Jordi says our apartment smells like estrogen.

First of all.. an apology for all of these:

Have I mentioned I'm technically challenged? 

I write my NDHBE in five days.

National Dental Hygiene Board Examination.

That is pretty much the biggest test I have ever written, or will ever write.

Yes, this trumps my English 30-1 diploma... by a lot.

Pretty much I'm a tiny bit stressed about it.

So are my roomies. We all handle stress so differently. It's kind of humorous.

 Let's just say our emotions are all running pretty high these days. It will be so nice to get this test over with so we can all be functional human beings again. 

Hmmm while I'm thinking about it... just a brief apology to anyone who has had to deal with me and my unpredictable emotions over the past couple weeks. I promise I'm not always like this.

My sleeping habits are terrible. Terrible.

And they have been for about two weeks now.

I'm so surprised I'm not deathly ill by now. 

But life is so good. The weather has been warming up a tiny bit. Texas is lovely. I have the sweetest roommates. And my best friend is back from the dead. Oh and by dead I just mean Puerto Rico.

And it's like he never even left. Except now he speaks Spanish. It's pretty cool.

I haven't seen him in real life yet because I live in Texas and he lives at home. But that's fine, for now.

Have I ever mentioned how proud I am of him?

I am. 

He's changed like a million percent, but at the same time.. not at all. 

I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by getting emotional so I'll stop now. =)

I also really need a hair cut. I don't think I have ever neglected my hair so much in my whole life. 

Amber if you ever read this.. please don't judge my split ends. I'll take care of it someday.. promise.

Life is not perfect. 

I don't think life ever really is entirely perfect. 

But it certainly is wonderful, and I'm not sure I have ever been happier. 

And I have a feeling it's just going to get better.

x

blog overload.

Prepare yourself for an overload of thoughts and pictures that have been hiding deep in the corner of my computer. It's been a while. Almost four months since I have sat on this very spot in my bed contemplating life and all it has to offer. But here I am. I am back.

Something about being home makes me want to blog about so many things. I feel like the blog was on the back burner while I was in Texas. Life is different there. I feel different there. I am a different person there. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything.. including the blog. I didn't know what to write. I just kind of made up a buncha stuff to fill space and appease people. Now that I am home.. I find myself itching to write about everything and everyone. I am definitely the most myself at home.

Being back here is making me face all my problems. I kind of like being able to hide from things and not deal with them. Life is easier that way.

I tried dealing with some problems. The problems I left hiding in my closet when I moved away. It's overwhelming. I forgot how many things I just shoved in my closet last minute. I really should try to clean it out, but I can't. Not yet. I'm not quite ready to grow up 100%.

Speaking of life being easy. Life is easy when you do what people expect you to. You don't have to explain anything. You don't have to justify anything. You don't have to come up with excuses. You can kind of just, slide through life unnoticed. Which is horribly wonderful.

People keep telling me to be selfish for once in my life and go for what I want. Thing is, I already am selfish and I already have. Thing is, I need to be selfless instead. Whenever I am selfish, selflessness gets shoved back in my face. It's fine really, just sometimes I wish selfishness could win without catching up with me.

Today I ran into Mr. Heninger.. my English 30 teacher. I confessed about my 70% paper. He made me feel better. He inspired hope in me again. The situation made me realize that the paper I wrote for hygiene school was a joke and the instructor isn't even a certified teacher yet. She is a lovely person, of course, but she teaches Prevention. Prevention is a class about floss and toothpaste. It reminded me that people who know what they are talking about when it comes to writing seem to think I have a talent. I think I will still try to write a book someday. What a soul-saver.

I ran into so many people that I know. I love being home. I love knowing people and I love having people know me. I love walking down the street and recognizing people. It makes me feel real.

I haven't kissed a boy for ten months. I know this is just a small thing to be thinking about but ten months is a long time okay. And I like kissing. There. I said it. I'm human.

Do you sometimes wonder about the things people don't say to you? The things people are thinking or the things they want to say but can't? I do. What if you are thinking the exact same things. What if that long lost friend is just as sad as you are that your friendship ended at age twelve. What if you really think her shirt looks terrible on her but just can't tell her. What if what if what if. What if two people are just, living the same thoughts, but won't share them? It's a tragedy, really.

Lady Antebellum's album "We Own the Night" is incredible. Every single song. And not just because I saw them live. They are an amazing band. My favorite songs of theirs right now are definitely Somewhere Love Remains, and Dancin' Away With My Heart. They are both just truly adorable songs. The kind of song that I overly anticipate the chorus. The kind of song that hits my soul deeply because its such a real song. Wow I'm such an emotional person it's almost embarrassing. Oh well.

I miss Sarah Jo already. She is a keeper.

I always have these expectations of how things are going to be. Graduating. Birthdays. College. Getting off a flight.  All of these things just continue to be so anticlimactic. Sure, grad was super fun. I had a pretty dress and my hair worked out well. My date drove a nice truck and he thought looked better than he did at his own grad. And he did. But then grad just came and went and then it was over. Maybe some peoples birthdays are great, but mine are lame. Maybe it's because its right after Christmas or something, but my birthday always ends up being lame. College. Sure. College is a blast. But lets be real, it's not how it looks in the movies. Its full of homework and homesickness and eating ichiban and saving pennies. It's hard. And it's exhausting. At least for me it is. Walking off a flight. Man it'd be so fun to walk off a flight to a loved one with a bouquet of flowers. It would be wonderful to jump into their arms and hug them and have tears join together in the joy of a happy reunion. Nope. That doesn't happen. I'm not being negative or anything but I can't help it. Life is dull sometimes. I hope I am not the only one. I'm tired of it. I want a grand gesture. I want something that changes my life. I want something fabulously magical to happen.

Okay that was slightly negative and almost came across suicidal? I love life, really. Sometimes I relish in the greyness of life. It sure makes you appreciate the color when it finally happens.

Last Sunday in primary, I was playing some hymns quietly before it began and Jennifer, 5, came and sat on the piano bench next to me like she does every week. She began to sing along softly, melting my heart. She looked at my hands and said to me, "I always wanted to play the piano.." She then proceeded to watch my hands and move hers up and down the piano as I did. In that moment I realized I wanted to be a teacher. Crap. I guess I will be having ten kids instead.

anti-stresscase

My whole life I've kind of been a bit of a stress case.

Okay that may be a little bit extreme, but I do freak out over big things.. and little things.

So yeah. A stresscase.

I used to throw up before the 100m in track.

My nails are always chewed. (Gross I know. I'm quitting.)

I often had meltdowns before big tests.

I know. It's embarrassing.

I'm doing better though I'm proud to say.

I have at least three tests every week right now.. and if I fail I get kicked out of my program.

 And I think I'm doing quite well with not getting overly stressed.

My mama would be proud.

I've been trying some of these out. 

I think a little bit of stress is good. It keeps me going and makes me finish things.

But not having too much stress has changed my whole life.

I am a happy person. =)

source

all done?

I have been thinking of some things that make me sad lately because there are a lot, but I didn't want to write a post that was entirely negative so today I am writing ten things that make me sad and then ten things to make me smile to even things out. 

The Sad Stuff.

1. When someone assumes the worst.

2. When someone does something they know is stupid because they think no one cares when really, I do.

3. When a teacher tells you there is a test so you bust your back studying for it only to find out it was just a "see how well you prepare for tests" test.

4. When that teacher laughs about how frustrated everyone is for studying so hard for the nonexistent test.

5. Feeling guilty for something you shouldn't have to feel guilty about.

6. Remembering something from the past that broke your heart.

7. Headaches.

8. My pre-clinic class Wednesday mornings that has officially made Wednesdays suck.

9. Having to pee so bad in the morning that my stomach hurts. (seriously the worst start to the day)

10. Not knowing what the heck to do..

The Happy Stuff

1. There is a pool outside my apartment.. and it's not cold.

2. Realizing you made a difference in someone's life when you didn't think you did.

3. Finding a perfect song.

4. Waking up before the alarm and not being tired.

5. Having chats with lil brothers. 

6. The 9th.

7. Feeling trusted.

8. Keeping a secret that isn't yours to tell.

9. Room mate chats until the wee hours of the morning.

10. Going to bed with a smile.

Let's be done with the sad stuff please?

Thanks. It means a lot. =)

source.

I'm back.

I solemnly swear not to neglect the blog for such a long time.. hardly ever again. So much has happened.. oh my. I have been running for ten days straight. Really. It's been wonderful. Hectic, but wonderful.

My room is so cute.  I love it here.

Apparently I love to organize things?

I walk to school. J-Walk. There are no cross walks. It is crazy and I hope I don't die this year.

I have four cases of pop under my bed. There was a deal if you bought four okay? Don't judge me.

So.. I kinda feel like my life has actually started now. It's the weirdest thing. For the first time in my life, I feel like I don't have a million questions about my future. That feels wonderful.

Past has passed for a reason. I'm so glad.

Spring hasn't texted me a reminder for a few days but I don't even need her to anymore because I remember by myself. I'm growing up.

Everyone should read this. It's brilliant right?

I love it here.

It's a good thing I love country music. I officially am living in Texas. My radio stations basically consist of country music. Oh.. and I'm pretty sure I pick up the Spanish radio too.

I live about twenty minutes from Mexico. My mom thinks I'm going to get sold into the sex trade.

I miss my mom.

There is a freaking pool outside my apartment. And the water? It's warm, not cold.

I got all these really cool sharp dental instruments already. They're sharp. I also made a lovely friend. We were already friends.. but she was the first persons mouth I got to peek inside and vise versa. and I feel like we'll be friends forever because of that.

Bailey is going to save me a lot of money and I think she will make the show Extreme Couponing someday. It's really only a matter of time. She's even cutting them out right now.

My instructors are so great. They say ya'll and stuff.

I love my room mates already... even though Becky thought I stole the lightbulb from the fridge. =)

I went out for wings tonight for the first time ever. Weird.. I know. Wings creep me out. I got the boneless ones and they were just kinda like chicken tenders. For everyone out there who also gets creeped out by wings, the boneless ones are not-so-creepy.

I just ordered two pairs of scrubs, or fancy pajamas as Bailey says, for over a hundred dollars and I'm not even mad. Just excited.

Have I mentioned I love it here? I am definitely in the right place. =)

meet my new best friend.

I have been a little bit missing this week from the blog world, but you say I have been busy running errands. And when I am not running errands I have been at school. When I am not doing that I try to catch a little shut eye..

or

 maybe I have ben spending some quality time with my new best friend?

South Padre Island

She lives just about a half hour from me. It's great. I have a feeling we are going to just become better and better friends as more time passes..

K but for real. I have more than a million things to blog about and twice that many blogs to catch up on but it will just all have to wait for another day.

Happy blogging everyone and I hope the end of your summer was fabulous!

Top Dog of Grade 2.

Who remembers "Top Dog" in Mrs. Romeril's grade 2 class? I found a special little book with a message from every single one of my class mates telling me what they liked about me. There were a few that just crack me up.  I'm not sure there is anything cuter than seven year olds. I had to share.
*These are copied word for word.

"You are my very very best friend. I wish I could get you anything you want in the whole wide world. You are so pretty. I like her hair." - Tessa

"You are nice to me a lot and you help lot of people. You are my friend and you. are so nice. You are the best one in the olen school. I wish I wous you." - Dani

"You are pretty and funny you are loveing hearted." - Karson

"You are my very best friend you are very kind. everybody likes you. Even Mrs. Romeril liks you." - Kate

"You are the most smartest kid in the class because you're friends with everyone." - Miles

"You print very good. You help kids then they work when they dodn't even ask. Because you're my friend." - Matt

"You are one of the best workers in the class. And she is fast at working." - Jon

"You work rally hard and you help any buddy that needs help." - Ryan

They were all so adorable but I had to share a few of my favorites. =)

I'm so happy I grew up in a little town where I still know all of these people and remained friends with them all through high school. 

source.

To Do List Ish Thing

First off. Uh. Cody has been gone four months today. Admit it everyone. 

Time is flying!

So. I'm getting reeeally excited to go to Texas. It's coming so soon! I'd fly there today if I could. 

Problem though.

 I have a few things in the way of me and my destination.

It goes something like this.

This blog post.

Me. 

Lab Report.

Work. 

Play with Steph, for like the last time ever?

Work

Book Flights

Work

Midterm

Work

Units D, E, and F

Work

Final Exam

Work

Another Final Exam

Work

12 Experiments and reports

Work

Get 20/20 vision

Work

Make ten thousand dollars

Work

Probably my Chem Final around this time

Work

Chiropractor Appt

Work

Dentist Appt

Work

Hair Appt

Work

Fit everything I want to take with me into a suitcase

Work

(insert .. Cody will hit six months around this point. WOAH.)

Finish working

Texas.

source

Okay, thats not even bad. 

Good thing I like my job..

Seriously though? 

73 days is going to go so fast. 

=)

I can't think of an appropriate title for this post....

Ladies and Gentlemen of the blogging community.. I knew this was coming today; however, I didn't know if it was going to be good news or bad news. I woke up every hour last night. 

I don't do stuff like that. I am a sleeper. Finally, this decided to arrive and ease my pain.

...

Ya okay, so that's the important part.

SLDKFJS:KFLJSLFSJ!!!

I'm more excited than I was the day I got my acceptance letter for BYU. ..

crazy, right?

This is for real!

Hopefully I won't be picking up any freak viruses this time...

I'm more excited to go to a little po-dunk town in the middle of nowhere pretty much in Mexico than I was to go to BYU.. 

A prestigious school of over 30 000 students in the heart of Utah with most of my friends.

Well, that is their dream, and I am so happy for all of them.

.. but this is MY dream. :)

Plus, Becky is there and I'm pretty sure we need to make a giant fort for the sake of being such good friends when we were ten.

And I am going to be done school April 2013!

And for my dear blogger friends who don't know just how far south in Texas I am going?

Ohhh bring on the heat please.

please oh please oh please.

I have a feeling that a lot of things I have been waiting for, 

or waiting to find answers for 

in the past month are alllll going to be revealed to me in the next week..

I'm trying not to have any expectations for the results.

I have never handled disappointment well.

I wouldn't call myself a pessimist, but for situations like this, sometimes preparing for the worst is the best thing to do.

So maybe.. I won't get into the program I applied for, and I won't get the job that is going to make life affordable if I do get into that program. Maybe my passport won't come so I can't go to Florida. Maybe I will get that answer that will change my life forever.

No big deal.

Ya okay.. just kidding.

Everything sure as heck better work out.

+

story of my life.

Passport? 

Please hurry up. I really need you to be here so I can go to Montana to check the mail. Also. I really need to go to Florida in April. You best show up soon.

Letter/s? 

Please hurry up. It's been far too long. I know you are all out there somewhere. It's just time for you to get here..

Information packet?

 Please hurry up. I can't stand the suspense any longer. You are ruining all aspects of my life by not being here.

I'm getting tired of going to the post office every day and coming out empty handed. 

It's humiliating.

+

return of the english diploma Part I

Okay. Warning. This could potentially be considered a very very very boring post so don't get excited to read it. This is strictly in response to a request for some people who have been asking to read my diploma essays. I couldn't decide if I wanted to post them.. because writing is kind of.. hard to share with people. Yes, I write a blog every day but this is different. I wasn't writing this essay with the intent of my peers and the blog world reading it, ya know? Just some crazy dedicated English teacher who volunteers to mark essays for the first week of their summer holidays... Anyway. Yes, I received 100% on both of my English 30-1 essays and requested to receive copies back because I just wanted to read them again. (Did you know you can get them back? Cool huh. Ask me how if you like to keep stuff like essays =) ) Yes, they are in my hand, and yes, I am going to type them on my blog. Today, just my Personal Response. I'm not exactly looking for critique.. because it has already been graded and I won't be using it for anything else in my life. If you have something nice to say,go for it.. annnnnd I guess if you are dying to say something negative, I can take it. I think. haha..

For people who didn't go to grade twelve in Alberta, we have to write a final at the end of the year that comes from the Government of Alberta and it is worth 50% of our final grade. It's kind of a big deal, and the tests are always really hard. Anyway, English is my favorite, so I spent most of my year preparing. Probably should have spent a little more time on math.. buuuuut oh well. :) For this exam in particular, we have exactly three hours to write a personal response to a text given, along with a critical/analytical essay in response to a text studied in the year. We don't get to take anything into the test with us except our brains. I will not be offended if you don't like it.., because whoever marked them in Edmonton.. well.... their opinion is more important to me than yours for this particular piece of writing... Sorry. =)

For my Personal Response essay I decided to write in a creative form instead of an essay form, and ended up writing a short story. I actually used somewhat of an outline from a practice essay I wrote earlier in the year that I received a good score on just written in class. Practice makes perfect or something, right? :) No, it's definitely not perfect. Anyway, It actually has the same title; however, it is an entirely different essay. The title was just based on the metaphor of the essay, which was similar to the previous essay I wrote. Make sense?.. probably not. A lot of people have actually read that practice essay, because it is now published in the WriTeen 2010 anthology from the Writers Guild of Alberta. ( I think that's what it's called?) and I gave copies of it to my family for Christmas along with my English teacher. Anyway. Here is my Personal Response essay from June 2010. I forget the topic, so if anyone who also wrote in June 2010 remembers, please remind me? Something about responsibility ..

OH. And even though this is a "personal response".. it's completely fictional. This didn't happen to me. hahaha. And yes, I know it is written very dramatically. I did that on purpose.

My Feature Presentation

Wrath. The bitterness that comes with the deep despair of defeat flares through the center of my soul. I feel as if I have been placed inside a movie: a drama-filled soap opera. Throughout the past three years, this tumult inside of me has only expanded. Enough discussion. Enough therapy. Enough fighting. My words echo endlessly throughout the hallway of what seems to be a set. Stage right. Stage left. Whether I enter from the front door or the back door, the results are the same. Lights. Spotlights. Directed on me. Camera. Everything is remembered and recorded. Everything is analyzed and inspected. Action. The disarray begins. I have no control. I'm eighteen. I'm old enough. Stop thinking of me as a little girl. You have to understand—I've grown up. No one understands. This is my best friend. This is the boy who has carried me through relentless misery. This is the boy who has shown me who I am. This is the boy I love. My parents have become only one thing to me: a cast of antagonists. Our conversations have turned into one thing to me: a script of sardonic words.

My mother married young; furthermore, she was incapable of holding onto that marriage. Her dogmatic beliefs suffocate me. For some reason, she believes I am incapable of experiencing love at my age. For some reason, she believes I am to follow in her footsteps and attend boarding school. Comical. I subconsciously turn up the background music. Louder. So loud I can no longer hear the shrill shrieking of my mother's insistence that I don't know what love is. I can no longer hear the haunting howls of my father forbidding me to see him. Don't know what love is? How can they think that? The relationship between my dear boy and myself far surpasses any sort of love I have ever been able to witness between my parents. They don't touch. They don't laugh or play. They don't know anything about love. Boarding school? Where has she come up with this idea? I am positive I have viewed a similar plot-line in every single movie that rests in our cabinet, yet she believes this is the answer. Amidst my wandering thoughts, I am taken back. The foggy flashback somewhat comforts me. I'll wait for you, you know? I love you, and that doesn't just go away. I'll come with you. I'll do whatever it takes. The words I was aching to hear poured out of his mouth like a pitcher of ice-cold lemonade on a summer's day, quenching a thirst that none other could. A soft melody surrounds me. Surreal. I listen closer—it's a love song. The camera drifts away to another blissful oblivion. It starts from a long shot, then slowly focuses in on the center of the meadow. I watch myself being lifted and spun in a circle. My knight is rescuing his damsel in distress from a fiery dragon. I smile as I remember my fear of frogs and how he so gallantly scared them away. My fairy-tale romantic childhood was idyllic, and it had transformed from an unforgettable friendship into an everlasting love.

Listen! Interruption. My memories are halted. Although replenished, I am not unable to cling to the bulletproof memories any longer, nor can I tune out the egregious echoes of power reverberating from the microphone, and then blasting from the speakers. The climax is imminent. The music changes into an ominous rumble. The antagonists threaten to conquer. Inhale or exhale? Which is it that I need to do? I am suffocating. The painfully pernicious commands from my parents enhance my plight. As I nearly accept defeat, I hear a narrator in the distance. I feel her beckoning me. Her consoling words allow for relief. You are an adult. You are capable of loving. Don't let them make decisions for you. Take responsibility for your life. The words so simply stated allow me to clear my thoughts. My skin is on fire. I feel certain that their opinions can't last forever. I can feel it in my bones. Inhale. That is what I need to do. The breath fills my lungs to their maximum capacity. I hold the air inside of me to the point of pain. As I exhale, I feel the oxygen return into my veins. I smile. I have won, for I am my own person. With the return of a soothing song, credits roll.

Well. If you stuck around this long as to read an essay... there you have it. And remember, completely fictional... My critical/analytical will make it's way up here one of these days when I feel like typing up another essay... so if you care, keep your eyes open. Oh, and grade twelves. Your welcome. haha I wish I could have read a graded essay before I wrote my diploma.

Goals

So blogging world. It has been one month since my best friend Cody left. I`d say the time has flown. I have accomplished quit a bit I believe.. including applying for my summer job, completely finishing my application for Harlingen, mailing in my passport to be renewed, making some new friends whom I am really beginning to just love, and making a huge mess out of my room. That last one there isn`t really a proud accomplishment.. but anyway.. I feel like it was a successful month; however, I realized there is just so much more I need to be accomplishing. .....So I stole this idea from Desiree.. but I am going to just make a list of a few goals I want to accomplish in the next month! I didn`t do new years resolutions this year, so I think I am going to start doing monthly goals. I feel like working on something for a month is less overwhelming then the entire year. Baby steps work well for me. =)

Goals

 March 9 - April 9th

- attack my messy room and keep it clean until I leave for Florida (I was going to say keep it clean forever but let`s be real.)

- figure out a Plan B incase my summer job doesn`t work out

- start making another quilt

- don`t go clothes shopping... not even once

- make an official budget.... 99% savings.. 1% other.. or something close to that

- clean my mom`s car

- donate something

- make Sunday dinner
- use that stupid treadmill that is sitting in my house. three times a week.
- I`ll throw in 100 sit ups three times a week just because it will be good for me.

- did I mention I need to stop shopping.. I am also adding no more eating out to that list.

- see J Biebs with Steph again

- don`t sleep in past ten, ever (I`ll aim for 9:30 next month.. maybe)

- finish choreographing the dances for my dance classes

- go to institute every single week

I`d say thats a pretty good list. 

Blog friends. I need your help. 

Remind me to keep working on these things please and thank you!.. 

and check up on me too.

ask for source.

I like it this way.

Today. I watched a high school basketball game: my second one since graduating from high school. I reflected a little bit back on high school... This is all I could come up with.

Life becomes so superficial in high school. I have been out of high school for eight months. A year if you don't count my second semester of high school because I only had school in the mornings.. and only every other day. I can honestly say, I don't miss it...

Somehow, all the things that used to seem so huge.. ended up being so small. 

(just like everyone who has previously graduated said they would)

The car you drive.

The jeans.

The sports teams.

The grades.

The flats.

The wall of fame.

The election week.

The dances.

The headbands.

The decorations.

The grad date.

The football jackets.

The cardigans.

The perfect dress.

The perfect college.

The assemblies.

The attempts to get everyone to participate.

The lack of school spirit.

The lockers.

The latest music.

The.. who heard it first.

The.. who wore it first.

The.. who saw it first.

The.. who dated it first.

The chi curls.

The backcombing.

The lazy days in sweats.

The hoping no one noticed how greasy your hair was.

The having the best spares.

The jocks. 

The cheerleaders.

The suck ups.

The people who hated the suck ups.

The theater people.

The people who sat alone by choice.

The people who sat alone.. not by choice. ( :( )

The saying goodbye as everyone parted that summer post-grad.

The harmless pranks.

The not-so-harmless pranks.

The cliques.

The making sure everyone knew just how fun your weekend was.

The gross lunches.

The amazing pizza.

The fact that there was only {supposed to be} diet pop.

The not studying for tests.

The cruising.

The parties.

The fear of diplomas.

The buying snacks for seminary.

The blocking of facebook in the computer lab.

The.. who did this to my car?

The post-game parties.

The grad party.

The who knows the coolest boys.

The realization that you are never going to need to know how do Logs in life.

The disagreements in social.

The Friday night plans.

The town hopping.

The winning of banners.

The cutest couples.

We heard it a million times, and I have known it forever, but somehow, looking back, it is just different. It is something that everyone just has to figure out for themselves. You can't tell the sixteen year old girl that it really just doesn't matter who she dated or whether or not she was a cheerleader or if she played volleyball or how she did her make up or who her best friends were and what they did the second weekend of March last year... because to a sixteen year old girl, all of that DOES matter. There is no point in trying to tell anyone this until they have experienced life after high school. I think it is just part of the brain development.. You can't tell people just how unnecessary it all is if their brain isn't ready to accept that. 

Everyone. Just enjoy high school, k?

One day, you'll see.

Here I am, only eight months later. My life changed 150% after high school... and again 150% more as I got sick and had to come home from college... I am still living in this little town.. working so I can leave. It is surprising to see how the same things happen, the same gossip continues, and how people even try to suck me into it. It's crazy. What is most important to me now? Nothing on that list above. All that stuff was the center of my life or the life of those I was surrounded by for so long. 

Now? The center of my life..

Well. All those things that seemed so lame, and so small, ended up being so huge.

It is making appointments and doing taxes. 

It is applying for scholarships and seeing specialists.  

It is trying to figure out how to organize bank statements and trying to save money. 

It is learning to love vegetables and coming home at 10:30 on a Friday night just because I want to.

 It is taking vitamins because I want to, not because my mom wants me to. 

It is deep cleaning, and studying my scriptures.

 It is planning for the future. 

It is making dinner and sewing quilts. 

It is {usually} being responsible. 

It is working. 

It is forgetting I have a cell phone.

It is reading the newspaper.

It is volunteering at the elementary school because I would rather be there than sleeping.

It is paying for a high school transcript.

It is emailing back and forth with the head of the Dental Hygiene department. 

It is keeping accurate records and talking to my sister on the phone. 

It is having five hour conversations with my parents about politics and current events.

It is realizing how much I love children's literature.

 It is scrubbing my bathroom and keeping up on the laundry.

It is being alone, and just thinking.

I like it this way.

ask for source.

i like it here.

I know coming here was the right decision. I've wondered for a while. A lot of people think I am wasting my time because there is a very big possibility my stay here is temporary. Anyway, I don't think I am wasting my time. For so many reasons, this is where I need to be.

because I need to learn how to be okay, far away from those people I have relied on so much for so long.

because I need to understand just what our high school teachers meant when they said they were spoon feeding us. They seriously weren't kidding

because I need to make some new friends, and maintain old friendships

because I need to learn how to become a better person, and someday a good wife, and eventually a mother

because my testimony needs strengthening, and being surrounded by such amazing people is seriously helping so much

because I am so naive, and this is eye opening

because I am so much more appreciating those people who have made such a difference in my every day life

because I am learning about having a calling, and I am going to learn to love that

because someday I am going to have to say goodbye to such close friends for good, and so I suppose this is a good trial run..

because I am a terrible cook, and it is about time I learn how to cook

because I am not very social sometimes, and BYU is helping me figure out how to crawl out of my shell

because I want to write, and my writing professor is going to make sure that happens

I think this place has potential. Maybe not the sort of potential that I expected, but I am happy here. :)

september long.

Well, another long weekend has come and gone. I always seem to learn so many things on long weekends. This weekend was especially great. My lovely friends Steph, Chelan, Parker, Cody, and Ryan came to visit. What a great weekend we had? Combine those five, with myself, Tessa, and Jared.. I'd say you have a great combination of people. What did I learn this weekend? I learned many things..

I learned that Jared makes a great imitation of the chirping noise at the crosswalk..

I learned that Arby's truly is disgusting, and makes me sick

I learned that Chelan and Steph make the most ridiculous noise when they are laughing...

I learned that Denny's has the potential to be awful

I learned that when swimming with Cody around is potentially fatal

I learned that cops truly are nice if they want to be, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out on the corner of the Wilk at 3am

I learned that driving on a windy road forever at 1am is worth it when you see the amazing view :)

I learned that two people can sleep in what seems to be a miniature single bed and have a great sleep

I learned that (I can't believe I am going to admit this) I can throw up after eating Arby's in front of Cody and all he says is.. "awesome!".. what a character.

I learned that Jared has an eye for photography

I learned that Ryan knows everything about the Salt Lake Temple, well pretty much everything

I learned that one bubble at a time is best?

I learned that eight people can cruise around any time of day and still find something to do

I learned that Cody is worse at making shopping decisions than I am

I learned that Tessa can indeed make the loveliest of faces at any given moment

I learned that sitting on Cody's shoulders can be successful

I learned that Utah is still crazy hot when southern alberta decides to start snowing and such.

I learned that Gabriel the Grape is disgusting

I learned that Japeleno Bites from Arbys should never be consumed, ever

I learned that BYU football games are truly inspiring

I learned that some people at games are absolutely arrogant, and that some people absolutely hate the LDS church

I learned that I get extremely defensive when people start mocking my religion

I learned that I already have a ridiculous amount of BYU Cougar Pride :)

I learned that Temple Square is the perfect place to spend a Sunday afternoon

I learned that Chelan needs to be a Cougarette

I learned that Steph is still my best friend

I learned that Parker isn't as shy as I thought he was

I learned that Ryan .. well.. he's not who I thought he was either? hhaha.. 

I learned that Jared gives great back rubs

I learned that Tessa can truly get ready for the day in under an hour if she puts her mind to it

I learned that Cody is absolutely hilarious, and can survive without sleeping for an entire night

I learned that I truly have the best friends ever!

Little Letters

Okay, so Little Miss Michelle did a post just like this a ways back, and since SO much has been going on, this is really all I can come up with.. so thank you Michelle for being inspired by.. Taza?

dear silk pillow case:
thank you for being so shiny, but i would appreciate it if you would stop sliding off my bed while i sleep.

dear cap'n crunch:
thank you for being so happy to live right underneath my bed, and thank you for staying crunchy, even in milk.


dear 8:30 church:
maybe consider not coming so fast? but thank you for giving me the entire day to relax.

dear new cell phone:
why are you so complicated?

dear room mate Tessa:
thank you for being okay when i leave my sunday shoes in the middle of the floor, and thanks for leaving yours there too. i feel so much more at home with you :)

dear fhe group:
hahahahahahah. thank you for sharing this special day with me, and thank you for being so discreet and for all being able to read each other's minds..

dear BYU campus:
you are huge.. in case you didn't know? please please help me find my way to my classes tomorrow.

dear roland:
im really starting to love you. please don't die from consumption of too many watermelon seeds?

dear subway girls:
you're almost finished! just a few more weekends. don't give up! and have a lovely day at school tomorrow! i miss you most dearly!.. OH. and Elder C. Heninger told me to say hello from him to all of you, and sends his love. :)

dear just one perfect summer day:
i guess you didn't happen. i hoped you would, just once.. but thats okay. maybe another time.

dear best friend:
don't kiss that one person. you'll regret it..
oh. and i miss you.

dear sweet kind blonde girl whom i finally met:
you are lovely, and i hope we can be just the greatest of friends now and i hope hope hope you know that i think very highly of you, no matter what everyone else says.

dear sizzle d:
i miss you more than you know. and maybe eat one of everything today, just for me.

dear mail:
please travel fast..

dear BYU:
stop blocking michelle's blog. it is a good thing, i promise. there is no need to hide it from everyone.

dear tifuls:
watching chick flicks and eating space pops isn't the same without you here by my side.

dear all roomates:
thank you for not being crazy? :)