10.28.2010

life changing?

I like this.
"Darling," you said, "We're a train wreck."
"Sweetheart," I said, "Train wrecks always make the front page."
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Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Dear You.
Telling you that you changed my life seems ridiculous because I have told you this before. Also, I think everyone who knows me any any sort of level besides what my first and last name is, also knows that you changed my life. I have been thinking very hard about how to pinpoint just how you have changed my life, and to be honest, I still find it simply inexplicable.
Here goes nothing.
For as long as I can remember, I was just living life. I was happy. I had good grades, good friends, and a good reputation. Life.Was.Good. 
 Looking back, I realize I was merely getting by. Life could have continued this way forever. Perhaps something would have changed eventually; I don't really know.
Then I met you. You pervaded my life.
And because of that, I met me.
 I discovered I had a zest for life I had only read about. I discovered new foibles, but also new strengths. I'm not sure it's possible to count the number of times I've heard the cliche, "live life to the fullest" and to be honest, hearing that phrase still makes my teeth clench a little bit and my insides cringe, but it is so incredibly true. I wanted to tell everyone.
I suppose it was like getting off the painted blue bleachers where I was comfortable simply blending in, and joining the action I had previously only watched.. literally. It was time to stand out because it is just so much fun. 
I discovered the joy of being spontaneous. I started living deeper, laughing harder, and loving purer. I discovered that I didn't care what people thought, and enjoyed being different. I wanted to be different. I started getting mocked, and people judged, but instead of hesitating and holding back, I simply embraced the fact that I could be different and continued with it. It led me to the discovery of my talents. It made me want to try harder, and it made me want to be an original. I started getting frustrated that every girl in our school was all wearing deep purple hoodies and AE jeans and Ugg boots. Sure, I still own a purple hoodie, a few pairs of AE jeans, and Ugg boots and I still wear them and love them, I won't deny that, but if I felt like wearing sweats to school, I just went right ahead. I started buying the things I liked. I started working harder in classes. People mocked me for that, every single day. Brown noser, teachers pet, suck up, and a lot more than that. It's fine really; I'm sure it looked that way. I honestly just started to love learning. I started to enjoy doing well in school, and I was proud of myself.  For the first time since I was six, I didn't want a boyfriend. I didn't care who my best friend was, and the continuous drama that stalks high school girls seemed to slowly fade away from my life. 
I'm afraid this next part sounds oddly familiar, but it is just something that I had to learn on my own: boyfriends really just don't matter, and friends will come and go. Status gets thrown away with the grad decorations. Jerseys get returned and lockers get emptied. The only thing that lasts is the yearbook, the memories, and the true friends. I am grateful that I am smiling in the yearbook, that my memories continue to be bulletproof, and obviously,that I made a few friends along the way. Friends that inspire me to write until my fingers ache... but in my opinion, those are the best kinds. Like you. 
Sometimes I still forget this. I go through phases where I get lost and I start worrying too much. I get stressed and start to care what people think, but I always come back to this place where I am so engulfed in a bubble of happiness. One day life is going to work out. One day the questions I have today will be answered. I'm just so happy I have been blessed enough to get a firm grasp on these realities. I worry so much less about such unimportant things. Life is simple. It is hard, but it is simple. Do your best, choose the right, love everyone, and always smile. =) That reminds me of the song, Love like Crazy by Lee Brice. It is a personal favorite. 
Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you. Go to work, do your best, and don't outsmart your common sense. Never let your praying knees get lazy, and love.like.crazy.
Wow. This post really went all over the place. I guess I still have a hard time pinpointing exactly how you changed my life. It wasn't like it just happened one day. All I know is that since I met you, my look on life has been different. Today, I am eighteen. Some things just don't matter at eighteen. Thank you for teaching me that. It sure has made a difference in my life.


Simple.As.That.
And for that, I will never forget you. That's a promise.
With love forever,
Simply Jane

1 comment:

  1. i loved that little train story thing.. i love love!

    ReplyDelete

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