spring cleaning.

Well, summer has left me. It came and went quickly. Some days were perfect. Some days I regret. There are words I wish I would have said and words I wish I wouldn't have. There are things I wish I wouldn't have done, and other things I wish I would have...
it's time to let summer 2012 rest in peace. 
With that, I think it's time to take a bit of a break. 
With some wise wise words from my lovely friend Karlee, I've decided to simplify things in life. Sure, my life wasn't overly complicated before...
 but I am still taking some me time.

Karlee Rae told me to focus on me. 
Focus on making my life what I want it to be and also focus on becoming who I want to become.
 I really love her for telling me that. 
I feel like I've tried doing that before and sometimes I feel like I figure it out. 
Apparently not.

Truth is, I still just don't really know who I am. I change my mind about things every day. 

I'm scared of commitment and decision making.
I'm scared of honesty.
I'm more scared of dishonesty.
I'm scared of the future and unfortunately, I'm still scared of my past.
And mostly, I'm scared to death of getting hurt.

So, I'm just going to take a little break from planning and dwelling and wondering and pondering and just kind of let myself breathe a little bit and have a little faith that things willlll in fact happen the way they are supposed to. My heart hurts a little bit, but it will be okay someday. =)


half over.

Being home has been quite a treat.  
Southern Alberta has treated me well.
Quite well.
I have to say the fact that I'm going back to Texas in twelve days makes me panic a little bit. 
I've already been here for twelve, and it's gone so fast.
 I feel like I'm not quite finished with my time here. 
Hopefully the next twelve days will go perfectly. 
The last twelve have certainly had ups and downs, but despite the downs..
  the ups and the realizations I've made and the chances I've decided to take
 have made everything so worth it..  =)

I keep learning a little bit more about myself every day.
 I like that.
I'm making a list now.

1. My bed is my favorite belonging. Is that bad?
2. I love the weather here. I love that it cools down at night.
3. I like wearing jeans better than wearing shorts.
4. Having a washer and drier is so convenient. Also having a fully equipped kitchen is so convenient.
5. Sometimes you just have to be spontaneous and try to win fifty bucks by running through the mud bog, because sometimes you win.
6. People don't change all that much. I'm still the same me I was when I was 12 and when I was 17. Sure, there are differences, but deep down, I have the same heart. It's just a little tougher and experienced.
7. I love my friends with all my heart.
8. I want to go back to school after I graduate from Dental Hygiene.
9. I want to be an English teacher... Surprise surprise.
10. Being straight up is the only way to be. Nothing to lose, right?
11. Random people you hardly know like to take it upon themselves to make your business their business. So not cool.
12. Life is all about adjustments.
13. Boys like to be the hero, and girls just want a hero. How convenient.
14. Summer is the best time of year.. and summer stories are always the best. =)
15. Time can pass.. from days to weeks to months to years, but some things in life just never, ever change, no matter how much you think you want them to. Some things just are the way they are.
16. Some people ya just can't trust. It's sad really.
17. Sometimes you just have to choose to find your own way for some places in life instead of following the map you created for yourself so long ago.
18. I don't care about what other people think nearly as much as I used to. It feels like heaven.
19. I'm me. I'm Jane. I tell myself not to put my heart on the line, but I always do. Can't help it.
20. Some risks will always be worth taking, no matter how many times you've taken them before.

~We Bought A Zoo


every summer has a story.

Okay so I guess its more like every summer SHOULD have a story. But you see, last summer didn't really have much of a storyline for me. It involved working and going to bed early and waking up early. It wasn't terrible and of course, life threw me a curve ball or two in attempts to mix things up for me... but I didn't really do anything about it. I don't think I exactly took advantage of the summer sun and the freedom and the experiences I could have had.. and I'm kind of regretting it.

I think I had a bit of a wake up call. I arrived home, not expecting all too much of my three weeks, with a few plans here or there. Nothing set in stone, but sometimes crap just happens and makes you realize that in fact you gotta make life count.

So, in effort to make up for my terribly dull summer of 2011, combined with the fact that I was in school until five days ago, I have exactly three weeks to make up for lost summertime.  Now I have three weeks of no job, no commitments, and no expectations, I am quite determined to make the story of summer 2012 one worth smiling about and maybe even writing about if I find the time. I already have a few things checked off my bucket list, and I certainly have a few more things I need to do before I am headed back to Texas. I suppose this is my vow to make every second count this summer. I have to say I'm looking forward to having no regrets, not over-thinking things, and just living a little bit, because I'm tired of being a student zombie. I'm ready for a few more spontaneous late night adventures, a few more days on the lake, perhaps a little camping and hopefully not too much sleeping. I'm excited to just stop worrying about doing what everyone else expects me to do this summer and not caring about what everyone else thinks. It's gonna be good.


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