1.31.2011

it was a good day.

It was a perfect day. Not one of those days where everything fell into place, or one of those days that something unusually epic happened. Everything was just right. It was peaceful. It was happy, and it was beautiful. It was serene and relaxing, and it was simply wonderful.
.
I have never been more proud of any of my friends as I was today watching Cody Clay speak. He is going to be the best missionary.. and yes, of course I am going to miss him... he is my best friend. He is my rock and my vault. He knows all my secrets, and I think he knows me better than anyone. I will miss him, yes, but I can't wait for him to leave.. because there is nowhere else in the world he needs to be. =) 

On the other hand, life is a never ending puzzle these days. Things that make me completely joyful have the ability to fill me with sadness. Things that hurt me, seem to somehow make me happy. Things that I used to find important have slowly dropped to the bottom of my priority list, and things that used to linger on the back burner of my brain have scooted their way to the front and center of my thoughts. Every day I become increasingly scared of life to carry forward, but at the same time, the days can't go fast enough.  Things I was once sure I wanted have become the very things I want least in life. I seem to just get one thing figured out, but it doesn't matter because another mystery appears.. a mystery bigger and scarier and more complicated and harder to solve. I suppose that keeps things exciting; however, as puzzling as life is, I have found that from day to day, some things just fit, no matter what.



1.29.2011

unsettled.

Sometimes I think I have a talent at interpreting situations. I don't know what it is.. but I can read negative vibes as well as I can read a book. Sometimes it's a good thing.. being able to be prepared for disappointment, but mostly, it ends up making me feel awful. Not only does the actual blow of disappointment occur, but the suspense leading up to the disappointment is just as bad. It's not that I am trying to be pessimistic. To be honest, through the whole suspenseful time of not knowing, there is always an inkling of hope deep inside of me that I am wrong, and that it's s all just in my head.. The thing is, I've always been right about this kinda stuff. Maybe that inkling of hope is what makes the disappointment that much worse. The past few days, I have been feeling some SERIOUS deja vu. This has happened to me before. I sure hope this is the time I am wrong..

1.28.2011

fridayjanuarytwentyeighth.

That's all for today ladies and gentlemen.

1.27.2011

hm.

Well said?

1.26.2011

just wondering.

Well, it's 2:37 am. 
Should I be sleeping? 
Yes.
Can I sleep? 
No.
Why not? 
Because.

1.25.2011

it's official.

"Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love."
Unknown

source undisclosed.



a lot of thoughts.

It was a good day. Things are a lot better than last week.

I have had some interesting thoughts today. They are all over the map of course, but I would like to write them down because I will feel better if I do.

I have a lot of best friends. I am happy about that. My best friend Cody is leaving in fifteen days, and I will miss him maybe more than I have missed anyone.

Waking up at 9:00 am makes the day sooo much longer, and you seriously can get so much done.. Seriously. I got all my errands done there before noon. I then spent the afternoon catching up on some lost time, listening to the radio really loud, cleaning some floors, doing some dishes, and I just thoroughly enjoyed myself. This was all before work at 4:30.

Cleaning is way more fun when you do it with your friends. Seriously though. You can follow each other around and do the jobs together. It makes it easier, faster, and most definitely more exciting.

"Sleeping on it" doesn't really do much in my opinion. You don't exactly have any control of what you dream about, so how does sleeping on something help you come to some kind of conclusion? Exactly. It doesn't. All it does is give you an excuse to run away from something that is bothering you. There isn't anything wrong with that, I just think people need to stop using the phrase "sleeping on it" and instead, maybe just say... "I don't want to think about this right now because I really just don't know what to do. I'm going to sleep instead." That's more honest, yeah?

If you love someone, you don't want to hurt them.. right? Isn't it just as simple as that? You want them to be happy. If you love someone, you won't risk losing that. Love is a lot of things, but I think that is an important one.

Life.Never.Gets.Easier. As soon as one thing is better, something else is worse.. I guess that's just what life is about, and perhaps every step of the way prepares you for the next step.

Today on facebook, I liked the group, "hearing something that kills you inside and having to act like you don't care.." I don't in fact "like" this. I actually completely hate this and there is nothing worse. I am getting too good at acting like I don't care I think. It has lead me to the point where I let people use me and treat me like less of a person because I act like I don't care. I believe in acting like I don't care when necessary, or to protect those I care about, but I need to draw a line. I have feelings, and I am sensitive. I do care. A lot.

Surprising people is fun. Trying to surprise people and finding out they are not where you assumed is not fun.

The other day I wrote a post about not having a first love. I have thought about that post a lot, and I realized, I have had a first love. But right now, that truly isn't the most important thing in my life. I have other things I need to focus on and other things I need to be involved with.

I often say things I don't mean, and I hate when I do it, but sometimes I can't stop myself. It is such a problem when people take these things SO literally and I end up really regretting speaking. I need to work on this.

Right now, the flaw that I am working on overcoming is seriously killing me. I have done better then I have in the past, but I have to wonder how long I will be able to bottle away my feelings before the cap just pops right off and I explode.

I read this quote while I was searching for blog pictures. "How many times do we forgive someone just because we don't want to lose them, even though they don't deserve our forgiveness?" I do have strong beliefs on the importance of forgiveness, but perhaps thinking of this in a different way? Maybe like.. "How many times do we let people hurt us just because we don't want to lose them.. even though you don't deserve to be treated like that?" I don't know about everyone else, but I am the biggest pushover when it comes to this. I have been my whole life. It's a little bit sad maybe.

I am freakishly incredible at judging situations and predicting things. I know, it sounds weird. But sometimes a little part of me wonders if maybe I am psycic? Call me crazy.. but it's just getting weird.

Yes, I am a firm believer in the notion that eventually.. things turn out how they are supposed to; however, in addition to that, I don't believe that is an easy way out of hard things. I don't think that is an excuse to run around being careless because eventually things will be right. I believe you have to work hard to make things work out right. I believe if you find someone you love, you won't risk losing person that because you know what?.. you might. And perhaps if you did things differently.. you wouldn't have. I believe if you hope something happens, you need to do what you can to help that thing to happen. No one gets to just sit back and watch their life fall into place. I believe if something is important, you will find a way to keep that thing apart of your life. You have to work for what you want to work out... and then you will find it.

I like not working at 7:30 on Monday mornings. This was by far my favorite Monday in a long time. Obviously for more reasons than not working early, but it certainly helped.

If something is bothering you.. you can make it go away. Try this:


Worked like a charm for me. =)

1.23.2011

Guess what.

Challenge? Yeah. I'm done. I don't want to do that anymore. 

I had the worst week last week, and I think this week might potentially be completely the opposite. First of all, I don't have to wake up tomorrow morning with a six on the clock for the second time since November and I am feeling great about that. And.. I started a project. I am making a quilt! Hahaha. Okay but really. I have this best friend in the world who just happens to be travelling to Puerto Rico for two years, and so I am making him a blanket to take with him. I will be sure to upload pictures once the project is complete. I don't really know where this side of me came from, but apparently I like making things and I am getting all sentimental with it. Weird. I'm like growing up or something. Maybe not though.

Speaking of travelling to Puerto Rico for two years.. I been thinking... what the heck am I going to do without Cody? I am nothing but excited for him to be there because it truly will be the best experience ever.. but really. Who's going to make me smile when I'm grumpy? Or be willing to go to Wendys any hour of the night with me? Or lose to me at monopoly? Or bring me mini eggs? Or drive with me while I run errands? Or wait while I clean my bathroom every day? Or clean the snow off from my car? Or make sure I know when the Flames play? Or drive my car when I don't want to? Or keep me sane when I'm going crazy? Or start my car twenty minutes before I go home? Or listen to all my weird music? Or let me steal their clothes? Or take ugly pictures with me?


I call this one the big smile head lock...(except Cody doesn't know how to smile as big as me..)

Any takers? These are some pretty big shoes to fill.. just saying... 

1.21.2011

easier said than done.

1.20.2011

08

A moment. 

Naturally, my first thought was my favorite romantic moment, because that is just the typical thing for me to think as a result of the movies I have seen and the books I have read. I figured I write enough romantical things enough on here to probably make some people gag, so I'm going to pass on the whole romance thing for today. I think I deserve a pat on the back for getting past the point in my life where being in love was the center of everything; however, my lack of maturity reveals itself in the rest of this post. I guess I'm a work in progress.

I had an interesting moment recently. I was having a bad day. Okay, yeah.. I've had a few lately.. not a big deal. I hope they are good from now on. Anyway. I was lucky enough to have a friend by my side through my rough day. This friend was kind and as understanding as possible through my ridiculous and stubborn attitude throughout the day. I was already embarrassed enough for having a bad day and being upset at some things that were honestly so silly. One of those days that the stupidest things just make you cry? Maybe someone out there can relate. Anyway. I was still in a slightly bad/humiliated mood when I started heading home. It wasn't exactly a storm off sort of exit, but it wasn't pleasant either. I am extremely stubborn, you see, and even though I felt better, I wasn't ready to get rid of my frown. Stupid, I know. I'm working on it. Sometimes the seven year old inside of me just comes out in the worst of times. So as I'm driving away with a pout on my face, my friend is following me in their own vehicle heading home as well. Well. I drove my car off the side of the road into about 4 feet of snow in the ditch. I wasn't going fast. This wasn't a car accident or anything, just due to ice and wind and lack of visibility.. the car just kind of slumped into the snow. I was already embarrassed for being in a bad mood and for having a bad day and for complaining and for pouting and for being miserable. I just closed my eyes and hoped with everything inside of me that maybe my friend wouldn't notice and would just keep driving right past me?... Well, no such luck. I turn around to see the biggest smile on my friend's face. Thank you for that. What a peach. Kind of ironic, really. I attempt to leave harshly and can't even make my fast getaway. Serves me right. =) I was eventually able to smile about it, thanks to a lot of things. Thank you friend for helping me get un-stuck in a number of different ways on my stupid bad day.

source undisclosed.



1.19.2011

blogaholic.

Okay this is my second post today. That's not like me. Things just keep happening. My blog has kind of become my way of dealing with everything? Anyway. Today was a bad day. I try really hard not to have bad days, but today I just couldn't win. Okay, maybe it's just me.. but have you ever just felt entirely alone on something? I have strong religious beliefs and know that truly no one is ever alone, but there is something else about confiding in a close friend. Today, I was struggling with something. I turned to a friend. Apparently it wasn't the friend to turn to. I felt awful for a few reasons. First, I felt awful for just everything that was going on. Second, I felt bad for expecting this friend to understand just what I was trying to say. Third. I felt awful because I was in no position to be asking this person for help with something they clearly knew nothing about. More or less, it was a low point in life. Embarrassed? Yeah. I am. Anyway. It ended up for the worst in more ways than one. Today I think was the start of a new chapter in my life. One I am a little bit scared of, but at the same time.. it is a chapter I've anticipated for a long time.. and something I kind of always new was coming. I guess it's just time to see where I do with this newfound discovery in life. That's all.

OH. Also. Today, I wrote a song. Maybe someday I will share, but that is certainly not today.

07

My Best Friend.
Hmm. Well, I have had a lot of "best friends" through the years. I can't say that in my life I have had just one best friend. I guess I can go through them all... there are a lot. 
Just a side note first here. Just because my "best" friends change every year here.. isn't saying I lost touch with any of the friends previously mentioned or suddenly wasn't friends with them. I just became "closer" with others. You know how life is.. I am just associating the people I remember most with each grade.

My first best friend was Dallin. He lived next door since I was born. He was also my only friend, and I'm pretty sure I was his only friend. His mom used to babysit me. Sometimes I don't think we even liked each other, but we still played every day. The day I got sent to get babysat on the east hill was a little bit heartbreaking. Needless to say, here we are, 19 years later, living next door, and hanging out almost every day. It's certainly been on and off through the years, but he and I certainly go way back.

Breanne Strang was my best friend in kindergarden. We would sit together on the bus and go play at each other's houses. That's about all I can remember.

Nicole Peters, Nicole Parker, and Lauren Smith. Grade one. I loved the Nicole's, and who didn't love Lauren? We were all in the same class, so naturally we were all friends.

Grade two, I wasn't in the same class as anybody I previously new, and I remember being best friends with Kaycee Romeril (Bevans) and Shelise Day Chief. I have a story I wrote in grade two about a squirrel and a monkey named Kaycee and Shelise. Hahaha.

Grade two.. okay yeah I got held back. I was born in Dec 1991.. so I was like beyond the youngest in the grade.. you know, that September deadline.. it happened the year I started school. Anyway. There were kids in the grade below me that were older than me, and I was small anyway, so there you go. Grade two. Tessa Merrill. Enough said.

Grade three. Tessa Merrill. We used to sit together and switch all of our workbooks and do each other's work all morning. I guess its safe to admit to that one now. This year I also became very good friends with Becky Quinton, Karen Low, and Jillian Boyson. Looking back it's funny to see how you become besties with the girls in your class.

Grade four. Malarie Bevans, Stephanie Redford, Jillian Boyson. I don't remember how me and Mal became so tight, but I remember we sat together and we asked Steph to come color with us. Such a tender moment.

Grade five. Karlee Cahoon, Malarie Bevans, Bianca Alcock, Stephanie Redford. I am pretty sure that Steph and I lived at Bianca's house every single weekend of this year, and the next.

Bianca Alcock, Stephanie Redford, Malarie Bevans: grade 6. We just thought we were all so cool you know. But I did love these girls wtih all my heart.

Grade seven.. I don't even remember. This was a big transformation year for me I think. I lost some friends, made some new ones, but I think for the most part, I was the tightest with Steph and Mal. I think this was the first year I really was heartbroken, and it was over the loss of a friendship. I guess thats the beginning of Junior High though.. hahaha

Grade eight. Steph and Mal. Ohhh the good days. Tessa as well. I remember doing a lot of projects with her in Mrs. Baxter's science class.. and Mr. Ralph's social class.

Grade nine. Stephanie Redford, Malarie Bevans, Katelyn Remington,  Michelle Zemp, Karlee Cahoon, Kelson Roe, Braden Moojalsky. I didn't play sports anymore, so didn't get to spend as much time with Malarie as I used to. I did stats for the football team, and Karlee and I became very close, as we both fell in love with boys on the team. The rest just all seemed to happen.

Grade ten. Braden Moojalsky, Kelson Roe, Michelle Karlee Steph Kate. You know. 

Grade eleven. Steph. Karlee. Kate. Michelle. This was a fun year for us. I don't even remember why, but I liked grade eleven. It was different.

Grade twelve. Steph. Karlee. Kate. Michelle. Spring. Jordan. Cody. This was a crazy year. I was tight with the girls as usual, and Spring was certainly my go-to girl about every single problem I encountered, but Jordan was that guy who told me everything, and I told him everything. It was freaky how well he knew me and I knew him considering the limited amount of time we spend together. He was that friend that I could not see for two months, but then we'd hangout and it was like nothing had changed. I was lucky to have him take me to grad after a really complicated, messed up year. Cody came along about halfway through, and although we weren't necessarily best friends to begin with, it certainly ended up that way by the summer. I actually wrote a whole post about him being my best friend right here.  I am going to miss Cody a lot when he leaves in a couple weeks. We've been through a lot and even though I am SO excited for him to be a missionary, it will be a hard goodbye.

Right now, my best friends are probably Cody, Dallin, and Steph. Of course, along with many others, but I spend the most time with them. I love all my friends, and I wouldn't change anything that's happened.

It's sad to think life just sends the best of friends in their separate ways.. and we can't do anything about it. Somedays I miss some of my lost friendships terribly. Somedays the hurt is still there, but overall, I can just smile at the different happinesses each of my many different friends have brought into my life, and know that they are now bringing happinesses into others' lives.

source undisclosed.

06

My Day Day?
 Okay. What the heck does that even mean? I truly am stumped.. So I will just write a post about a few of my thoughts. 

Today I taught some three and four year olds how to point their toes and jump at the same time. I have a new appreciation for people who are naturally born coordinated... but also those who aren't.. because it is just so dang cute.

I got a letter in the mail a while back from an Elder Wadsworth serving in West Virginia. I have never met him.. but it was nice of him to write. Word is he got transferred, so I'm not sure how he expects me to write back...

I reeeeeeally don't like when people lie to me.. and okay. Sometimes things that are said aren't actual "lies".. but still deceitful. That makes me just as sad.

Who doesn't miss the way things used to be on the odd occasion? I do. If you don't, please tell me your secret. Thanks.

I went visiting teaching for my first time today. It went exactly how you'd expect visiting teaching to go.

Spring is living across the ocean from me but she still knows every daily occurrence in my life and hears about my astonishing discoveries from facebook. Even though I can't text her.. everything else is the same. Minus going to Firestone and Starbucks. =(

Have you seen Country Strong? No? Okay stop what you are doing and go see it. It's seriously so good. Hands down, best movie I've seen in a long time. It was the kind of movie that would be entertaining to watch me watch. Seriously. I wouldn't wipe the smile off my face the whole thing. It just put me in theeee best mood, ever!

Speaking of Country Strong... there is some great country  music from it. Even if you aren't a fan of country music.. you should take a look. My sister hated country music her whole life but.. she even bought the album. I highly recommend Give Into Me by Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester. I'm just obsessed with the whole album now. I will probably be talking more about this movie in the near future.

Today was that day of cleaning the drain in my shower. I seriously wonder if I lose more hair in the shower than others. I'm kind of concerned.

Sydnee slept in my bed last weekend. She brought ketchup chips and I like her for that.

Okay so last time I recommended a movie to someone.. the movie was All About Steve. Some of my best friends and I went, and we were just in the perfect mood to see it. Everyone who we recommended it to.. along with most of the world.. seems to think it was awful. Hahaha so maybe Country Strong won't be the best ever but... very quite possibly okay! I'm serious about this one.. and even other people seem to agree.

A lady gave the best talk in church on Sunday. It was about the importance of not being judgemental. Seriously.. It really got to me. It brought me to tears and I hope I can do better in that area. I also hope in return, less people will judge me.

Speaking of judgements. For anyone out there who has seen me or heard of me do anything you didn't like? I'd really appreciate it if you would stop judging me for that. We all have our flaws, yeah? We all make mistakes. I am who I am, and I've been who I have been. The point is, I am trying hard to be a better person and a more mature person, and I really would appreciate it if everyone would stop giving me such a hard time for things I've done in the past or ways I've acted. Word spreads so quickly these days you know. It is tough to hear people mocking things I have done such a long time ago. Things people don't truly know much about. =(

I miss Waterton.. and last summer.. and the summer before.. and the summer before.. and all the people associated with all of that.

I don't like swimming. I don't get the point. You just jump in the water.. then what? I prefer laying next to the ocean for 8 consecutive hours and not moving except from my back to my front.

I just wrote a whole bunch of things on this blog post earlier today and they didn't all save and I'm really mad because some were good but I forget what they were.

I bought a pair of $90.00 jeans and a pair of $6.00 tights in the same week. Guess which ones I have worn more? Yep. The tights. I think I might save some money and cut back on my jeans purchases.

A lot of people have been blog bashing Simply Jane. That's fine; everyone is entitled to their own opinions... but seriously. This is my blog.. so don't read it if you don't like what I have to say. Problem solved?

Sometimes things that happened forever ago have a way of resurfacing. It's surprising how much things I thought once were buried with the weeks and months and years haven't changed a bit. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

I miss being in school a little bit. I hope next fall comes quick.

Did I mention how sad it makes me when people lie? And then they get caught in it but they straight up just deny it?... I don't lie to you.. why do you lie to me?

It has been decided that I will be travelling to England in 2012 for the Olympics with Spring. This isn't just a hope and dream either.. I am fairly certain of this one.

It was a hard day today. I hope tomorrow is better.

source undisclosed.


1.17.2011

05.

My definition of love?

Love is:
happy. sad. blissful. beautiful. creative. anxious. thoughtful. patient. hurtful. selfless. unconditional. forever. hard. perfect. easy. confusing. horrible. gentle. funny. adventurous. dizzy. red. dramatic. under rated. pathetic. cute. darling. lovely. sappy. romantic. cheesy. gaggy. misunderstood. everywhere. bonding. lost. invigorating. non-judgemental. forgotten. pure. melodious. devoted. time-consuming. miraculous. protective. magical. comfortable. nerve-wracking. ever-lasting. dreamy. friendly. complicated. stressful. overly anticipated. rushed. prolonged. taken-advantage of. overused. underused. personal. young. compassionate. sincere. envied. shy. heavenly. fearless. simple.

source undisclosed.


but mostly?
I think love is simply worth waiting for.

1.16.2011

Day 4

 "Ooh, call him in the middle of the night and tell him everything you had to eat that day.."
Ok. Who can name the quote from the best show ever?

This was the first thing that came to mind alongside todays challenge.
Can't say I've ever done anything like this...?

What I Ate Today
1. tomato soup and cheese bread
2. a cracker.. or three
3. a glass of chocolate milk
4. roast chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, beans, gravy..you know
5. some chocolate chips. jus some though not lots.

Okay that was the biggest waste of a blog post... so I'll post a nice picture or something.

Enough said.
I like this picture for obvious reasons.


1.15.2011

Day 3

Day 3 - I feel like I've written a few posts about my parents, which makes sense how I always take part in these little challenges. My parents are great. Sometimes we don't get along, but when we do? We really get along. Setting aside everything worldly and frustrating and everything we don't agree on, my parents are always there when I really need them, for the things that really matter. =)


So. I heard this quote today. 
"To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own." - Abraham Lincoln.
What a brilliant man, right?

source undisclosed.

I think that ends up being more often than not.

Sometimes its smiling despite the tears and saying the things necessary to make another happy in the long run is what really matters. Sometimes I struggle with this, but every once in a while I really remember that some things are important right now and some things aren't. What really matters is that everyone is happy in the long run. Maybe? Well. Maybe for today.

Day 2

So here is day 2..a few hours late, I suppose.
 My first love? If you would have asked me when I was twelve, I would have had an answer. If you asked me when I was fifteen, I would have had an answer. If you asked me when I was seventeen, I would have had an answer, and again when I was eighteen. But here I am, age nineteen. My answer?
Let's see. Everyone seems to say love lasts forever yeah? I think love does last forever.
Well I guess that means I still haven't met my first love..

source undisclosed.
I'm not really having much luck these days.
Maybe in a couple more years.
As for now, I am just happy to be single.

1.13.2011

well. this was inevitable.

Ya. I can't help but start these things. I'm not sure what it is, but they are my favorite ever.
I found this lovely little challenge from this lovely blog. =)

Day 01 – Introduce yourself with pictures and words 
Day 02 – Your first love
 
Day 03 – Your parents
 
Day 04 – What you ate today 
 
Day 05 – Your definition of love
 
Day 06 – Your day Day 
07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
 
Day 09 – Your beliefs 
Day 10 – What you wore today 
 
Day 11 – Your siblings
 
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
 
Day 13 – This week 
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams 
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
 
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
 
Day 20 – This month
 
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you 
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
 
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first 
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
 
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment

So I guess it's Day 1.
It says use a picture to introduce yourself. I didn't really want to put a picture of myself up, but I liked this one. She looks happy, and I'm happy, so I figured it was suiting enough.

Well. I'm Simply Jane. I think there are a lot of people that believe they know me. People I have interacted with over the past few years, people who read my blog, people who are friends with me on facebook, people who have heard of things I've done or ways I have acted, or people who are friends with my friends. Maybe you do know me, but I really think it is more likely that you don't. There haven't been very many people that I truly believe have known who I am, and the person I want to be. There are one or two for sure, but I think it ends about there. Here are some things I think maybe people don't know about me.
1. I hate confrontation. I have been called a pushover. I won't deny that. I hate hurting people or causing unnecessary problems and when I accidently do, I believe it is the worst feeling. I think this has lead me to be trampled on and used a few too many times in my life.
2. I'm very opinionated, but rarely actually voice my opinions. While hanging out with people, I would much rather let someone else decide what movie to watch, where to eat, or what to do, because I'd rather be the one who is unhappy with the decision than dealing with the complaints of those I am with. 
3. I'm an observer. I seriously have no problem sitting out on a game and watching everyone else participate. I enjoy it. This goes with cards, video games, sports.. basically anything.
4. When I was eight, I told my dad I was going to be opening a homeless shelter when I was older.
5. I didn't used to think this about myself, but I've come to the realization of how much I love animals. I will cry if I hear about animals being tortured or see an animal in pain.
6. The first impression I get from everyone, is that they don't like me. Perhaps I am just seriously lacking in confidence, but honestly, I just assume people don't. I'm not sure why. It's really kind of embarrassing, but maybe it's easier that way. 
7. I am really good at putting two and two together. I don't know how, but honestly I can judge situations, read peoples faces or actions, or assume results from things so accurately it is almost scary. 
8. I hate my handwriting. I have the hardest time writing letters because I think it is atrocious and I don't want anyone to see. 
9. I have become way too talented at acting like I don't care about things that hurt me. If someone tells me something that makes me want to die, I am very good at not letting my true feelings show. I don't think it's really healthy actually. I just really don't like others to know when I am hurt. Putting on a happy face makes it so much easier.
10. I think I gossip too much. I really wish I didn't. I try not to, and I am working on it, but it is a fact of life and something I struggle with. However; I am fully capable of keeping a secret if necessary, or if it is for someone I love.

Well, I guess everyone knows me a little bit better, but I'm pretty sure I still remain a mystery to 99.9999% of the population. Probably more.

1.11.2011

I hope you know, I can hear what you are saying.

source undisclosed.

Please. Continue. I'm fully aware of what you are saying. 

I'm flattered that you find me interesting enough to waste your life making sure everyone knows just what is going on in mine.

Gossip and judge
 until the day you die... it sure as heck isn't going to change the outcome of my life,
 is it?
...but it might change the outcome of yours? 
Jus a thought.


1.10.2011

seriously?

Sometimes, I like to just turn my phone off, lock the door to my room, and be by myself.
I have these thick, dark brown curtains, you see. Perfect for all day naps.  But, I can't do that. Because if I turn my phone off, people will freak out or something, because apparently there is a problem with turning my phone off.

Sometimes the distractions of the outside world make me crazy.
Having to run errands, the beeping of the snow plow early in the morning, line ups in grocery stores.. its all madness. I have no problem laying on the floor of my bedroom with music blasting, and doing absolutely nothing.

Sometimes I wish texting didn't exist.
Having a cell phone is so great sometimes. It makes you 100% accessible, all the time... which presents a problem. What if I don't want to be available all the time? Everyone says, "just don't text back," I know. But you know what happens then? Another text, and a duplicate, and a phone call, and another text. Seriously people. I'm contemplating breaking my phone in half.

Sometimes I feel like my personal space has been invaded.
Everyone seems to think they know everything. People I once trusted have spread my inner most pains and  happinesses until they have become stories used for entertainment. Seriously. I have to stop telling things to people.

Sometimes people don't understand these things about me... which is fine. Some people are different. Some people want to be social all day every day and constantly want to be talking with someone or spreading the latest gossip or running or playing or chatting or being on the phone. It's really not a big deal. That's just not me. Sure, there are days when I just feel like being a social butterfly, but sometimes I just like chilling by myself. It's really not a huge deal. Just accept it.

Sometimes people think something is wrong with me, and I hate that, because there isn't anything wrong. They keep asking whats going on with me over and over and over until I want to scream, because nothing was wrong, I just wanted to be alone, and now, something is wrong, because some people just won't  let me have that.


ask for source.

Seriously. Since when was saying no to a hangout such a crime? 

1.09.2011

Miss Jane

So, I got a new title. 
I am officially Miss Jane.
Some people know what this means, and some don't. For those of you in the world that don't know what that means, I will tell you. That means I am a dance teacher.
Love, love, love.
I feel like telling the story of how I arrived here.



Dancing in my life had a late start. When I was four, I started gymnastics. I enjoyed that for a good four or five years when I first became curious about dance lessons. I became friends with Tessa and I knew she was taking dance. I remember watching her recital, and I wanted to be doing that as well. My parents decided to let me give it a try. My first class was Jazz, where I danced to the song Miracles Happen from Princess Diaries. I just had the best time. We threw sparkles and confetti in the air—brilliant, right? Best.Dance.Ever... courtesy of Miss Cheryl. The next year I started in a class with Tessa. I was just taking one class, and Miss Cheryl decided I was capable of being in her class. I thought otherwise. I knew the girls in that class had been dancing for six and seven years and I hated being behind. I'm sure if I would have stuck with it, I would have been fine eventually, but I was just eleven and I didn't like being behind. I stopped dancing. That year I started succeeding in track and field. I didn't know it, but apparently I was a sprinter. I started thinking about playing sports instead, and so it was, my life turned in that direction. I played volleyball, basketball, and badminton in grade seven and eight, along with track. 

Yup. That's me. I played sports. Hard to believe, right?

Zones when I was in grade 8. I had such a love hate relationship with track.

Apparently I wasn't too terrible. 

Volleyball was my favorite, with track following close behind. I guess that is a stretch, I actually hated track because it made me so nervous, but I loved being successful at something. I loved being apart of a team of athletes. The idea entered my mind of maybe playing high school sports. I'm not sure I ever would have made it there.. Jr High and High School sports are clearly different.. =) I certainly wasn't the star of the teams, but I felt I was well rounded enough athletically. Most importantly, I didn't see myself being the worst on the team. When I was fourteen, I remember watching the dance recital again. By that point, my best friend, Stephanie Redford, had been dancing for a few years. I remember watching all of the girls up on stage, and I wished that I hadn't given up so easily. I enjoyed playing sports, but I wished I was up there dancing instead. That following year, I didn't try out for any sports teams. I knew there were other people who wanted to be on the teams more than I did, and I was ready to try something new.
The next year, I decided to start taking tap. Since Steph had never taken tap before, and either had Jordan, we decided to all start together. It was such a fun year. We certainly had some good laughs. I'll never forget the time Jordan fell on her face doing pick-ups and the first time we attempted turning while tapping. Miss Cheryl ever-so-politely just smiled and turned off the music with no further comment. =) I was seriously the studios biggest fan. I loved being at the dress rehearsal all day and watching every single number over and over, even though I was only in one class.
That year at recital, everyone asked why I wasn't taking more classes. I knew I would be behind, but I wanted to stick with it. Even if I had been inconsistent, I didn't care. I wanted to be apart of the dance academy here in Cardston.

I joined ballet, jazz, lyrical, and even started pointe. I never looked back. 
I so appreciate Miss Jodi and Miss Cheryl for putting up with my insecurities and doubts when it came to dancing and having faith that I had the talent to keep up with the girls who had been dancing for so long.

Lyrical Trio with besties - T-Shirt

Jazz - Turn the Beat Around

Ballet - Masquerade

Lyrical - Fireflies 

I'd say it was a successful year, and I completely fell in love.

This year, as my life has changed entirely, I found myself back at the dance studio with the opportunity to teach the Tiny Tots ballet class, along with co-teaching another ballet class, and a tap class. Last week I helped Miss Hannah teach a couple of her classes, and was first introduced as Miss Janeen. It was the most darling experience ever, and I am completely in love with the little dancers already. I can hardly wait for next week.

1.07.2011

music misses you.



Like this moment. or this one. or this one. or this one. or this one. or.. this one.



Really?.. 


"I still remember this moment in the back of my mind
the night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same"






"You lift my feet of the ground and spin me around."








"I still believe, some things are just meant to be."



photos found via this website.

1.06.2011

you said lovely.


I love the word lovely. I don't know when it started, or how, or why. I certainly overused it for a time in my life. Isn't it just, lovely though? There is just something about the way it rolls off your tongue effortlessly with a breath of air.  It can be used sarcastically. It can be used to end an awkward situation. It can be used just to plain old describe a perfect day. Any word that's root is love is most definitely fabulous. There is far more to being lovely than there is to being nice, or great, or cool, or pretty, or sweet. 
Simple, yet intriguing. 

dictionary.com defines lovely a few different ways.

1. charmingly or exquisitely beautiful
2. having a beauty that appeals to the heart or mind as well as to the eye, as a person or face
3. delightful, highly pleasing
4. of a great moral or spiritual beauty

All of the above?
Yes please.


1.04.2011

it's funny





1.01.2011

Puzzled.

I'm nineteen. In these nineteen years, I have experienced many emotions, trials, happinesses, sorrows, pains, and excitements. I still relish in the positive, and I still hurt from the negative. I can't change what has happened. I can't take back any event from the past. And you know what? I don't want to. All of these things combined have created a masterpiece: me. Without each and every piece of life I have experienced, I would not be the person that I am.

Yeah. I wrote a poem, and I'm even proud of it. It sometimes just happens, okay?

to the jobs I have survived
to the messes I've made
to the places I have lived
to the bills I haven't paid

to the places I've travelled
to the illnesses I've had
to my brothers and sisters
to my mom and dad

to the A's I've received
to the contests I've won
to the assignments I've failed
to the homework left undone

 to the students who don't care
to the teachers who do
to the drama of high school
with that, to being through

to the beaches I love
to the days in the sand
to the icy cold air
to the frost bitten hands

to the people who have hurt me
to the people who I still love
to the people who watch over me
to the ones from up above

to those that I've hurt
to their broken hearts
to the wrong things that I've said
to the reasons we've drifted apart

to the friends who have faded
to those still shining bright
to the people who will never forget me
to the ones that still might

to the things that bring smiles
to the things that make me cry 
to the boys who have broken my heart
to the boys who have helped me fly

to my first best friend
to my first kiss
to the shoulders I've cried on
to the missionary I miss

to the future still unwritten
to the knowledge that I'll find bliss
to the thrill of unknown
to whoever will have my last kiss

to each little puzzle piece
to each and every size 
please, continue creating my life
so far, it's been the ultimate prize

Thank you. Thank you all for being a piece to the puzzle of Jane. Thank you for my experiences, for piecing yourselves together to create me, for showing me what it is to be me, and for letting me love myself. I am simply Jane, and nothing is ever going to change that.

photo found via google images

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