understands how many times I have cried myself to sleep because of pure devastation, or cried tears of joy because of the witnessing of a complete miracle. No one knows the cutting comments that have torn open my heart, and no one knows the simple promises of forever that I have received. No one knows how hard I have tried to stay strong, and to be tough. Maybe I haven't even tried either. No one knows except me. No one knows the tiny incidents. No one has read my saved texts, or listened to my saved voicemails. No one knows if I even have saved texts or voicemails for that matter. No one knows the promises I've made, or the promises I have broken. No one has experienced love just like I have, and no one has experienced heartbreak just like I have. Everyone lives life differently, has their own perspective, and everyone experiences things differently. Sure, we are all people and we all experience similar emotions, but every individual is different, and everyone has secrets, and everyone has trials. Perhaps you think I do things for certain reasons. Perhaps you think I am dramatic because of jealousy, or crying because of immaturity. Perhaps you think that the sweet little girl whom I know nothing about has got under my skin. You know what? She hasn't. She is lovely, and I hope she knows that. Perhaps you think I do things to get a response, or so people will talk. You have this all wrong, so please don't assume anymore. The reason I do things go far beyond anyone's understanding. Unless you are me, you don't know. I am not perfect, but I am simply Jane and you don't know my story.. 

and I am okay with that.

tribute.

This summer I have been lucky enough to live with six of the greatest girls you will ever meet. I honestly love them all to death, and I'm so happy I have had the chance to get to know these girls before I leave.

Baby Brooks
I love your crazy photography skills. Seriously? You have such a talent. I love how you are so laid back and are cool with just chilling.. with whoever, wherever, and doing whatever. I love that you are only fifteen, but I always forget. I love how you look so cute all the time, and whether or not you believe it, you really don't need to wear make up because you are absolutely beautiful. I love your high pitched little squeal. I love how tight you are with your family. I'm so happy I had the chance to get to know you this summer!

Shikaaakaa
I've known you for how many years? Maybe five? But never ever ever ever have I actually been around you. You are seriously hilarious. I love how blunt you are, and I love how you aren't scared to stand up for yourself and that you aren't even close to being a pushover. I find you truly inspiring.. hahaha. I love your crazy hair that no longer stays straight..ever. I love your sweet black girl music. It suits you.  :) I love how you sniffle all the time and how your allergies are so terrible that mine seem to be not so bad.. I love how long you sleep for, and how you have to do something super fun every night.. no matter what!

Krem
Ya, like Krem 2 news from Spokane. I love that you are my bfffff. Really. And that we get to live together every summer. I love how you are so beautiful, no matter what. I've kinda written about you before on my blog, but thats okay. I love how you really do clean up after yourself real good. You will have one lucky room mate! I love how you are so adventurous and that you sometimes inspire me to not be anti-social and get off my bed and go hang out with people. I love that you are such a hard worker, and whenever I see that I'm scheduled to work with you I get a little bit extra excited.. because sometimes we just need some time together to catch up on life..

Syd
I've also written about you before, but thats okay. I love that you can actually miss a night's sleep and work an eight hour shift the next day and be totally fine. I love that we can look up crazy youtube movies and watch them over and over and still laugh about them. I love that you love turkey subs as much as I do, and that you agree that sometimes it's okay to just sit in bed and listen to music. I love that you listen to music really loud while you shower. I love that you let me use your speakers so I can listen to music really loud while I shower too. I love that you make the best mac and cheese in the whole world.

Meesh
I love that you can draw so great. I love that you insist that everyone can draw, and that it's not hard. You are so humble. Honestly? It's hard. You are truly talented. I love that you are Canadian and American at the same time. I love that you always wake up so early to get ready for church. I love your cute dresses and shoes and that the quantity of your wardrobe here far surpasses the rest of ours. Probably most of ours combined. I love that you are so willing to let everyone borrow your clothes too... and your milk. Thank you for always having milk in the fridge.. :)

Bai
You are such a sweetheart. I love that you get so excited about everything in everyones life. I love which team you are on :). I love that you have so much faith. I love seeing you study your scriptures and I love how you read them to me when you find a good verse about missionaries, or another other verse you think I might like. I love how you can tell when I'm sad, and how you will just crawl into bed with me and let me cry. I love how you genuinely care so much about other people that when they are sad, so are you. That's a gift you know. I love that you took my advice about your school schedule next year. It will be so worth it.... ;)

These are my best friends today. Yes, I have a lot of best friends, but these are the girls I live with, eat beside, work with, and share everything with. These are the girls that I will remember from this summer for the rest of my life. These are the girls I will miss terribly when I move away. This summer has been lovely, hasn't it? :)

July

Suddenly July is ending. It has been here before, and it sneaks away.. every single time. It hid from me for so long, and then before I even saw it coming, it crept right back under my nose once again with its incredible heat and shattering thunderstorms.. and it is just about to leave. July is beautiful. July has meant so many things before. I believe July is the time when I started a new sort of list. July Favorites.. thanks to Spring.  I found my list today from last July. It contained so many things. Things that brought smiles to my face, immediately followed by a prickling of pain deep inside of me.

There was 
the day I dedicated to memorizing every single word to Paper Planes by M.I.A.
the time Kaylee drew me a picture
the dream about the Cardston Parade
the soaping of a heart
the popsicle date
the terrible movie
the boys who played polo
the man who ordered thirty footlong tuna subs during lunch rush
the night at the Prince with Kaylee and Tycee
the one night I went running
the fireworks. and not being able to yell the colors out because I was laughing too hard.
the underwater camera
the stories
the obsession with double chocolate chip cookies
the swing
the lack of a perfect evening
the discovery of a perfect evening
the night Kaylee read from her quote box for hours
the epic failure of learning how to drive a standard
the haiku
the diet coke
the greyhound bus 
the phone calls
the carefree atmosphere
the ability to stray from worrying
the road trip to Echo
the weak knees
the spinning
the shift from you know where
the earthquake dreams, nonstop
the lightning


There are so many more. So many more favorites from this memorable month of magic. For some it was full of firsts. For some it was about peaches and rain.  For some it was about work, and others about play. Some fell in love, and some hearts were shattered into tiny pieces.  Some lost themselves I'm sure. I was lucky enough to be among the people who discovered themselves for the first time, ever.

It was July. It happened. It was real.. and it was simply beautiful. 

I spent the majority of the year longing. Not only for last July, but all the July's of my past. I neglected to realize that July is July, no matter what the situation is and no matter who you spend it with. 

"In the depths of winter, I finally learned there was, in me, an invincible summer.." - Papertissue

I think it is only right that I make a list of new July favorites. This July has been so incredibly different than last July. It hasn't failed to create bulletproof memories. New memories.. not to replace, but to add to the others.

There was...

the night on the docks

the purple comforter

the fireworks

the shut down

the epic cleaning rage

the boys from the Philippines

the missionary letter

the times I got better at driving a standard.. sort of..

the day I was informed of my achieved goal

the letter

the picture Kate drew for the bulletin board

the week I spent with Katy

the reply to the letter

the perfect day at the Stampede

the mission call

the rain storms

the water fight

the day I watched Eclipse

the first time Sydnee and I didn't wake up in the morning for our shift

the second time Sydnee and I didn't wake up in the morning for our shift

the day I finally watched Annapolis

the night I washed away my problems, for good

the day I met my room mate, Sarah

the day I let go

the stargazing

the time I hid all the dishes in the kitchen because I was tired of washing them

the day I made that terrible discovery

the day Bailey rubbed my back while I cried

the soccer nets

the San Fran hoodie
the day I realized I was jealous, and understood why.

July? I know you always come back, but please slow down.. I don't know what I will do when you are gone again..

The Canadian Beach.

Today. I spent hours on a beach. I can't express how much I truly love the beach. I've been to many of them, and I've found that no matter where I am, I love it. Today I am in Powell River, British Columbia. The beach is a little bit different than Daytona Beach or Clearwater Beach in Florida. It is a little bit different than the beach behind my resort in Puerta Vallarta. This was a beach in CANADA. Yes, Canada still has beaches. You know what else? It even has star fish and sand dollars . It was sandy, and the water was warm. Who wouldda thought? I even got a sun tan. I love Canada.

Canada Day was a few days back, and I didn't even mention it. How patriotic is that? I'm slightly embarrassed. I am Canadian! I love Canada and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else... Yes. I am moving to Provo in a few weeks here, but Canada is home and this is where I want to end up. I love that we had a snow storm just over a month ago. I love that school gets cancelled when we have four feet of snow (not 1 centimeter :) ) I love that we use the metric system and I love that our money is colorful. I love that we understand that we, too, have nickels and dimes and quarters, just like the United States. Working in Waterton exposes me to many people from other countries and I am always surprised to find how ignorant some are about Canada. I love that we don't just study Canada at school, but we study Japan, and China, and Brazil, and the USA.. point made. I love that our school curriculum is so hard that people say maybe I don't need to worry for my first year of sciences in the states because it will be generally review. I love that we are known for saying "eh" even though I have never used that word in every day speech. I love that when we tell other people that as soon as you hit the Canadian border you will be greeted by a dog sled that will carry you through a blizzard to your igloo.. in July, and they will believe it. I love that people are surprised when we tell them that we actually have hot weather in the summer. I love that we have provinces, and I love that we have two official languages. Where would I be without ketchup chips? And what about our chocolate? It truly does taste better here. And of course.. where would I be without my lulus...?

Thank you Canada, for giving me everything! 

There's this girl I know.

If this little brilliant phrase reminded me of her, you must know she is something special. I miss her. I guess you could say we have a summer romance. Minus the romantic part. Sometimes I follow her around like a little puppy dog. She kinda bosses me around, and I let her. We both know its not because I'm a push over. It's really because I only have a few months a year with this girl. We live in the same town and go to the same school, but there is something about the months of May through September (not anymore :( ) that are dedicated to just the two of us I guess. Sometimes she gets sick when she sits in the sun too long. I appreciate her sitting with me for as long as she can. Sometimes she forgets to do her dishes, but I don't mind as much as when everyone else forgets. I just do them for her if I notice. That's just because she's special. Sometimes we like to sit on her bed, the bed that used to be mine, and look out the window listening to my "chill" playlist. Because we are chill maybe? I tell this girl so many things you know. Even things I swear I am not going to tell. She has good taste in music. Good, meaning she likes the same music as I do. We go through these phases where we both fall in love with one song, and we play it over so many times that everyone else wants to kill it. Everyone else mostly meaning Kate. (I love that girl too. I love all my room mates, but today this is just about this one girl.) Sometimes when we pretend we are fighting, it turns into a silent treatment. This make me sad even though they are sometimes funny. Everyone will think we are mad, but we will look at each other and she will wink. And I will smile right back. We used to eat Mr. Noodles together on a daily basis. Then it changed to pizza subs, and now it is Aquafina Vitamin Plus. We're kind of getting healthy I guess you could say. She kind of becomes my other half a little bit. About a week ago we worked every single shift together for what, 5 days straight? Our time off was spent together as well as we ventured to Cardston or Magrath or even just the docks.  It's been a week since I've seen my favorite Sizzle D, and I miss her.

I'm coming home soon. :)

five girls.

"A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand."

- Kahlil Gibran

In the little town of Cardston, five girls exist.. Each girl is incredibly different, and somehow these girls ended up together. They called themselves the tifuls. BeauTifuls that is.

There is Jane. That's me. I sometimes think I am not so much a good influence on my best friends. Sometimes I am not nice enough, and sometimes I am not there for them when they need it. Sometimes I disappear off the face of the planet when I am preoccupied with a boy, or a project, or even myself. I am sorry. I love you all and truly I don't know where I would be without the four of you there helping me and embracing life with me the past few years. The thought of all of us going our separate ways this fall makes me want to cry. I will miss you all so much.

There is Kate. I just love you. I am so happy we live together again. Even though we don't spend every second together here, I love that we don't. I love that you are here, and I know that, and I am here and I hope you know that. You are the best room mate. I am so happy we are both going to BYU and are going to stay friends. I love that you sleep right on top of me every single night. I love that I can tell you anything, and I  know it will truly stay between the two of us. I love that we can smile through all the chaos of life in Waterton and love it here no matter what. I love that we both didn't go to math for all of January. Thank you for being so trusting, and so brave, and so wise. 

There is Michelle. You are such a doll. You are the best friend anyone could ask for. I love how you are willing to help out with ANYTHING.. including cleaning bedrooms, any sort of project, and studying for tests. You are always there when I need to cry, and seriously understand anything and everything I go through. You always say the right things, and are the best little spoon. Speaking of spoons, I know a certain jar I am ready to update. I am so happy you could graduate with me and I'm sorry if I ever doubted you. July 22. I hope you are ready. That is the official day you know. hahaha

Karlee. Karlee-fry. Do you remember studying for Bio together? We learned so much.. hahah I loved watching Gossip Girls with you during exam week and the start of the second semester. Thank you for always being such a good example and keeping all the rest of us in line.. until you started being the crazy adventurous one and now are always looking for something fun to do. :) Thank you for joining me on all my Lethbridge excursions last winter and for always wanting to hang out. Thank you for being such a great Laurels President. You are fabulous you know. Your testimony is incredible, and you are seriously the biggest sweetheart ever. Thank you for being the first of us to have a missionary out, and being so strong and showing us what to do. I am so happy we will be living a couple buildings away from each other so maybe you can occasionally make sure I am alive and still passing school. :)

Steph. Oh dear. You may or may not be my best friend.. :) I love you. I love that we are always so different, and always have been, and always will be. I love that whenever I would cry around you you would say, "I'm sorry Jane. I don't know what to say...I am the worst at giving advice.." but I knew that was your way of telling me you were there for me.. well maybe. If not, I thought you were. I love how honest you are. Really, sometimes it is painfully honest, but I do appreciate it. I love how you are always so secretive. Always texting.. usually smiling about it.. but never really tell anyone whats going on. You are so quiet about your life, and remind me that the whole world doesn't need to know everything about my life. Thanks for complementing me so much and for driving 23 hours on a greyhound bus so we could go meet Daniel and Sam. By the way, you are coming with me in my suitcase and we are going to visit them. Jus sayin.

Let's be best friends forever, okay?