Jordi says our apartment smells like estrogen.

First of all.. an apology for all of these:

Have I mentioned I'm technically challenged? 

I write my NDHBE in five days.

National Dental Hygiene Board Examination.

That is pretty much the biggest test I have ever written, or will ever write.

Yes, this trumps my English 30-1 diploma... by a lot.

Pretty much I'm a tiny bit stressed about it.

So are my roomies. We all handle stress so differently. It's kind of humorous.

 Let's just say our emotions are all running pretty high these days. It will be so nice to get this test over with so we can all be functional human beings again. 

Hmmm while I'm thinking about it... just a brief apology to anyone who has had to deal with me and my unpredictable emotions over the past couple weeks. I promise I'm not always like this.

My sleeping habits are terrible. Terrible.

And they have been for about two weeks now.

I'm so surprised I'm not deathly ill by now. 

But life is so good. The weather has been warming up a tiny bit. Texas is lovely. I have the sweetest roommates. And my best friend is back from the dead. Oh and by dead I just mean Puerto Rico.

And it's like he never even left. Except now he speaks Spanish. It's pretty cool.

I haven't seen him in real life yet because I live in Texas and he lives at home. But that's fine, for now.

Have I ever mentioned how proud I am of him?

I am. 

He's changed like a million percent, but at the same time.. not at all. 

I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by getting emotional so I'll stop now. =)

I also really need a hair cut. I don't think I have ever neglected my hair so much in my whole life. 

Amber if you ever read this.. please don't judge my split ends. I'll take care of it someday.. promise.

Life is not perfect. 

I don't think life ever really is entirely perfect. 

But it certainly is wonderful, and I'm not sure I have ever been happier. 

And I have a feeling it's just going to get better.

x

spring cleaning.

Well, summer has left me. It came and went quickly. Some days were perfect. Some days I regret. There are words I wish I would have said and words I wish I wouldn't have. There are things I wish I wouldn't have done, and other things I wish I would have...

 Regardless,

it's time to let summer 2012 rest in peace. 

With that, I think it's time to take a bit of a break. 

With some wise wise words from my lovely friend Karlee, I've decided to simplify things in life. Sure, my life wasn't overly complicated before...

 but I am still taking some me time.

Karlee Rae told me to focus on me. 

Focus on making my life what I want it to be and also focus on becoming who I want to become.

 I really love her for telling me that. 

I feel like I've tried doing that before and sometimes I feel like I figure it out. 

Apparently not.

Truth is, I still just don't really know who I am. I change my mind about things every day. 

I'm scared of commitment and decision making.

I'm scared of honesty.

I'm more scared of dishonesty.

I'm scared of the future and unfortunately, I'm still scared of my past.

And mostly, I'm scared to death of getting hurt.

So, I'm just going to take a little break from planning and dwelling and wondering and pondering and just kind of let myself breathe a little bit and have a little faith that things willlll in fact happen the way they are supposed to. My heart hurts a little bit, but it will be okay someday. =)

source.

every summer has a story.

Okay so I guess its more like every summer SHOULD have a story. But you see, last summer didn't really have much of a storyline for me. It involved working and going to bed early and waking up early. It wasn't terrible and of course, life threw me a curve ball or two in attempts to mix things up for me... but I didn't really do anything about it. I don't think I exactly took advantage of the summer sun and the freedom and the experiences I could have had.. and I'm kind of regretting it.

I think I had a bit of a wake up call. I arrived home, not expecting all too much of my three weeks, with a few plans here or there. Nothing set in stone, but sometimes crap just happens and makes you realize that in fact you gotta make life count.

So, in effort to make up for my terribly dull summer of 2011, combined with the fact that I was in school until five days ago, I have exactly three weeks to make up for lost summertime.  Now I have three weeks of no job, no commitments, and no expectations, I am quite determined to make the story of summer 2012 one worth smiling about and maybe even writing about if I find the time. I already have a few things checked off my bucket list, and I certainly have a few more things I need to do before I am headed back to Texas. I suppose this is my vow to make every second count this summer. I have to say I'm looking forward to having no regrets, not over-thinking things, and just living a little bit, because I'm tired of being a student zombie. I'm ready for a few more spontaneous late night adventures, a few more days on the lake, perhaps a little camping and hopefully not too much sleeping. I'm excited to just stop worrying about doing what everyone else expects me to do this summer and not caring about what everyone else thinks. It's gonna be good.

x

Adios Amigos. Actually.

I want to go homeeeee. I haven't been home since Christmas. I know I shouldn't complain because lots of people go much longer than seven months without being home, but oh well. I'm complaining anyway.

I miss Waterton. I miss my cute little uniform that I got to wear all last summer. Oh and by cute I mean ugly. But wonderful nonetheless. I miss the mountains. I miss the smell of crisp air in the morning. I miss the deer. I miss the freezing cold lake. I miss Big Scoop. I miss Scrubway. I miss Pat and Ralph, and Anders. I miss the campground Kiosks. I miss being greeted at the gate by Bart, or Ethan. I miss the cute little movie theater. I miss the golf cart, and the club car. I miss Crandell and seeing 9283749238 bears on the drive there. I miss spraying down the bathrooms and squeegie-ing the camp kitchens. How the heck to you spell squeegie? I miss angry campers. Okay mostly I miss telling everyone about the crazy campers. I miss everything. I had the best job last summer. Ever. Confession: I have a dream about once a week that I am all geared up in my green pants and polo, cruising the campground on the golf cart like a champ. Seriously miss it.

I miss Cardston, all lit up at night. I miss driving and seeing the temple glowing. I miss my giant bed and how it feels like a cloud. I miss the unpredictable weather. I miss being able to be outside and not have to worry about all my makeup dripping off my face from humidity. I miss rootbeer slurpees from Reddi Mart. I miss BBQing with my dad in the backyard. I miss tanning with my mom on the deck. I miss my besties. I miss having sleepovers and watching movies all day. I miss not having to study for tests. I miss not having to wake up early. I miss the colorful Canadian currency. I miss saying garbage instead of trash, and bayg and flayg instead of bAAG and flAAAg without being laughed at.

I miss Canada. I want to go home. Texas is lovely and I am loving my time here, but it simply is just not home. Okay now that I have that all out, I should go pack because I am going home in two days! =)

x

Because I miss Cody. Accept it.

Don't say you haven't been warned.

Memory lane.

Well its 2 am and my heart hurts because I am missing Cody tonight. I have been doing that a lot lately. I think maybe it's because he is actually coming home soon(ish) and I am starting to get excited/nervous. 

Did you know he will be home in 204 days?

Okay so I guess I don't know for sure when he will be home yet.. but 204 more or less.

To most, I'm sure, that seems ridiculous.. 

but when you compare it to 731, it's really not very many days.

 In fact, that number seems quite small. =)

Maybe that is what has been picking at my mind. 

A return date would be nice. I like knowing things.

Anyway.  What I'm here for..

Story time.

So a little over two years ago, I was really sad. Looking back, I realize it was silly to be so sad but, my eighteen year old heart was quite broken it seemed.

Cody and I weren't dating at the time, but he was still very important to me and always remained a good friend through the ups and downs, even when I didn't deserve it.

We were in Waterton, and he knew I was sad so he was just keeping me company because he's a good friend like that. We decided to go for a walk. I was kind of cold so I took the big down-filled comforter off of my bed and wrapped myself up inside. We walked to the docks overlooking the lake and then decided to just lay down and talk.

He didn't have to ask why I was sad because he already knew, and even though it hurt him that I was sad, he just let me be sad and he let me talk about it. He offered advice, but he also just listened. I remember him scratching my back and then I remember him holding my hand. Not in a romantic sort of way, but in a "I'm your friend and I'm not leaving you because I know you need someone" sort of way. Sometimes thats all you need.

I shared my blanket with him and we just stayed there side by side.

I think I cried for a while. It's definitely possible.

Cody listened to every single reason why I was sad, even though it broke his heart to hear. We just stayed there on the docks, looking at the stars, and talking for hours and hours. 

That was the night I knew that Cody was for real. 

He wasn't going anywhere.

He showed me what unconditional love was.

Even though I didn't deserve a friend like him

even though I had hurt him

even though he loved me and I wasn't quiiite ready to love him back

even though I was silly and lost

even though I was immature and confused and blind

he was there for me.

Every single day.

He always said someday I would see 

Well, he was right..

and sure didn't take long. 

=)

And that is why, nearly eighteen months of being apart, I haven't been able to come close to replacing him.

I don't know what's going to happen when he gets home, but I am sure excited to find out.

And I think that no matter what happens,

 he will always be that friend that is always there.

He's a keeper I think.

+

I'm going to the beach today.

I don't think I will be getting in the water though. 

You see, we will be fishing for sharks.

Yes, sharks.

Luring them to the shore.

Gah.

I will stay on the shore thankyouverymuch.

Wish me luck; it's supposed to be a hundred degrees.

Plus humidity.

I might die. From a shark... or heat. Either way.

I might die.

If I do, it was nice knowing y'all

even though I don't really know y'all.

Whatever.

Happy Saturday!

+

Not too shabby..

What makes today good.

1. Finding out I actually passed two tests I thought I failed. Two tests I was sure I failed. I'm so glad I didn't study any longer than necessary.

2. Canada day cupcakes. I wish I had a picture to post. Let's just say beavers and hockey sticks were involved. 

3. No school tomorrow. NO SCHOOL TOMORROW. Yay. I might have to suntan since how I have not spent any time outside since May.

4. I have clean laundry. Hallelujah. This is a feat for me. Not having a washer and drier has proven to be quite a frustration. Ohhh the life of a poor college student. 

5. I got a letter from Cody. And even though I have received 80+ letters from him now, I STILL get just as excited to see an envelope addressed to me sitting in the mailbox.

Every.single.time.

+

goood.

Sometimes when I am in a grumpy mood I decide the most appropriate blog post is one that is ridiculously positive. It's true. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I figure its time to write about a bunch of super wonderful things in life right now. Maybe by the end I will forget that I was grumpy today.

My parents are coming to see me in less than two weeks.

I'm gonna pass clinic this semester.

I went to the Hunger Games and loved it!

I get to move into a new apartment in like three weeks. This means I get to live with Sarah Jo now too. (Becky shall be missed:( )

I went deep sea fishing this weekend and caught a big red snapper. And then ate it.

I have a tan.

I bought a 6 dollar neon pink bikini at Walmart and I'm so freaking happy about it.

I get Lasagna for dinner tonight.

I love my instructors.

I love my roomies.

I love watching Lost with all the Canadians.

I made new friends on the weekend.

Katelyn Remington is coming to visit me at the end of April for almost three weeks. AHH.

Justin Bieber released a song that he wrote for me. Such a kind soul.

I'm no longer lost and confused in life. Ha! =)

I have the best friends in the whole world.

Draw something is killing the battery on my ipod but I don't even care because its so fun.

I bought a new shirt.

I have the best older brother who sends the best fb messages to keep me up to date in life. I love him.

Sher and Chad invited me to Florida again. Even though I can't go, the fact that they invited me again makes me really happy. They're the best.

I realized I have enough money to finish school. It's a relief to say the least.

Jennica is graduating from BYU next month. I am just so proud of her. I wish I could go visit her and Brian but since I can't I will just have to see them an extra time in the summer.  =)

I love everything.

Okay this is working. I am officially a happy camper. 

source.

good thing Cody left me his blue sweater so now I can sing this song.

Favorite.

So I know it's Christmas Eve and I should probably post about Christmas, but I want to post the most perfect song that I discovered via Facebook just barely. Because it's perfect today... and because I didn't do a song on Monday.. also because I want to show everyone how amazing it is.

I haven't heard your voice in a while, I miss the sound
I wanna see your face but you're in another place, oh, another town
Why did you have to leave on a trip that would take you away from me?
You're a thousand miles away but I know you hear this melody

I'll play the sweet sound of your voice inside my head
Like a record
And I'll smell the wonderful scent, oh, you captured within
Your blue sweater
I wish everytime you came into my mind I could
Write you a letter
Words can't contain what I feel so for now, I'll just wait 'til
We're together
I'll hold on to your blue sweater, yeah

In my mind, I bring you back here
For as long as I allow
Oh, hurry, I'm starting to worry
I'll forget you now, but I don't know how
So I'll count down the days 'til I see you again
Who knew that it would feel like 200 years 'til then?

So I'll play the sweet sound of your voice inside my head
Like a record
And I'll smell the wonderful scent, oh, you captured within
Your blue sweater
I wish everytime you came into my mind I could
Write you a letter
Words can't contain what I feel so for now, I'll just wait 'til
We're together
I'll hold on to your blue sweater

It's the one that I've forgiven
If you have been to be listening
Take this chance with me 'cause we're living, yeah

I'll play the sweet sound of your voice inside my head
Like a record
And I'll smell the wonderful scent, oh, you captured within
Your blue sweater
I wish everytime you came into my mind I could
Write you a letter
Words can't contain what I feel so for now, I'll just wait 'til
We're together
I'll hold on to your blue sweater

I'll play the sweet sound of your voice inside my head
Like a record, like a record.

Like a record. Like a record.

It's just so perfect isn't it.. =)

post wisdom.

Well. I'm officially 4x less wise. It wasn't as terrible as I expected. I have heard so many horror stories about puffing up like a chipmunk or passing out or being all out of it after, ya know? Nope. I mean. The whole thing is kind of creepy more than anything. Listening to them cauterize your flesh... remove some bone... slice your tooth.. hear the Sharpeys Fibres breaking.. and knowing that your deformed third molar is sliding right out of the alveolar bone?

Creepy. 

I know I was out of it because of the laughing gas, but the entire time I just wanted to watch. Lucky work experience kid who got to watch the whole event. I came home and watched some videos on youtube. I suppose it will have to suffice.

I guess hygiene school will do that to ya. Getting all curious. Feeling all smart.

Anyway.

Yeah. It's creepier than anything. I thought the worst part was getting a second set of X-rays that set off my gag reflexes.. severely.. I won't go into details. Now that I am home and the delight of nitrous oxide has worn off, I do feel slightly crappy.  Not swollen though.. okay maybe a bit haha but not too bad.

I was also lucky enough to have my bestie Karlee take care of me. She picked me up and took me to get my drugs and got me ice packs and layed in bed alllll day and watched movies and made sure I took my T3s at the right time. What a saint.

Truth is, I'm kind of bored. It's hard not to be able to talk as much as I want. My brain feels fine and I'm not tired or anything. Mostly I just wanna go play... until I sneeze. Then I want to chop my head off.

Overall, it was a good day.

I like life ya know? I am feeling good. Positive. 

Which is good because for a while there things were a little clouded.

I guess they say a feeling of doubt and insecurity means something isn't right.

Well. Things are right again I think. Because I feel calm for the first time in quite a few days.

Sometimes I forget how simple life is if you let it be.

Excuse my ramblings.

Here's a little visual of post wisdom teeth extraction.

I couldn't smile any more.

christmas gifts.

Today while I was waiting for church to start, I found my mind wandering. It has been doing that a lot. What am I saying. It always does that. Anyway, I started getting all caught up in my self pity and confusion and troubles in life, but then I glanced down to the church bulletin resting on my lap. This little gift was printed right in front of me. It made me smile, and I want to share.

Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
~Oren Arnold

Then I started thinking about new things. My fussing and pity seemed to sink to the back of my mind as I thought about these letters placed together on the page sending such a lovely message.
It's Christmas.

+

So.

To my enemy. Forgiveness.
 I can't exactly think of one particular person. But I do know that there are people that I have struggled to get along with in the past. People who have hurt me or done something that I don't agree with. I'm afraid I have a few grudges that I believe really should just disappear. I am going to do my best to find forgiveness. I know its possible if I stop dwelling on things that have happened in the past.

To my opponent. Tolerance.
To be honest, I don't have any particular opponents right now. Opposition? Yes. There is opposition in all things. So, dear opposition. Come as you may. I will tolerate you, because you exist. I will continue to exhibit a good attitude and do my best not to let the opposition to get the best of me.

To my friend. My heart.
My dear friends. Here is my heart. My heart is honest. My heart is full. It is forgiving. It is healing and growing. Here friend, my heart is yours. Take it. :)

To a customer.  Service.
I am not in any situation where I will be helping customers as I am currently unemployed, but I certainly do not mind giving service. There are opportunities to serve everywhere, inside and outside of the home. I don't mind helping, but I sometimes find myself serving unwillingly. I am going to make a constant effort to serve with a happy heart. It helps. Serving is always rewarding.

And to everyone. Charity.
What is charity? We are often asked this question. Charity is the pure love of Christ. It is loving someone as Christ would. This is a challenge, because I am far from perfect, but keeping the constant remembrance of the Savior and how he would treat others.

To every child. A good example.
Oh my, I have been developing such a deep love for children the past little while. Being in the primary has brought me such joy. They have so much joy and always help me to feel the spirit. I remember when I was little and looking up to the older kids who were in high school or going to college and thinking they were so old. I remember watching them and wishing I was them. I feel so young now, but I believe its the same. The children still watch. Setting a good example for children is more valuable than often realized. I wouldn't be who I am today without the example set by my older siblings and some of my friends older siblings.

To myself. Respect.
I am deserving of respect. I deserve to be treated as a Daughter of God. I don't deserve to be looked down upon or mocked. Unfortunately, life isn't that simple. I will not always be treated with respect. But I can respect myself enough to remember that I am a Daughter of God, and remember not to let the opinions of others affect the self image I have of myself.

just be happy.

I haven't been a very avid blogger lately.

I have been busy living life.

It's been grand.

I like this lovely little thought quite a lot.

source.

Don't mind if I do. 

MistletoeMusicMonday

A Day for the Music Monday Blogging Books.

I think this is most appropriate for today. It being Music Monday and Mistletoe Monday all in one day? What a celebration.

Mistletoe - Justin Bieber

Released Monday October 17, 2011

 Go buy it!

This post doesn't even need a title.

Sometimes 

I forget to be happy all the time.

Then I open up the mailbox

 and see a letter 

addressed to me.

(Even better when its travelled all the way from Puerto Rico..)

And just like that, I simply cannot stop smiling the rest of the day.

Or week.

source

lovin me some technology.

Have I have mentioned that despite all my error messages and struggles when it comes to my computer...

I am a huge fan of modern technology.

Perhaps the #1 fan today?

Because of the connections of facebook, I met a lovely girl from Puerto Rico named Doelis...

This girl happens to see my bestfriend every single week at church.

Today? She took pictures for me.

Isn't he so stinkin cute?

Do ya hear me? I'm talking to you.

So I have this friend, 

and even though this friend is 5550 km away, 

he can sense when I'm upset. And you know what? I love that.

How lucky am I?

I can wake up not even realizing that something is not right with me..

but he can tell.

And he can always make it go away.. without even knowing he did.

source.

sidenote: Cody Clay is my best friend, ever. . 

Hello August.

I have never welcomed August with such open arms. August is fabulous for so many reasons.

August means finishing summer school

August means six months

August means finishing work

August means moving

August means no more evenings in July without you to spend them with

August means Texas

August means that Gossip Girl returns next month

I like August.

source.

sidenote: I liked July too. It brought lots of twists and turns and bumps, but it was still lovely. Just like it usually is.