Jordi says our apartment smells like estrogen.

First of all.. an apology for all of these:

Have I mentioned I'm technically challenged? 

I write my NDHBE in five days.

National Dental Hygiene Board Examination.

That is pretty much the biggest test I have ever written, or will ever write.

Yes, this trumps my English 30-1 diploma... by a lot.

Pretty much I'm a tiny bit stressed about it.

So are my roomies. We all handle stress so differently. It's kind of humorous.

 Let's just say our emotions are all running pretty high these days. It will be so nice to get this test over with so we can all be functional human beings again. 

Hmmm while I'm thinking about it... just a brief apology to anyone who has had to deal with me and my unpredictable emotions over the past couple weeks. I promise I'm not always like this.

My sleeping habits are terrible. Terrible.

And they have been for about two weeks now.

I'm so surprised I'm not deathly ill by now. 

But life is so good. The weather has been warming up a tiny bit. Texas is lovely. I have the sweetest roommates. And my best friend is back from the dead. Oh and by dead I just mean Puerto Rico.

And it's like he never even left. Except now he speaks Spanish. It's pretty cool.

I haven't seen him in real life yet because I live in Texas and he lives at home. But that's fine, for now.

Have I ever mentioned how proud I am of him?

I am. 

He's changed like a million percent, but at the same time.. not at all. 

I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by getting emotional so I'll stop now. =)

I also really need a hair cut. I don't think I have ever neglected my hair so much in my whole life. 

Amber if you ever read this.. please don't judge my split ends. I'll take care of it someday.. promise.

Life is not perfect. 

I don't think life ever really is entirely perfect. 

But it certainly is wonderful, and I'm not sure I have ever been happier. 

And I have a feeling it's just going to get better.

x

THREE.

Okay. So I'm sure a lot of people know this but my friend Cody is going to arrive home to his family in 

THREE DAYS. 

Sunday.Monday.Tuesday. 

Bam. 

Just like that. 

He will have been gone for exactly 749 days.

That is a lot of days.

Everyone keeps saying..

"Already? That went so fast!"

Ha.

Okay it kind of went really fast I guess. Kind of slow sometimes though? 

Nope. I think it feels exactly like two years.

Cody and I wrote lots of letters for a long time. He's still my best friend I think.

But it has certainly been a while hasn't it?...

We have both changed a million percent, which is what was expected.

But I know I'm still me. And I'm pretty sure he is still him.

Also.. I live in Texas for a couple more months.. and he will live in Canada.

So I might not even see him until like April or May.

But thats besides the point. 

He is going to be reunited with his family, and that is what is most important.

I am so excited for them to get their brother/son/grandson/cousin/nephew back!

And the craziest thing is I could just like, text him if I wanted to.

Call him.

Skype. What?!

Boom. 

He will be so accessible that it kind of freaks me out.

Anyway.

Can I just say I have never been more proud of him? 

Dearest Cody.. happy last three days in Puerto Rico! 

back again.

I'm still alive.
My blog fast is over.
My facebook fast has begun.
That is all for now.
Oh.. and I really like this.

Sometimes I just have to say whats on my mind. Sorry if you don't like it.

I miss my best friend.

It's been lovely to have time to grow and learn about myself and become independent.

It's been lovely to be able to simply be me, and to work on becoming the person I want to become.

It's been lovely to be able to be in school without the distraction of a boyfriend that I want to be with all the time.. (I'm quite terrible at prioritizing when it comes to that sort of thing..)

It's been lovely to have someone to miss so much

someone to write letters to and someone who writes me back just as much, sometimes more

It's been lovely to live in this middle place where the future is so unknown

where nothing is really for sure

but I'm ready to stop this now.

I'm ready for these last few months to be finished.

I'm ready for a big hug. 

I'm ready to sing at the top of my lungs all of the songs I used to sing

I'm ready to really smile again and mean it

I'm ready for movie nights and airsoft wars.

I'm ready to have someone say goodnight to me and someone to listen to my ranting

I'm ready for someone to laugh with me when I'm being ridiculous

for someone to make me laugh when I'm sad

I'm ready for Sunday naps and late night conversations

I'm ready for my heart to stop hurting

and I'm ready to never have to say goodbye, ever again.

one hundred and six more days. 

source.

"I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!"

Yesterday my two lovely room mates Sarah and Bailey packed up the car and drove 27 hours to Utah. 27 hours. That's just one way.
I almost went with them. Almost. They've been planning this trip for a couple weeks and they have been trying to convince me.
They came quite close, here and there.
I'm a fan of road trips and such. I love spontaneous things.
And let me tell you, this was tempting.
You see, my sister and her husband live in Utah, two of my best friends live in Utah, my mom and brother are going to visit this weekend there, and my other best friend is going to Utah too. Everyone is going to Utah.
We saints sure know how to gather.
Except for me I guess.
I simply just didn't want to go.
Maybe it was the fact that I didn't want to drive for 27 hours.. x2
Or maybe it was because I still haven't quite recovered from my trek from Canada to Texas last January...
Or maybe I just want to hide in Texas a little bit longer..
Or maybe I just simply felt like having the weekend to myself.
Whatever the reason is, I find myself alone in my apartment and let me tell you, I am happy as a clam.
I could definitely live alone. I love my room mates. Let me make sure that's clear. They are the best. But I'm just throwing this out there.. I'm kind of a loner sometimes and I kind of like it that way.
I haven't said any words for hours now and I just really like that.
Is it weird that my thoughts keep me plenty company?
No, I don't hear voices. But I sure do think a lot.
So far, I have read a book, suntanned at the pool, watched ten episodes of Gilmore Girls, painted my toenails and my fingernails, took two naps, and ate pizza, twice.
I'm not even going crazy being alone. Not even a little bit.
I still have Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and half of Tuesday until they come back.
So much time.
Tomorrow I'm having a candlelit bubble bath and going shopping I think.
I might make a cake but just eat the batter and not bake it. I'm not sure. That may be pushing it.
Who am I kidding. That sounds awesome right now.
Well, that's all right now. Hope everyone else's weekends are as positively wonderful as mine.

source

Oh, and now that everyone knows I'm home alone for four more days, I'm double locking the door so don't even bother trying to break in. Also, Sarah and Bailey both left their mace behind. 

half over.

Being home has been quite a treat.  

Southern Alberta has treated me well.

Quite well.

I have to say the fact that I'm going back to Texas in twelve days makes me panic a little bit. 

I've already been here for twelve, and it's gone so fast.

 I feel like I'm not quite finished with my time here. 

Hopefully the next twelve days will go perfectly. 

The last twelve have certainly had ups and downs, but despite the downs..

  the ups and the realizations I've made and the chances I've decided to take

 have made everything so worth it..  =)

I keep learning a little bit more about myself every day.

 I like that.

I'm making a list now.

1. My bed is my favorite belonging. Is that bad?
2. I love the weather here. I love that it cools down at night.
3. I like wearing jeans better than wearing shorts.
4. Having a washer and drier is so convenient. Also having a fully equipped kitchen is so convenient.
5. Sometimes you just have to be spontaneous and try to win fifty bucks by running through the mud bog, because sometimes you win.
6. People don't change all that much. I'm still the same me I was when I was 12 and when I was 17. Sure, there are differences, but deep down, I have the same heart. It's just a little tougher and experienced.
7. I love my friends with all my heart.
8. I want to go back to school after I graduate from Dental Hygiene.
9. I want to be an English teacher... Surprise surprise.
10. Being straight up is the only way to be. Nothing to lose, right?
11. Random people you hardly know like to take it upon themselves to make your business their business. So not cool.
12. Life is all about adjustments.
13. Boys like to be the hero, and girls just want a hero. How convenient.
14. Summer is the best time of year.. and summer stories are always the best. =)
15. Time can pass.. from days to weeks to months to years, but some things in life just never, ever change, no matter how much you think you want them to. Some things just are the way they are.
16. Some people ya just can't trust. It's sad really.
17. Sometimes you just have to choose to find your own way for some places in life instead of following the map you created for yourself so long ago.
18. I don't care about what other people think nearly as much as I used to. It feels like heaven.
19. I'm me. I'm Jane. I tell myself not to put my heart on the line, but I always do. Can't help it.
20. Some risks will always be worth taking, no matter how many times you've taken them before.

~We Bought A Zoo

every summer has a story.

Okay so I guess its more like every summer SHOULD have a story. But you see, last summer didn't really have much of a storyline for me. It involved working and going to bed early and waking up early. It wasn't terrible and of course, life threw me a curve ball or two in attempts to mix things up for me... but I didn't really do anything about it. I don't think I exactly took advantage of the summer sun and the freedom and the experiences I could have had.. and I'm kind of regretting it.

I think I had a bit of a wake up call. I arrived home, not expecting all too much of my three weeks, with a few plans here or there. Nothing set in stone, but sometimes crap just happens and makes you realize that in fact you gotta make life count.

So, in effort to make up for my terribly dull summer of 2011, combined with the fact that I was in school until five days ago, I have exactly three weeks to make up for lost summertime.  Now I have three weeks of no job, no commitments, and no expectations, I am quite determined to make the story of summer 2012 one worth smiling about and maybe even writing about if I find the time. I already have a few things checked off my bucket list, and I certainly have a few more things I need to do before I am headed back to Texas. I suppose this is my vow to make every second count this summer. I have to say I'm looking forward to having no regrets, not over-thinking things, and just living a little bit, because I'm tired of being a student zombie. I'm ready for a few more spontaneous late night adventures, a few more days on the lake, perhaps a little camping and hopefully not too much sleeping. I'm excited to just stop worrying about doing what everyone else expects me to do this summer and not caring about what everyone else thinks. It's gonna be good.

x

Adios Amigos. Actually.

I want to go homeeeee. I haven't been home since Christmas. I know I shouldn't complain because lots of people go much longer than seven months without being home, but oh well. I'm complaining anyway.

I miss Waterton. I miss my cute little uniform that I got to wear all last summer. Oh and by cute I mean ugly. But wonderful nonetheless. I miss the mountains. I miss the smell of crisp air in the morning. I miss the deer. I miss the freezing cold lake. I miss Big Scoop. I miss Scrubway. I miss Pat and Ralph, and Anders. I miss the campground Kiosks. I miss being greeted at the gate by Bart, or Ethan. I miss the cute little movie theater. I miss the golf cart, and the club car. I miss Crandell and seeing 9283749238 bears on the drive there. I miss spraying down the bathrooms and squeegie-ing the camp kitchens. How the heck to you spell squeegie? I miss angry campers. Okay mostly I miss telling everyone about the crazy campers. I miss everything. I had the best job last summer. Ever. Confession: I have a dream about once a week that I am all geared up in my green pants and polo, cruising the campground on the golf cart like a champ. Seriously miss it.

I miss Cardston, all lit up at night. I miss driving and seeing the temple glowing. I miss my giant bed and how it feels like a cloud. I miss the unpredictable weather. I miss being able to be outside and not have to worry about all my makeup dripping off my face from humidity. I miss rootbeer slurpees from Reddi Mart. I miss BBQing with my dad in the backyard. I miss tanning with my mom on the deck. I miss my besties. I miss having sleepovers and watching movies all day. I miss not having to study for tests. I miss not having to wake up early. I miss the colorful Canadian currency. I miss saying garbage instead of trash, and bayg and flayg instead of bAAG and flAAAg without being laughed at.

I miss Canada. I want to go home. Texas is lovely and I am loving my time here, but it simply is just not home. Okay now that I have that all out, I should go pack because I am going home in two days! =)

x

I really can't think of a title because this is really short.

Someone please grant me patience to survive these next seven months.

+

Because I miss Cody. Accept it.

Don't say you haven't been warned.

Memory lane.

Well its 2 am and my heart hurts because I am missing Cody tonight. I have been doing that a lot lately. I think maybe it's because he is actually coming home soon(ish) and I am starting to get excited/nervous. 

Did you know he will be home in 204 days?

Okay so I guess I don't know for sure when he will be home yet.. but 204 more or less.

To most, I'm sure, that seems ridiculous.. 

but when you compare it to 731, it's really not very many days.

 In fact, that number seems quite small. =)

Maybe that is what has been picking at my mind. 

A return date would be nice. I like knowing things.

Anyway.  What I'm here for..

Story time.

So a little over two years ago, I was really sad. Looking back, I realize it was silly to be so sad but, my eighteen year old heart was quite broken it seemed.

Cody and I weren't dating at the time, but he was still very important to me and always remained a good friend through the ups and downs, even when I didn't deserve it.

We were in Waterton, and he knew I was sad so he was just keeping me company because he's a good friend like that. We decided to go for a walk. I was kind of cold so I took the big down-filled comforter off of my bed and wrapped myself up inside. We walked to the docks overlooking the lake and then decided to just lay down and talk.

He didn't have to ask why I was sad because he already knew, and even though it hurt him that I was sad, he just let me be sad and he let me talk about it. He offered advice, but he also just listened. I remember him scratching my back and then I remember him holding my hand. Not in a romantic sort of way, but in a "I'm your friend and I'm not leaving you because I know you need someone" sort of way. Sometimes thats all you need.

I shared my blanket with him and we just stayed there side by side.

I think I cried for a while. It's definitely possible.

Cody listened to every single reason why I was sad, even though it broke his heart to hear. We just stayed there on the docks, looking at the stars, and talking for hours and hours. 

That was the night I knew that Cody was for real. 

He wasn't going anywhere.

He showed me what unconditional love was.

Even though I didn't deserve a friend like him

even though I had hurt him

even though he loved me and I wasn't quiiite ready to love him back

even though I was silly and lost

even though I was immature and confused and blind

he was there for me.

Every single day.

He always said someday I would see 

Well, he was right..

and sure didn't take long. 

=)

And that is why, nearly eighteen months of being apart, I haven't been able to come close to replacing him.

I don't know what's going to happen when he gets home, but I am sure excited to find out.

And I think that no matter what happens,

 he will always be that friend that is always there.

He's a keeper I think.

+

It's okay to like things that other people don't.

Something that makes me crazy is when people aren't themselves. I have posted about this so many times before. I go through phases I guess, and I should probably stop letting this bother me because it's never going to go away. It just makes me so sad to see people who don't know who they are .. and then they end up just latching onto the personality or life or ideas of someone else.
I can't even imagine how much that would suck. Seriously.

Everyone is different. It's better that way.

Sure, trends happen. Fads happen. Styles come in and out and some things are just popular.

It happens. And there's nothing wrong with that.

But for goodness sakes, that still leaves room to be a little unique.

I just wish everyone would:

say whats on their mind

dress how they want to dress

do what they want to do

love the things they want to love

It's okay to like things that other people don't.

It's okay to not like things that other people do.

Really. Thats what keeps things interesting.

Too many people are concerned with conformity.

Doing whatever it takes to fit in.

To not be noticed.

Or worse,

Seeing what makes others stand out and then using that same thing to make yourself stand out?

That doesn't count.

I know maybe it's hard, but it's not impossible.

Find what makes you different from everyone else. That's what makes you you.

Find that thing and embrace it.

Wear the ugly shoes.

Listen to that strange song.

Realize you don't actually like the new Katy Perry song, and don't be afraid to admit it.

Eat that odd food.

Wear that unknown perfume.

Listen to that old song.

And stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

Okay thanks. =)

pick a side

The other day I decided to take a trip down memory lane and read some of my old blog posts. Well, I ended up reading like 100 from over a year ago. I realized how my blog posts used to be a million times more interesting, and I realized that's because I used to be better at sharing the thoughts deeper inside my heart. I guess it's safe to say that I've changed a lot the last two years. Just a little realization. I will try to be better at blogging whats really on my mind. Wish me luck.

So, lately I've been thinking a lot about the terms selflessness and selfishness. These paradoxical terms go hand in hand when determining the nature of a person. I realize, it is impossible to be both. It's the same thing as knowing that "No man can serve two masters "(Matt 6:24). These contradictory terms are the foundation for interaction with other people. Lately I have been surrounded by people who, to me, appear either very selfish, or very selfless. I can't help but want to be surrounded by those people who are only selfless. People who get caught up over the tiniest details and spend their life making sure everything is completely fair in all directions, I find to be very selfish.

Newsflash. Life just isn't fair, and it is impossible to make sure that everything is equal 100% of the time. Selfishness doesn't always mean wanting the most or wanting the best, it sometimes just means not being willing to give a little bit extra, or not realizing how being so self-centered can hurt others, or spending so much time worrying about how you can be successful that you forget to notice the things you are doing to reach that success are hurting others. Selflessness, on the other hand, only ever results in blessings. The person who is willing to give the last few dollars to pay for something, or the person who is willing to make a sacrifice to make sure someone else is able to succeed means a lot. The person who is willing to give advice over and over and listen to others over and over without ever being asked if they need anything. Small acts of daily sacrifice and kindness can make a world of difference. Being surrounded by both of these characteristics has made me question myself: which master am I serving?

When put into that context, it appears quite clear which master I want to be serving. Selflessness comes from God, and selfishness comes from the devil. There really isn't any other way to say it. When it's put that way, I choose God. Every.single.time.

I do find myself getting caught up on little things that don't matter often, and I want to stop. I want to be the person who is willing to make that sacrifice for other people.  I'm far from perfect, but learning a little bit about these two words and experiencing the effects of them has really been eye opening. Being selfless doesn't mean you have to donate your life savings to a charity. It doesn't mean to let others walk all over you. It simply means being open minded enough to see that the tiniest details really don't matter. Being willing to help someone out if they need it, and being aware enough to realize it before they have to ask.  It means buying the bracelet from the little kiddos in Mexico even though you already have five. They are only a dollar anyway. It means taking care of yourself and your things so no one else has to do it for you. It means giving spare change to the beggars on the street, because you know what? No one really knows for sure that they are going to be spending that money on drugs an alcohol. It means thinking about yourself less so you can realize how your actions are impacting other people. It means buying the cookies from the girl scout trying to raise money. It means not spending so much time thinking about how you can make your own life better, and maybe thinking about how you can make the life of someone else just a little bit easier. Now, I'm sure it's easier said than done, but theres no harm in making a good effort. I'm starting today.

+

Okay, I'm done now.

birthday void.

I'm afraid that I can't let the day pass away without writing a little something about the meaning of today.

Today is April 16th. 

To some that might mean one thing or another, but to me, this means that my best friend is now 21. 

It means he could gamble in Las Vegas if he wanted to

It means he is no longer the same age as me

It means that he is the age he will be when he comes home

It means he has had two birthdays in Puerto Rico

All wonderful things.

However.

It means this is the last time Cody has a birthday that he doesn't receive birthday kisses. 

HALLELUJAH. 

I'm sure he is fine today with his lack of birthday kisses.

In fact, I'm sure it didn't even cross his mind.

Thats fine. 

It sure as heck crossed mine.

and you know what? Next year, I'm pretty sure it will cross his mind too, 

and thats good enough for me.

source.

overdue.

Welp. I knew this was coming for a while now.

My blog is a place where I blog my little heart out.

Literally.

And today this is whats in my heart.

I miss Cody.

Say whaaa?

I dont know what it is this week, but its been a long time since I've missed him like this.

Perhaps due to the fact that I got a little lost in life. Perhaps because he is so focused, which is just so awesome. Perhaps because we communicate less and less. Perhaps because thats just what happens when two people go this long without seeing each other.

Whatever it is, it's all catching up to me.

My heart hurts today. 

I found myself snuggled in bed reading a letter I received from him just a few weeks after he had been away.

Confession. I teared up. haha

I don't tell him I miss him anymore, and he doesn't tell me either. We both figured it was better that way, and I think it is. I can tell him after he gets home. It makes it much easier.

Except this week. He told me he missed me this week. Thats probably whats making me this way.

Hearing that just makes everything seem so real.

Bittersweet.

Jus a few little stories that I have been reminded of this week.

Story number one. April fooools. Two years ago, Cody and I had been dating for about two and a half months by April Fools. We were "facebook official", you know, such a big deal. Hahah.

I vividly remember sitting in English class and receiving a text from a friend asking when Cody and I broke up. I was so confused. I got onto facebook.. naturally.. only to discover that he dumped me! On facebook. Little turd. 

Good thing it was just a joke. He thought he was so funny. 

I smiled about that all April Fools this year. =)

Story number two.

Once upon a time I was living and working in Waterton and Cody was at home in Magrath for the weekend. It was Sunday night and I was super bored and just curled up in front of the TV to watch a movie. We were texting and I was sad that we couldn't hang out that night because I had worked late and you know, it just didn't work out. All night I had been joking about him making a teleporting device so he could magically be in Waterton so I could see him. About ten minutes into my movie, Cody calls me and says, "Guess what! I finished my teleporting device. Look out your window!" noowww Cody thinks hes a little trickster so I didn't get too excited. Well, I tried not to. I laughed at him and told him not to trick me because it was mean to get me excited for nothing. All he said was.. "No really. Look outside." I ran out the door to the balcony of the apartment to find Cody standing with the phone up to his ear with a big smile on his face. Best surprise ever. 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is my best friend. I miss him today, and I am so excited for him to come home, even though its not for 10 more months. 

Okay. Now that I've shared a little piece of my soul, I will stop again because I don't like doing this very often. 

+

goood.

Sometimes when I am in a grumpy mood I decide the most appropriate blog post is one that is ridiculously positive. It's true. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I figure its time to write about a bunch of super wonderful things in life right now. Maybe by the end I will forget that I was grumpy today.

My parents are coming to see me in less than two weeks.

I'm gonna pass clinic this semester.

I went to the Hunger Games and loved it!

I get to move into a new apartment in like three weeks. This means I get to live with Sarah Jo now too. (Becky shall be missed:( )

I went deep sea fishing this weekend and caught a big red snapper. And then ate it.

I have a tan.

I bought a 6 dollar neon pink bikini at Walmart and I'm so freaking happy about it.

I get Lasagna for dinner tonight.

I love my instructors.

I love my roomies.

I love watching Lost with all the Canadians.

I made new friends on the weekend.

Katelyn Remington is coming to visit me at the end of April for almost three weeks. AHH.

Justin Bieber released a song that he wrote for me. Such a kind soul.

I'm no longer lost and confused in life. Ha! =)

I have the best friends in the whole world.

Draw something is killing the battery on my ipod but I don't even care because its so fun.

I bought a new shirt.

I have the best older brother who sends the best fb messages to keep me up to date in life. I love him.

Sher and Chad invited me to Florida again. Even though I can't go, the fact that they invited me again makes me really happy. They're the best.

I realized I have enough money to finish school. It's a relief to say the least.

Jennica is graduating from BYU next month. I am just so proud of her. I wish I could go visit her and Brian but since I can't I will just have to see them an extra time in the summer.  =)

I love everything.

Okay this is working. I am officially a happy camper. 

source.

so i ramble lots.

I feel like I'm usually pretty okay with putting my thoughts into words. 

But every once in a while, I get stuck.

I have so many things to say and so many thoughts

but I just have no idea where to start with putting them in order. 

I feel like this has happened more lately than ever.

I'm not really a fan of it. 

Anyway.

 I found this little gem. 

Thoughts someone else put together that seemed to fit just perfectly.

After reading this and realizing how terribly true it was, I read it again.

Then I decided it's sad how much time can be spent on one little thing

and it can seem like a difference hasn't been made.

Kinda seems like a waste. I got all depressed thinking about it.

"it will never seem like it was enough"

How sad. I think its frustrating to invest so much time into someone, to try so hard, only to have them throw it back in your face, whether it be a friend, a family member, a coworker, or someone else. 

So I looked a little harder and thought a bit more. 

Ya see. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

So I got to thinking.

Maybe the whole purpose wasn't to have someone realize how much you cared or how much you tried,

Maybe it was a lesson you were supposed to learn about yourself.

Your determination. Your character. Your weaknesses and your strengths.

Yeah, I'm gonna go with that.

Somehow, looking at it that way, makes it all seem worth it again.

say what you will

I kinda feel like
there is just so much I could say to you
more and more as time passes..
but as time keeps passing more and more
something is stopping me
and I wish it wasn't.

source.

puppy please?

Awwww crap. I'm blogging again. I am starting to see a pattern.

Today was a bad day. Starting with sleeping through my morning work out.. to Sarah pounding on my window....

and waking up from a terrible wonderful dream..

You know when you wake up late and you are all panicked? Its stressful. I feel like its a minor heart attack. 

So like... I was panicked from waking up late, scared from Sarah breaking in my window, confused about my dream and super grumpy because I wasn't ready for the dream to end annnnd tired because I only slept three hours.

Waking up from good dreams is the worst.

Then clinic sucked. No, I sucked.

I started having all these doubts. 

Do I really wanna spend my life cleaning teeth?

Do I really wanna wear scrubs to work every day?

Do I really wanna be in a dentist office every day?

What about travelling. I love to travel. 

How about I be a gypsy? This thought keeps returning.

I could totally just run away with someone and travel the world forever.

Never come back?

But then I'd miss my family I guess.

What about kids. I love kids.

I want to be a teacher.

Or maybe not.

I wanna write a book.

I wanna move away.

I don't wanna be here.

But I do love it here.

What about Carly Rae Jepsen? I wanna be famous like her and hang out with the Biebs.

I wanna have blonde hair for one day... but not ruin my own hair in the process.

I miss my long hair but I hated it.

Bad days make me question everything.

I know life is about well.

figuring out what you want.

Realizing if its right, and readjusting.. trying again.

And I have a feeling my life is going to require a lot more adjustments before I figure it out.

Well, today I don't know.

I'll finish school. Duh.

But seriously.

All I know is I'm lonely and I want a puppy to snuggle.

So cute.

And if I could have a repeat of my dream last night I wouldn't be mad.

In fact, that would be quite lovely.

Blah.

the early bird gets the nicest butt.

I solemnly swear to blog more often. I'm surprised I haven't lost any followers. Special shout out to Carson for his text this morning reminding me of this blog.

Jane! I went onto your blog for the first time expecting to see some new blog posts. But nope! #slacker

I don't know what my deal is. I feel weird blogging. I think I've changed a lot lately.

Maybe I got tired of people knowing everything.

Whatever it is, I kind of miss blogging. So my blog may be different as of now and my posts might be a lot different than they were in the past..
but I think I am back. Hopefully.

I started this crazy thing where I work out at 5:00 am three mornings a week.

Take a moment to digest that people.

I don't do stuff like this.
Back in the day when I took dance.. we had an early morning stretch class. Once a week. At .. 6:30? Does anyone remember?
Anyway. Every Wednesday I had an inward battle. Debated not going. Debated running away. Debated quitting dance. Debated crashing my car.. dying.. breaking my legs.. ANYTHING. It was the hardest thing ever for some reason.
I do believe it has prepared me for this time in my life though.
I did discover in the summer that I can be, in fact, a morning person.. but 5:00am is pushing it. 

Not to mention that early to get up and sweat your face off and feel like dying is really pushing it.
Anyway.

I attend a fitness class at La Sierra with Nora Estrada.

Yeah. Thats her. 

She's a babe... and she makes me wanna be a babe.
It all started when I did this crazy thing called a 10km run a week after being here. Heres pictures to prove it.

Befoooree

Afterrrr =)

Anyway. I met all these La Sierra ladies because Sarah went and worked out with them last semester and they were there and she was there and well. You know how it goes. I saw this lady Nora. Found out how old she was and died when I realized her butt was nicer than mine.
The day I turned twenty, my butt started sliding down lower and lower to my thighs.
It scared me a little bit.
I'm just being honest. So I vowed it was time to make a change.
I decided to meet Nora.
Its been three weeks and I'm still alive.

Anyway, I love her. I hate her though. But mostly I love her.

Thats news. 

ramble ramble update.

I've been slacking. I think its time for a quick rambling update on life, just for the record.

Christmas was perfect. I love my family so much. I kept having to hide in the bathroom the day my oldest sister was leaving because I kept almost crying. I don't cry. I won't even talk about the day Jenn and Brian left. I'm going to cry just thinking about it. Whats wrong with me? Who is this emotional person I have become? It's freaking me out.

Speaking of Christmas and such. Did I mention how perfect it was? In every aspect? Okay, just making sure..

I turned twenty. Steph, one of my best friends, bought me a ticket to see Beauty and the Beast on broadway. I'm lucky, I know. My two other besties Karlee and Katelyn came for the trip and we made a stop in Banff National Park and then all headed to Calgary and spent the night. After the show I got back to a birthday pizza and a decorated hotel room. How adorable right?

I have become this ridiculous bawl baby. I don't even know what happened. I didn't cry hardly all fall being thousands of miles away from my family in a strange land with strange people and strange food. Okay, just kidding its not that strange. But for serious, I break into tears over anything slightly emotional. It's humiliating. 

So, ... it's 2012. Weird. 

People start talking about how Cody's gonna be home in like a year. That also freaks me out a little bit. Time is flying people. Flying. 

I'm kinda excited to go back to Texas. I miss it a tiny bit. My apartment, although rather musty and cockroach infested, it is quaint and homey. I miss my room mates. I miss Sarah Jo. 

So even though this is so contradictory to my last statement.. I am already feeling homesick and I haven't even left. I didn't feel homesick the entire fall but now every time I think about leaving I tear up. Bawl baby. I tell ya.

Did I mention I cut my hair? Well. I didn't. Amber did and I'm so happy about it. Yep. Chopped it right off. Here is a before/after.

Jus call me a poser or something..

Best thing I ever did. Thank you Amber =)

I realized I am a socially awkward person in large social settings. Serious. Put me in a huge crowd and I kinda freak out and want to be invisible and look like an ugly duckling following around my mother when I find one person I know. Put me in a room with five people I know really well and I'm great. Comfortable. I laugh and stuff and tell jokes sometimes. Ask anyone of those five people. Just don't ask the 200 people at the ginormous party. Like I said. Duckling. A lost duckling.

I'm incredibly poor suddenly. I was always poor. I'm a student. It happens. But for some reason things just keep popping up unexpectedly. $90... $200.. $60.. $300.. these numbers just keep appearing and its really ruining my hopes and dreams of ever buying any new clothing again.

Happy New Years bloggers. New Years Resolutions.. hmm. Let's just say I'm gonna try to get into better shape and maybe cut back on my online shopping? I think that's possible. Nothing too serious. No numbers no dates set. 

Ok. I'm bored. Peace out.