rant rant rant

I've kinda been called a pushover my whole life. I didn't ever believe it until I realized I was.. ya know? But the thing is, I'm not so much a pushover in the sense that I don't stand up for myself. When it comes down to it, I will stick up for myself. I have no problem voicing my opinion when it matters. And to be honest, I sometimes think there is a possibility that I'm a confident person these days. (My teenage years must be coming to an end or something?) Anyway. I am pretty sure the reason people think I'm a pushover is because I hate conflict. If someone asks me to do something for them (within reason), I'd rather just do it than create unnecessary tension by not doing it.. So I guess I kinda let people boss me around sometimes. (Which is interesting considering how bossy I can be..?) Maybe it's not necessarily a good thing.. but it's just who I am. I would rather others have it their way than for them to be mad because it is my way. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess I just hate when people don't like me. That's probably not necessarily always a good thing either.  And there is a little part of me that wishes sometimes I would care a little bit more and have a stronger opinion about the trivial things, but then there is this bigger overpowering part of me that insists I do whatever it takes to make sure everyone else is happy to prevent any sort of tension from thickening in the room. Whatever. I have just been doing some thinking is all.  No summary. No solution.

Oh PS. I get to go home in a week. AH.


  1. I DEFINITELY can relate to these feelings. I have never understood those people who thrive on confrontation. It is such an unsettling thing to me. Although I have been known to stand up for a my kids and a few cheerleaders now and again ;)

  2. I had a similar talk about not liking unnecessary tension with my mother last night. Its a struggle sometimes eh?


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