For everyone to see.

If you hate when people write blog posts about missing people or sappy crap about feelings, you have been warned and you can close this window now because this post will contain all of the above.

Today. Something about today. Something about the pile of letters waiting in my mailbox yesterday, alongside the picture to pin on my wall, combined with the emails, all added to the family photos loaded on facebook. Today? I miss Cody more than I ever have. I am just one huge ball of emotions. It's pathetic, really.. but I'm not ashamed.

I miss his freckles. 
I miss how grumpy he is after a nap. 
I miss how he is obsessed with his hair gel. 
I miss his warmth. 
I miss his laugh. 
I miss him tickling me so incessantly I wanted to kill him. 
I miss how we would fight too much. 
I miss telling him how to spell chief and receive and believe and all the other ei/ie words every single time he had to write them.
 I miss how one second we would be mad and then two seconds later it would turn into a pillow fight.
 I miss how he folds his towels a certain way. 
I miss how every time he said goodbye he would give me a tug with an extra tight squeeze at the end. 
I miss how he sometimes thought he sounded like a dinosaur. 
I miss laying on the floor with him behind the computer desk while Carson downloaded music. 
I miss him whistling out of tune all the time.
 I miss brushing our teeth together. 
I miss feeding chickens and scrubbing eggs. 
I miss jumping on his bed. 
I miss how he got photogenic and photographic mixed up all the time. 
I miss his hand tapping on mine after I would stop giving him a hand massage letting me know he wasn't ready for me to stop.  
I miss piling in bed with Carson to watch a movie. 
I miss how much he showed off while he was driving even though it made me mad at the time.
 I miss his freakishly nice handwriting and his ability to keep ridiculously organized. 
I miss how hard it is for him to get comfortable. 
I miss his messy hair after a nap.
 I miss texting 24/7 and more.
 I miss him peeking out the windows of his garage to wave when I left his house. 
I miss how he would always try to scare me when I came over to see him. 
I miss how he would just randomly start dancing with me when he gave me a hug.
 I miss having someone to call any time of day or someone to do nothing with.
 I miss his aviators and the black jacket he wore every day. 
I miss his obsession with shoes and how he bought a new pair almost every time he went to the mall.
 I miss how he always had to have a pepsi.
 I miss him stealing my five cent candy.
 I miss his obsession with the courthouse and how he was so excited when I had to pay my ticket because he could tell me everything he knew.
I miss his inability to make decisions. 
I miss his family. 
I miss his house and his car.
 I miss Kip.. and how he said "Kippy" in a freaky weird voice. 
I miss the smell of his laundry detergent.
 I miss watching him change the oil in a car and how he loved that he could impress me that way.
I miss the posters that he had in his room.
 I miss how he tapped on my windows.
 I miss our scale of 1-12, not 10. 
I miss curling up to him on the couch and how he would automatically just put his arm around me. 
I miss his smile when he did something I told him not to do. 
Most of all.. I miss how much he loves me. 
More than anyone else.

There you have it. I wear my heart on my sleeve.. for everyone to see.

ask for source.


  1. i'm sorry you are having a hard time. you can call me if you need someone to talk to.
    or come to utah and we will shop. that helps too :)

  2. Janeeee these were the most darling, uniquely Cody and Jane things, and I loved this post. I wish I were there to eat penny candy with you and tell you that it'll be alright, but only 2 more months and that will happen!

  3. i love cody! whenever we'd talk you'd always come up and he always would say how much he loves you. :)

  4. Awe :( I hope things are okay. You can call me anytime you feel like this :) My cell is 409 673 0547! Text me :) ...well not this VERY second.. actually not until Monday because well, my precious two year old dropped my brand spanking new droid 2 in a cup of ice water :) so I have to wait until Monday to get my new one lol

  5. Janeen, Wow...I think I'm doing pretty good about the whole deal til I read your blog but it was sweet and so sentimentally Cody (and you) and I can tell you that I miss his waking up from a nap and being grumpy...I loved that you could endure the loong hand massage...I have done the hand rubs since they were little boys. And I really do miss him randomly jumping out to scare any one of us at anytime. How does he do the organization thing? I don't know...but one thing I do know is he mentioned for all of us to treat you well...b/c he does love you alot. And I hope you know your always welcome! Audra


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